radicalducati The Time That Had Gone
The Time That Had Gone
Athena
Shocked, stunned and mostly speechless, I found myself wanting to take more than a few steps back to create some sort of distance between us, to allow myself to take it all in— Get through the momentary disbelief with no damage. But there was no place left, not even a fraction of an inch.
"What...what are you saying?" I stammered, "How come you not have a...."
"It's just fate, Athena. For the longest time, I kept believing that I have a mate and I was just yet to find her even though my own parents had let me know the truth way earlier to make it easier for me to digest," He spoke, strange melancholy flickering in his orbs— Crossing his face like a silhouette, "But, soon I became aware of the reality when, on one, unfortunate full moon, it was revealed to me that I did not have that line of fate neither on my hand nor my forehead."
"It could also be that the one predicting was wrong. How can you be so sure about that?"
"We are werewolves, sweetheart. None predicts the future for us except for the moon goddess and that night, the message I got was loud and clear. It was harsh, but it struck me right to wipe away the last traces of hope away from my mind. She said to me by herself, and she won't lie, will she?" Bitter laughter left his mouth at the end of his sentence, he seemed hurt.
I was tongue-tied. Unsure of what I was supposed to do, comfort him? Or just run away from what he was asking— From where all these came to the revelation
"I am sorry, Aaron."
"Don't be," He stepped closer, lifting his hand to caress my cheek and tuck a piece of my hair strand behind my ear.
I hated to admit but his touch held the desire that I had searched for, in Sebastian's. His gaze held the longing, I was ready to die for only to have one glance of it in the blue orbs of that man.
"Just come with me. I can make you happy; give you the whole world, just say yes for once," He pressed his forehead against mine, breathing in my scent, "I had never imagined my mate even when I wished I had one, but every time I see...you feel like everything at once. And it's not just today since I started feeling for you, it'd been long— From the first day of that night when you were brought on that stage of the auction. Your tears made my heart ache but I was worthless, fearful and mostly a coward who couldn't man up enough to save you from what you went through but now....I have got no fears. I have finally decided to step out of those boundaries and take a chance at life. Please....don't push me away."
"How do I not know that it's not a pity?" My voice was barely higher than a whisper.
"Look into my eyes, Athena, what do you see? Pity or love?" He asked, holding me even closer and secured.
There was a brief silence when I looked farthest into his orbs, seeing nothing but absolute devotion. And even amidst this atmosphere filled with tension, he made me feel safe. And that's what scared me— How manipulating his presence was and how his gentle words and soothing touches managed to coax me in despite the havoc going on in my life.
I broke away from the eye contact, mostly afraid.
"I need some time, Aaron. You can't just barge into my life like a storm and expect me to fly away with you with no hesitation."
"Why do you need time for it? To dwell on your past and torture yourself until you can't take it anymore?" He sounded frustrated.
"Maybe! Maybe that's what I want instead of taking the risk of someone else getting into my life and demolishing the last pieces I have collected over the years— It took me a long time to build this world. How can I make up my mind to leave all of it behind overnight?"
"A world?" He had this 'are you kidding me' look plastered over his face as if to tell me how ridiculous he found my sentence, "Of course, if you call a sick joke such as living while staying fucking stuck in the same damn past 'A world' then be it!"
I did not want to have another word with him. It was exhausting for me to have to explain myself a hundred times when it was no secret that I'd lost literally everything, including my hopes and reasons to live.
I lost my baby, for god's sake!
"You may leave now, Aaron. I need some rest," I brushed past him and walked back into my bedroom and moments later I heard the sound of heavy footsteps followed by the slam of the door clashing shut telling me that he had left.
A defeated sigh left my mouth as I sat on the bed, and broke down burying my face into my palms.
No matter how hard I was trying, my life was only getting harder and harder.
