The Space Empress He Craved

Chapter 66

POV: Lyra

Back in the dining hall, I continued putting on a smile to ensure those around me that I was okay. But only Orion and Juan could see through my act—my skin was subtly shifting through distressed colors whenever I thought no one was looking.

Juan didn't bring up what he knew. Neither he nor I were comfortable displaying emotional vulnerability in public. He hoped to activate our mind-touch later that night, away from the crowd, just to make sure I was okay. I was well aware that my brother-figure saw right through me. And why wouldn't he? He had known me forever.

Orion noticed that I was avoiding his gaze, and when he held my hand, my fingers didn't respond as they normally would. His consistently-whimpering Lyrokan wanted his human consciousness to hold me and speak to me, to keep assuring me of his love. But his human part felt that his uncontrolled outbursts tonight had put me through enough, and he decided against mentioning the matter until we were alone.

We traveled back to my quarters in silence. Orion was stroking my waist with his thumb in slow motions, watching my tired face as I got lost in my own thoughts, my skin cycling through grey and blue. When we reached my door, he pulled me into a passionate kiss. Then, he looked deep into my multifaceted eyes and asked, "Can I stay on your rest platform tonight?"

The doubt I tried to mask all night surfaced. I averted my eyes from his as I said in a soft and exhausted voice, "Orion, I'm really tired. I just want to be alone tonight."

His Lyrokan whimpered even louder as Orion felt a pang in his chest cavity. He abruptly pulled me against him, kissing my cranial strands before whispering firmly but sorrowfully, "I knew you didn't believe me. But I'm not leaving. We can both stay here right outside your door all night, or you can let me in. I'm not letting you go through this alone, Lyra. I'll override the door controls if I have to."

I pushed him back with the little strength I had left, and wiped away my stray optical fluid before Orion could. Without another word, I unlocked my door with my bio-signature and Orion followed me in. I still didn't look at him when I took some clothes from my storage unit and headed for the cleansing chamber, locking the door behind me.

As tempting as it was to release optical fluid in the sonic shower, I restrained myself from doing so, knowing full well that Orion's Lyrokan hearing would catch my distress sounds. After cleansing myself, I opened the door and Orion, who was right outside, pulled me into another embrace. He pressed his lips to my forehead before lifting my body off the floor, carrying me to the rest platform.

The fact that I was still avoiding his gaze even when he held me in his arms made Orion's chest cavity flare in agonizing anguish. He would have given in to his weakened limbs if he weren't carrying me.

He placed me in a sitting position, my back against the headrest and my legs underneath the covers. Then, he sat cautiously by my side. His fingers reached for my chin to gently lift up my face, making our eyes lock as he uttered, "Lyra, I have never loved anyone the way I love you. There's no need to be jealous, please. I've never seen their daughter that way, ever. I swear. The... engagement never materialized because Christian, my maternal grandfather and I myself fought against it. The only time she and I... went out was because my parents and hers set it up. I was told that I was going to meet my aunt, only to have Kylton's daughter walk through the door. I left the establishment as soon as I found out what was happening. Nothing ever happened between us, Lyra. Please, you have to believe me. You have to know that. There really is nothing to be jealous about, baby, please."

"I'm not jealous." I snapped in a whisper, my skin flashing angry red before returning to sad grey. "Jealousy requires rage. After five match bonds, I've practically given up on getting enraged over something like this. I wasn't lying to the Kyltons back there. Jealousy doesn't affect me anymore. Match number four was good practice for me. I won't fight someone just to keep someone else, Orion. I've grown tired of doing that a long time ago."

My optical fluid was already threatening to overflow. I pressed my lips together before I sighed heavily to steady myself. Only then I continued to speak. "But somehow, I never got used to feeling... unworthy, and feeling... the insecurity that comes with it. When the Kyltons mentioned how you were almost... engaged, it just... triggered those emotions again."

Orion kissed my forehead and held me close as he uttered, "The purported engagement was devoid of any consent from my part, Lyra. It never happened. I made sure that it didn't happen."

He pressed his lips to my cranial area and held me tighter. "And you're anything but unworthy, Lyra. Through your words and actions, you show everyone over and over again how special and priceless you are. You do so much for everyone. You touch lives like no one we've ever seen. You defend the vulnerable, call out the incompetents and restrain the reckless. And you do these things with so much grace and composure. Lyra, you're a living, breathing masterpiece of the cosmos. We can't lose you. I can't lose you."

I parted our bodies and forced a meek smile, which made Orion feel more wounded. I still didn't believe him.

In my soft voice, I said, "I know I play a role to a certain extent but... on my worst days, I just feel that... I'm not doing enough, that I am not enough. Sometimes, the feelings are self-triggered and other times something around me happens and I just... feel lack again. Tonight is just one of those days."

I continued to fight my optical fluid as I said incoherently, "I'm... not doubting you... Orion. How I... behaved with you after... what happened tonight... had nothing to do... with you. This is just... an emotional phase that I have to... get through... I've done it before. I just need time. I just need to be... sad... by myself... for a while. I'll be fine after that, I promise."