The Space Empress He Craved

Chapter 101

POV: Lyra

After training and midday consumption, the alliance met at Orion's dwelling. They gathered in the Emperor's huge study, and the cousins got spare seats and a foldable platform out of the storage level. They laid the report on the round platform, and Toby and Sylvia offered to take notes while they discussed, reading through the report again together to see if their thoughts matched those of everyone around them.

Orion noticed that I was checking the chronometer every few time-units but he didn't think much of it until my communication device chimed in between their discussions. I stood from my seat as I said, "I have to go now. My transport's here. I'll see you guys in the consumption hall tonight."

Orion reflexively held onto my elbow and asked frantically, "What transport?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at his question as I replied matter-of-factly, "The transport to take me to mid-cycle refreshments."

"What refreshments?" Orion asked in jealousy as he thought to himself, Who is she meeting with? Does she have optical sensors for someone else? Someone better? WHO IS HE?!!

I finally understood that Orion forgot about who I was meeting. I smiled teasingly at my match, and kissed him on his cheek before I said, "The refreshments with Annie, my indecent void-beast. Who else?"

"Oh." Orion relaxed before muttering to himself, "Right. That's today."

Christian chuckled at his cousin's overreaction and said, "Let the Empress go now, cuz. My match isn't going to steal her away from you." The Kaelari around the platform were already chuckling as subtly as they could.

It was only then Orion realized that he was still holding onto my elbow like his existence depended on it. He pulled me towards him to press his lips on mine before uttering, "Link me if you need anything. And be safe, okay?" I shifted purple and nodded dotingly. The alliance members were throwing cheeky smirks in my way as I left the chamber.

Orion's eyes followed me out, and when they heard the front portal shutting, Christian glanced at his cousin before saying, "Everyone, let's see if the Emperor focuses better with or without the Empress here."

Zelena's eyes sparked with excitement as she exclaimed, "We should place wagers!"

Orion turned to his cousin and asked in a low, embarrassed tone, "Is this really necessary, Christian?"

Disregarding what the Emperor just said, Toby got the ball rolling, "I'm wagering with."

Juan continued, "With." Orion threw Juan a look of disbelief but the usually-serious Commander didn't seem affected as he threw the Emperor a cheeky smirk.

Zeke then yelled out, "I'm wagering without."

They went around the platform until everyone placed their wagers, leaving their Emperor flustered.

When I opened the vehicle portal to the passenger's position, a familiar voice called out, "Aunt Lyra!"

"Russell? You came?" I asked in surprise at the small male youngling seated at the back with a safety restraint fastened across his chest. I then turned towards Annie for an explanation.

Annie explained, "When he knew I was meeting you today, he didn't stop asking if he could come along until I said yes."

"Aww. That's so sweet of you, Russell." I said as I got in and closed the portal behind me.

As Annie transported them to the refreshment facility she had in mind, I asked about the families living with them, and Annie admitted that they were getting kind of bored, so much so that they offered to help the preparation staff with the nutrient synthesis.

When they entered the facility and took position at their reserved platform, the coordinator took their orders before getting Russell an elevated seat so that he could build his next contraption on the platform.

Annie then started their conversation, "So, Lyra. I asked to meet you because I wanted to know: h-how do you do it? How do you... get on with existence and...be okay after...well, after everything that has happened to you?"

I was a little confused, "Do you mean the five rejections, Annie?"

"Well, it's not just that. You weren't affected when G-Greg said... those condescending things to you. And even the other night, Christian said you were harassed by a minister last cycle, and yet you don't seem afraid."

"I'm not."

"But how? How do you find the power to stand back up again? I mean, you've taken quite a lot of hits. Christian keeps saying that Orion's biggest worry now is existence throwing more things at you than it already has. Yet you seem okay. Better than okay, actually."

I thought about her question before saying, "Well, I didn't want to stay where I was. I didn't want to stay sad, depressed and afraid. I was afraid of getting up and facing situations that would make me question myself again but I was more afraid of staying afraid. At least, if I tried to stand back up, I'd actually get a chance at freedom from everything that was weighing me down. That was all I was going for, to be honest, a chance at freedom."

Annie digested what I said as she took a sip of her synthesized beverage. After a moment, the Duchess asked, "But don't you get tired of doing it over and over again, Lyra?"

I smiled as I recalled the night I broke down with Orion after meeting the Kyltons. "I do. But the chance to be free and happy always seems tempting so I always chose to get back up, despite my pessimism."

"How do you hold yourself together when beings try to bring you down? And you're even able to shut them up. That must require a lot of skill."

"It doesn't, really. Through the cycles, I learned that the best way to... put certain beings in their place is by showing them that they can't push my buttons, even if I'm breaking on the inside. It takes time and practice but eventually, anyone can get the hang of it."

"So, when you break on the inside, you just hold it there and then breakdown when no one's watching?" Annie asked, saddened by what she was hearing.

I said matter-of-factly, "Yeah, I've expelled optical fluid behind more closed portals than I can count. But the most recent time, Orion was with me."

Annie asked in a shocked, hushed voice, "You broke down recently? Are you okay, Lyra?" Even Russell stopped playing and looked up at me in concern.

I chuckled lightly, and my hand started stroking the small youngling's cranial strands as I told the Duchess, "I'm okay, Annie. It's normal for me. I'm not perfect. I put on a strong front, a brave face but I do get hurt too. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not affected by the five rejections. I moved on from them but uh... I still struggle with the feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness sometimes. It doesn't really go away. It just becomes manageable."

"How do you manage it, though?" Annie asked in curiosity.

"Well, I tell myself that so long as I'm still here, that the cosmic forces are still keeping me alive, there must be some level of worth in me. There must be something I have to do, some way that I can help. And I do everything I can. At first it was to fill the hole in my core but as I progressed in training and formed alliances, I realized that it was also to make me happy and to give me a sense of fulfillment."

Annie nodded, and she took another sip as she thought about what I said. I then asked, "Annie, if you don't mind me asking, what is this about? Is everything okay with you?"