My Alpha's Mark

164 Nothing would change

Kacie

“Why Kacie? Why did you act that way? I thought that if I sat back and let you guys talk it out that it would get better but that’s not what happened. The longer I stood back the worse it got. Instead of getting better I watched it unfold in front of me like a car accident I couldn’t stop. Why did you talk to him that way? I don’t understand why you acted like that. I’ve never seen you that way. I don’t know who you are anymore. Why didn’t you try to stop Jake from leaving? I went after him to try and bring him back. He’s one of us, isn’t he?! You told him he would be one of us. You told him he was one of us. You said you needed him as much as you did me. Was that a lie? Did you not mean it? Did you not mean any of it?” Viktor asked.

“Why did I talk to Jake that way? What way? With honesty? Why did you leave me alone? What I needed was for the two of you to keep your promise! Why are you acting like you didn’t do anything wrong?!”

“What are you talking about?” Viktor asked. He was standing in front of me now. I had to crane my neck to look up at him.

“You’re really going to act like you didn’t do anything wrong? You’re really going to pretend?” I asked. My heart was breaking and I wanted to hit him. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to break, cry, and fall to the floor.

“Kacie, I don’t-”

“What I needed was for you to keep me in the loop! I needed for you to treat me with the same care and consideration you do for Jake! I told you how I felt when you two were intimate without me last time. You guys said you would let me know when the two of you are intimate… you said you would include me. You said you wouldn’t do it again and what did I walk in on? The two of you fucking without me, without a word. The two of you pushed me out. You made me feel like an outsider… when I’m not an outsider. Things haven’t been easy for me and you weren’t there when I needed you! Are you going to explain why you treat us differently? Can you explain that to me, Viktor? Are you going to tell me why you were with him without me? Or does it only matter when Jake gets hurt? Do my feelings not matter?!” I yelled.

Tears blurred my vision and my body ached, but I refused to cry right now. I refused to break down. My knees shook, my whole body shook with anger. I was angry, so so angry. I felt so overwhelmed. I wanted to scream but couldn’t. I wanted to cry but couldn’t. I wanted to break but couldn’t. Everything felt unfair, my life, this life that I’d come to love. It was slipping through my fingers and there was nothing that I could do to hold onto it.

Viktor and Jake were supposed to be my safe space. Instead these four walls were my safe space. I felt cold and alone in front of the man who swore to love me forever. The sting of betrayal was strong and it hurt. It hurt so much. Another cramp yanked at my belly and I gasped. The pain was almost blinding as I reached out to stop myself from falling. I felt like the force would pull me down to my knees.

“Kacie?” Viktor asked. Concern laced his voice and I released him as if he’d burned me. “I’ll call the pack doctor. You don’t look so good.”

“Don’t bother. Do you not have anything to say? I just poured out my heart and soul to you. I asked you questions and you haven’t said anything.” My voice cracks and I hate myself for it. I ball my hands into fists on my thighs. I open my hands and put one on the table to my right. I struggle to bring air into my lungs as I push myself to my feet. The cramps went from hurting here and there to being constant.

“Kacie,” Viktor said as he reached out for me. I don’t want him to touch me. Not now when I’m closed to breaking. I move back and his hand freezes between us.

“I thought it was going to be you and me against the world Vik. When Jake came along we had a few bumps in the road but then it was the three of us. I loved the thought of it being the three of us. I love what we have or … I loved what we had. I’m your mate. I shouldn’t feel like I’m not a priority. I think I need to come to terms with the fact that I’m not as important to you as Jake is,” I said.

Maybe I wasn’t making sense and maybe I needed time to sit down and think about what had happened last night. Maybe I would see it differently and I could lie to myself that I was fine with things. I could tell myself that I would be fine with keeping my feelings and my pain to myself. Maybe I could tell myself that I didn’t feel betrayed… and Maybe I didn’t.

“Do you love me, Viktor?” I asked. His brows furrowed and he stared at me as if I had spoken another language.

I needed to be realistic. I didn’t want to leave them. It was unheard of for a Luna to leave her mate. I wanted them to see me. I wanted them to see what they’d done wrong. Maybe I needed to come to the understanding that nothing would change. I stood at a cross roads as pain shot through my body from the bottom of my feet to my stomach.

I buckled. I couldn’t stop it. Red and white blinded my vision as I lost my balance. Blindly I reached out and grasped at air. I was falling. There was only one thought that filled my mind as I fell.

Maybe nothing would change.