The Viking's Mate Hunt

CHAPTER 127

Eir's POV

She had long and thick brown hair in soft curls over her shoulders. Sparkling blue eyes, her skin was pale, but she had small roses on her cheeks. With a beaming smile, she looked nothing like I remember her. Blinking slowly, once, twice, and then three times. But she was still there, so healthy and... normal? Yes, normal. This couldn't be real, but I couldn't help myself; I had to talk to her!

"Mom?"

"My little Elly girl! Look at you!"

Her hands reached out for me while she walked up. I couldn't stop looking at her, and she was so different. But I still could not accept it, even when all of me knew and wanted to accept it. Accept her, smiling at me! Wanting to hug me! So, of course, I just stood there, gaping, not able to move a muscle.

"You grew up, baby girl, I'm glad. "

"I... Who are you?"

"You know who I am, Elly! This is like I always told you: In the next life, Elly! In the next life. Well, technically, we are between, but who cares for the details!"

Her smile faltered a little when she stopped, still holding my gaze. I feel everything! Hatred, happiness, relief, disbelief, rage, and a desperate need to feel her hug me while crying like a baby.

"It is okay, girl; I know you hate me! Please believe me when I say I never planned for this to happen. I never imagined I could forget myself and everything I stood for, fought for and dreamed of like I did. I never wanted to forget you, and for that, I hate me too. It is okay. I know what I did to you, how I treated you, and how invisible I made you feel. That will be my burden to carry, but I want yours too. It is time I'm there for you, so let me do this for you. Let the weights I gave you fall, the ice-cold fear I want you to leave here. Give me the loneliness I suffocated you in, and take off the heavy burden of self-hatred, doubt, and guilt; I will wear it for you. "

"Mom... That's not how it works."

My voice broke, and what a stupid thing to say. But every single fiber of my body wanted to listen to her, let her in, but I also wanted to shout at her. Cry. Swear and crumble. I threw everything at her, but I couldn't find a single word besides that stupid sentence. Hades stopped beside me, but he didn't utter a word, and her smile kept on beaming towards me. A voice buried deep inside of me whispered that I should just leave, that nothing positive would ever come of this, but I didn't. Like a fool, I stood there, staring at her, knowing things are never what they look like with her, but at the same time, every inch of me is burning for this to be real.

"I know Elly Girl, I know. But this is different, and this is the happy ever after in the next life, so let me do this for you."

I visibly flinched when her hands reached out and landed on my face, no matter how soft her touch was. But then I got drawn in; an invisible force followed the warmth of her touch, penetrated my skin, and pulled at my attention. My eyes sought hers like in a trance, and her voice wrapped around me like warm, fluffy fur.

"I know, baby girl; I was a bad mother. No. I was a bad guardian at best. And I am so sorry. Remember, it was never your fault, and you were never to blame. I know you already know all this, but I thought maybe you needed a reminder, and you needed to know I never wanted to hurt you. I drifted too far away and lost control, but I really believed I did the right thing until it was too late. I had driven us both into the cold and unforgiving darkness. Lost in a haze of frost, pain, and evil, that is not where I thought I was leading us, leading you. I failed you; remember that.

I neglected you, remember that. Forgot you, gaslight you and stole so much from you, and you need to remember that."

Tears started to build up in my eyes. I can't even remember how many times I wished she knew the pain I felt, the disappointment, or all the conflicted feelings she gave me. How many times I dreamed she would snap out of it, realize what she had been doing to me, and promise to do better? Of course, it never happened, and I stopped dreaming of it. Now she said it all, gave me everything, and everything came flushing back like a huge wave of emotions pulling at my soul and mind. Dragging everything out of me, and I couldn't utter a single word. Captivated by her sparkling eyes and soft words, I just stood there and let tears fall free while she continued.

"You should give me the pain you still carry with you. Let me take the disappointment and hatred from you. I failed you in so many ways, and baby girl, I am so sorry. This is the only way I can be a positive figure in your memories. Let me have the darkness, the questionable shaded, loneliness, and despair. Leave it here, and I'm not going anywhere."

She said so much more, and for each word she spoke, something magical happened inside of me. A heavy burden I never knew was there, crumbled, faded, and sucked out of my soul. Right then and there, all I could muster to imagine was magic. This is not how the world works. Words could heal, quite literally, and I've never been on the resaving end of that experience. I felt lighter and free but also empty and lost. Drained. Half of me was missing, and I mourned the lost part without understanding why.

