My Alpha's Mark

204 Epilogue Part 2

Kacie

I want to bury my head into his chest but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to look away. I continue staring at him as Viktor lays down by his side. He props himself up and stares down at him. The love and sadness in his eyes blend into one. His gaze darts back and forth between the two of us. A sad smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you,” Viktor says quietly.

We shared stories, we cried, we laughed. I told him about one of the mornings after my Luna Ceremony when I woke up and found Jake naked across from me. He flexed and tried to show off. Viktor chuckled and shared a precious memory from when they first kissed. It was sweet and I wished I could have seen the look in Jake’s eyes if he had heard Viktor tell the story.

The next memory Viktor shared with me was the look on Jake’s face when I walked out that first day in Ken’s house. When he smelled me and knew I was his mate, he only trusted Jake to be alone with me. That’s why he let him take me to the car while he spoke to Ken. The memories of being at Ken’s house and under his rule felt like a different life. It felt like it had happened years ago. I wrapped my arm around Jake. I squeezed his hand with mine and Viktor reached down and enveloped our hands in his.

We spend the rest of the night staring at our mate, crying, holding, touching him while we can. The promise that tomorrow night we would be without him filling us with desperation. I don’t know what will happen now, but I know with Viktor by my side it’ll be okay. We try our hardest to stay up as long as we can with him, but the day was long and our hearts were heavy. I fell asleep in the arms of my mate and beneath the eyes of my other mate.

***

After we laid Jake to rest it was hard to talk about him. Tears stained our cheeks and emptiness filled our eyes. We clung to each other like we clung to him the day we said goodbye. Not many knew of our relationship and we could only find comfort in each other. But just as we found comfort in each other, we also found despair. We loved him as much as we missed him. Healing proved difficult when the two of us were haunted by the past filled with him and gripped our chest at the thought of the future without him.

I feared what would come of us. The next few days, weeks, months blended into one. They were wrought with pain and the daily reminder that he was no longer with us. Jake’s death left a hole in both of our hearts and I feared we would never be able to fill it. I knew we would never be able to.

Even though we struggled, everything else went back to normal. We were forced to continue with our duties and life as if the rug hadn’t been pulled out from beneath us. The pack still needed to be ran and our people needed us. It became a habit to push our feelings aside and run the pack. It wasn’t the same and it was easier to put aside our feelings than to try and get back to where we used to be. As much as that’s what we both needed I doubted we ever would.

My belly grew as the months passed and so did my sorrow. I loved Viktor with every fiber of my being, but just as I loved him, I loved him Jake. I knew he felt the same way and that was why he withdrew. I could feel it in the way he stared at me and the way he touched me. He was still hurt, I was still hurt, we were still hurting and I didn’t know how long we would be like this. It was quickly becoming our norm.

I knew that something should be done. I knew that I should do something to try to bridge the gap that was quickly growing between us. I had no doubts in Viktor, he loved me, he provided, and we ruled together. But with the loss of Jake, we were both hurt, mourning, and unable to pull ourselves together. It felt as if I were grasping at sand, but no matter how hard I tried to hold it together, no matter how hard I tried to keep a tight grip, it seeped through the cracks in my fingers.

It was the hardest when Viktor had to leave for business. Now that my belly was full with child, I couldn’t travel like before. It was best for me and the pup to stay home. Viktor has been gone for three days. During the day I check on the pup daycare, link the deltas for an update on the territory lines, and follow the schedule for the day.

By the end of the day, my back hurts and my feet ache. I know Viktor has no choice but to leave on pack business, but it’s still difficult for me. I find it the hardest when I retire to our room alone after a long day. When I’m at my lowest and my body is heavy, my thoughts wander and they always wander back to Jake.

What would he do if he were here?

Would he snuggle up to me and lean his head on my belly?

Would he caress my stomach and talk to our pup?

Would he massage my feet?

Would he praise me for a job well done?

Would he link Viktor and tell him to hurry home?