*********
Athena
"They say, pancakes can fix anyone's mood," Shelly spoke from beside me, her hand holding a plate full of freshly baked pancakes she had got off the pan just minutes ago as if to tempt me and get me out of my trance, "So, pancakes?"
I hated to stay like this, silent and gloomy, but this situation has always been my companion. It was strange that even after such a long time, I didn't succeed in getting accustomed to it. I'd always searched for a reason to smile, and I still did but there was simply no way to fix my life.
"I am good, Shelly," I flashed her a small smile, "Thank you."
"Starving yourself is never a good option, Athena. I don't understand why you think not eating anything will magically resolve all of your problems."
"I don't think like that," I mumbled, unsure if it was going to be convincing enough.
"Shut it and save it for later. I know you and trust me, I have been there when not eating anything seemed like the best option and it really brought me nothing except for exhaustion so yeah, that's why I am telling you," She looked at me, her eyes soft, "Eat something and take care of yourself."
Her request was enough to make me take the plate from her and began digging in. A smile spread on her face as she watched me eat. I was actually quite hungry, I just hadn't realised until now when the sight of food spiked my interest.
She didn't move from my side and silently watched me. I sometimes wondered how good my life might have been if I had her as my mother. It made me think, how much love her eyes could have held for her child when she cared so much for a stranger like me.
"Shelly?"
"Yes, Sweetheart."
"You always talk about your father and family. Why do you never speak about your mate?" I let out; This question had been bugging me for many months.
She felt silent, her discomfort was apparent and restless eyes glancing out of the way and looking at the traffic of the spacious roads confirmed her reluctance to speak about the topic.
However, before the moment I was about to tell her that she didn't really need to answer my question, she spoke up.
"Well, not everyone turns out to be the most amazing and loving mate. Some ill-fated ones get gambler and alcoholic offered by fate," She let out, a deep sigh of despair that had more pain hidden beneath than what she let on up on the surface, "My mate was an alcoholic and the only reason he decided to stay with me for the first few years was for money so that he could pursue his life with another woman, who had similar interest like him— You know, gambling, alcohol and sometimes drugs."
"What?" My hand flew to cover the gasp slipping past my mouth.
"Hard to believe isn't it?" She laughed in silence, it had no humour, "You know that I ended up in debt because of the lack of orders due to the growing mills and factories but actually, that's half of the truth. One of the main reasons why I am knees buried in debt is because of my mate. Despite all of his injustices, extramarital affairs, and abuse that often got worse when he'd come drunk, sometimes drugged and carrying the weight of another loss at the casino, there was still some trust I had left in him. So when one day, he promised me to fix himself and leave all of his bad habits behind and mend our relationship, It didn't take me a second thought to trust him and give him money to start his new business even though I had to put everything at stake to gather the amount which also included putting this bakery up for a bank loan. And...he just ran away with his girlfriend."
She began breaking down, I could feel her pain and how much damage it cost her soul to trust a man who simply did not deserve it.
I stepped closer and rubbed her back, trying to help her relax whilst she was already bursting into tears.
"My father died, trying to pay back the loans and having to bear the torture of lenders coming and slamming our doors every day till his last breath and I think my fortune will end up like his too. It has been thirty-eight years and my mate never looked back."
"Is he alive?"
"I don't know, to be honest, it doesn't matter anymore. I went through the worst because of him. I felt his mark getting wiped off from my skin when he marked someone else, I endured the pain and that hurt; More than anyone can imagine," She sobbed, "I wish I hadn't trusted him."
Not knowing how to comfort her, I pulled her in a hug, "It's okay. We all make mistakes."
"It's hard to find a man willing to change, most of the time, you don't find men who are ready to mend their mistakes. The ones who get this chance are actually the luckiest on earth because women like us know how terrifying it is to live with the fact that the one who wronged you would never ever regret his deeds or simply....acknowledge what he has done."
With that one last sentence, Shelly unknowingly made me question all of my decisions and made me want to rethink them for the first time in all these months.