radicalducati Come Back Home
Come Back Home
Sebastian
As I stood outside her door, I took a deep breath and knocked, trying to compose myself. My mind was racing, thinking of all the things I wanted to say to her and my heart was beating loud. My chest was heaved with tension and the urgency to talk to her, to see her face and grasp the one possible opportunity to pull her in my arms again as if time itself was running out and this was my only chance.
The wait felt like an eternity until finally, she opened the door.
"Sebastian..." Other than the surprise on her face, I couldn't read anything else but her red eyes surely said that she had been crying.
The sight of her left me speechless for a moment, but I gathered my courage and managed to stammer out a greeting, "Hey."
I comfortably tucked my hands in the pockets of my overcoat, barely managing to stay still.
"You were supposed to leave today," She sniffled, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand to erase any possible traces of tears.
God! I wanted to hug her, kiss her tears away and fix it all.
But I lost the right a long ago.
"I couldn't," I somewhat managed to let out. She looked into my eyes, as always reading everything that my mouth hadn't told.
"Come inside."
She stepped aside, granting me ample space to enter her apartment. As I crossed the threshold, she gently closed the door behind me and made her way back to the chair situated in the corner of her room. The last time I had been here, the place had been in disarray - shattered fragments of once-beautiful objects strewn about the floor. But now, everything was in its place, meticulously arranged with care. I could see that even the broken vases had been fixed, likely by her own hand, as evidenced by the small bandage on her index finger.
It was a familiar sight, her habit of mending broken things, even if it meant hurting herself in the process. Just like I did.
"Why?" She was the one to break the silence, "Why have you come here?"
Something about her calmness was both eerie and reassuring at the same time. Regardless of the circumstances and miles of the invisible distance separating us, she remained as stunning as ever, her beauty undiminished.
And all I wanted was to put the shine that I had once snatched back in her eyes.
"Because I can't watch you being with someone else."
"What do you mean?" She seemed confused
"I...I saw you with Aaron today. I heard everything and I know what's going on."
For a second it was surprise that crossed her expression and then disbelief which I had quite expected but suddenly there was a flicker of anger, "What do you mean by you know what's going on?"
"Athena, I didn't mean it like that. I-I..."
"Oh sure, you didn't," She chuckled, bitterly, "Do you really think so low of me that I'd elope with another man behind your back?"
"I don't see this the way you do."
"Then enlighten me. Tell me how you see this?" She crossed her arms.
"I think it would be completely fair for you to decide what to do. I have no right to you, nor should you be condemned to a lifetime of loneliness and pain. I do not wish to see you suffer or struggle on your own, carrying the burden of my mistakes and the weight of memories that haunt you... I don't want to see you mend yourself all on your own. I want to see a smile on your face. Indeed it's true that I want to be the one putting that smile back, bringing that shine once again and watching you regrow again but just to let you know, it'd never ever be a hindrance in the path of your happiness," I hesitated for a few seconds before I uttered the next words, "Even if it's with someone else you choose."
She fell silent as her eyes watched me, perhaps, trying to decide whether to believe the words of her abuser. Surely, it would be anyone's last choice but she was not just anyone....she was the woman who tried to embrace me at my worst.
I wondered if she'd ever look at me the same way she did— With eyes full of love.
"You'd really allow me to go with someone else?" She asked, her voice cracked, "You would let me go to see me happy?"
I did not know if it was pain or something far from my understanding, but I knew she felt something. I was unsure of what it was but, it was something.
I took the courage to walk closer to her and sat on my knees before her, taking her hands in mine. We were close, I could see through her eyes and inhale her heavenly smell; sparks were passing through my cells like electricity yet I felt like she and I were oceans apart.
"I am willing to do anything to see you happy. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, and though I understand how difficult it may be for you to believe, I love you. But, If Aaron is the one who brings you joy, makes you feel secure, and is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I will not stand in your way. Even if it breaks my heart, I will let you go. I broke you, Athena, I know you can't trust me with rebuilding you," Tears welled up in my eyes, I wished I could ask her to stay, I wished I had the right to stop her, "If you want to leave with Aaron, I won't stop you. It's your choice, you can choose him if you wish to spend your life with him and if you think he genuinely feels for you. Just know that my love for you will never falter, even if we must part ways." I could not meet her eyes.