The darkness felt cold around me, and I felt so alone when I kneeled on the grovel-covered ground. Crying my eyes out, I barely noticed she disappeared. Not before Hades' hand landed on my shoulder, I had no idea where I was or why. Who I was or when. He lifted me up and guided me towards the flickering light, but I felt so numb, and her last words echoed through my mind.

"Find peace with your brother and father. They will be the anchor you need, be and provide what I couldn't for you. I know I'm in no place to ask you for anything, but please find your sister. "

The rest passed by me like a dark haze; colors, voices, and people faded away, blended like watercolors, and I struggled to breathe. Everything flashed through my mind, flushing my memories, bringing up every single painful, lonely moment that pierced my soul like burning needles. A little girl crying for her mom in an empty dark house, the cold dread I felt the first time I found my mother passed out on the floor, realizing I could not wake her. The pain of hunger and abandonment, the fear of being alone or forgotten. A little moment of joy that one Christmas, she stole me a Barbie dollhouse. Of course, she sold it to buy more drugs a couple of days later, but I still remembered it. The pure joy, hope, and excitement I felt at that very moment.

Things I thought were long forgotten, things I didn't even remember before this moment. The sound of a dying animal echoed around us and bounced off the walls as the pain crept under its skin, claiming the last of his life. But it didn't bother me, didn't affect me, to lose in my mind.

How can anything feel so horrible and freeing at the same time? How can I feel relief and utter despair side by side? My eyes focused on my feet as we kept moving forward, and for a couple of minutes, that's all I saw. My feet were taking one step at a time, moving forward, and a sense of panic rose in my chest. Would I forget about her? Did she erase everything she saw as a burden from my mind? Then, who would I be?

Bright light bathed us, shimmered, and blinked before it disappeared again, but still, my focus was on my feet. One step, then another. Moving forward. What am I leaving behind? Who am I leaving behind?

"Close your eyes, and this can burn"

Hades's deep voice sounded so soft next to me, but of course, I turned towards him like I didn't just hear him. Quickly, my eyes squinted shut. A flashing bright light burned so bright it was more of a reflex. One foot before the other, again and again. The light shone through my eyelids and warmed the tender skin around my eyes. One foot, then the other. Moving forward. The burning brightness turned to darkness so quickly that I haltered in my steps, carefully opening my eyes and blinking hard a couple of times. Confused and dizzy, I looked around. Did anyone switch the light off?

"Where are we?"

The sound of my own voice made me winch. Raw, damaged, and raspy. Clearing my throat gently a couple of times, I looked confused over at Hades.

"Ah, I'm guessing the Sulphur does no favors to your sore throat! Don't worry, it will pass, and this is a short passage. Purgatory. This is the only stage where the souls create their own hell. This is for the souls that can never forgive, forget, or look past what they have done. This is where they punish themselves and relive their darkest moments or sins. The only place where they are their own gatekeeper. Look straight ahead. Do not interact or try to understand."

Later on, I would pounder about this place, but right now, I had more than enough just existing. Moving forward, the thick haze. The feeling of being hollow and drained made my feet and body feel so heavy. Uncontrollable and numb. But I kept moving forward, kept my focus at my feet while screaming, crying, begging, and shouting passed by me as an unrecognizable blur. Flames, birds, angry dogs, sinister laughing, I walked past it all like it didn't even exist. It didn't matter. The second we stepped through the next blinking light, the air felt lighter and the atmosphere calmer.

Hades stopped, so I did too, and looked around.

"Wow..."

I breathed out.

"I know. This place is different."

Different indeed. We had stepped right into a lush and dense forest. Small birds flew over us and chirped in between the threes. Green field with long, thick grass. Colorful flowers. But besides the endless, untouched forest and birds, there didn't seem to be anyone here but us. This place felt more like a break, a space of peace, than a place in hell, and I took the opportunity to fill my lungs to the brim. The light, fresh air felt like an infusion of energy flushed straight into my body, spread across with my blood as my heart slowly started beating slower.

"Why is it empty?"

Just then, a branch snapped, and the bushes ahead started to rustle.

Hades arched a brow and wiggled them in a playful manner, and I swear he rolled his eyes as the tall, slender woman figure came walking out on the open field.

"Ah, Eir! I've been waiting for you!"

Her voice sounded cheerful like she really meant it. Then she looked over at Hades, rolled her eyes, and sighed deeply,

"And Hades..."

"Nida, as always, an encounter I would avoid."

They exchanged stiff smiles.