"You don't understand...Sebastian," A trembling sigh left her mouth, "You don't know how badly I wish that I could choose anyone else except for you. You don't get how much it affects me to live with the truth that no matter where you are, how much distance we have between us and what we have gone through, I'd always keep loving you."
My gaze flicked to her in surprise, I did not know whether to react or wait for her to continue speaking.
"Aaron's a really good guy. He cares for me, I know that and his feelings are genuine. None of the things he did for me are charity. While it is true that I have some feelings for him, they are not the kind of feelings he desires. I cannot see him the way he wishes me to, nor can I envision myself seeing anyone in that way except for you. It pains me, Sebastian," She admitted, tears streaming down her face, "Why must it be this way? Why can't I move on from you, no matter how much I try? Please, tell me why."
I reached and wiped away her tears, "Don't cry."
"No, let me," She grabbed my hand and settled them where they were before, interlocked with hers, "Do you know how terrifying these past six months had been for me? You don't. Every night I wondered if you even think of me. I forced myself to look at the marks you left on me but every time, I only missed those beautiful moments when you touched me with love. I tried to hate you in every possible way Sebastian, but I failed every time and it made me feel ashamed of myself."
"I am sorry," My voice trembled, "I am so sorry for everything I put you through. I am sorry that you always had to see a monster in me instead of a mate.
"I have forgiven you for what you did to me long ago, Sebastian. I never admitted but I did and when Cora told me about what you are doing to yourself the other day, I finally realised that I don't hate you at all. It was only a few grudges that I thought would help me hate you but they never did. I can never see you getting hurt and sitting still. The only thing that has been holding me back all these months was the fact that I lost our baby because of you," She sniffled, "But again, I had as much fault in that as you did. If I hadn't trusted Julia, that day wouldn't have come."
I had never expected her to forgive me, let alone take some of the blame. It was a bitter truth to swallow, but at the same time, it was also a relief.
"I know. The pain of our irreparable loss weighs heavy upon us, a constant reminder of our shattered dreams. I understand that it is a burden we must bear together, and I vow to stand by your side through the darkest of days. A man like me does not deserve your forgiveness let alone love but still...when it comes to you, I am selfish. I want to be with me—I cannot deny the selfish desire that burns within me," I continued, "I can not bring back what we lost. I can not bring back our baby and I am aware that none of us would ever be able to overcome that loss. There are going to be tough times but you won't have to fight it alone.," I sighed, pressing my forehead against her hands, fearing her response.
"Sebastian...." Pulling her hands away she cupped my face, rubbing her thumb across my skin as if to coax me, "I need to tell you something."
"I went for a medical checkup today. I was experiencing some weird symptoms for the past few days, in fact, months, actually. And it turns out that fate has given something back in the most unexpected way," She breathed, "Our baby...it's not gone."
My mind stopped and so did my heart.
"What?"
She grabbed the report that had been sitting at her desk the whole time and handed it to me, "Here. It was as hard for me to believe as it is for you, now. But, our little one really protected itself...for us."
My stare stayed on her for a couple of seconds before it moved to the report that I had in my shaky hands. I did not know how to react to the news. The sudden news got me trapped in a strange haze where the time was running slow but the emotions were processing fast as ever.
With trembling hands, I summoned the courage to open the file. As I read through it, not a word escaped my lips. I was struck by disbelief - unsure whether to laugh or cry.
When I finally managed to tear my gaze away from the report, I looked at her and whispered, "Athena, come home."
Say yes. Please say yes.
Her lips curled into a faint smile as she spoke, "You once said you would die for me. But now, I ask you to live for me. Will you do that, no matter what it takes?"
Without hesitation, I replied, "Yes. I promise to never let you go again."
She leaned in and gently wiped away my tears, "Then take me home, Sebastian."