radicalducati One Choice Left
One Choice Left
Athena
After long struggles and finding a way out of the mansion to attend the appointment, the reports I got from the doctor confirmed the unnerving truth that I was actually pregnant and if anything this final confirmation did, was making the terrible hopelessness sink even deeper, trap me in a never-ending haze of despair. This news of my pregnancy has attacked me like a disastrous storm, broke me on a level that even Sebastian hadn't managed to reach; To say, I was devastated, it wouldn't even express a tinge bit of my anguish.
I was one month pregnant. For a whole month, my baby has been with me, but I didn't know. And now that I finally knew, I was drowning in guilt and remorse. I couldn't picture myself taking my child's life. I'd rather die than commit such a vicious crime.
"How can I let you go?" Tears freely ran down my cheeks as I put my hand over my stomach. It was only a month but I could already feel my baby's presence, "I can't..."
All I could see around me was dark even though the lights of the room did a decent job of keeping everything bright. It was as if the soul-shaking darkness of the night sky has descended to the ground and consumed me in it intending to never let me escape ever again.
Of course, I wanted to give this baby a chance to live but I was afraid, so afraid that this world and its people would snatch the colours away from his life as it did to me. My child might never even get the love of a father, and what if my fate ends up being like Carolina's?
What if amidst all these heartless acts, and ruthless deeds, Sebastian's heart really becomes like his father's and he ends up doing the same thing as him and killing his own mate? It didn't matter that what Sebastian was doing was in a state where he did not have any control over him whatsoever, and his and his father's situation were purely different; His father's deeds were done with pure vile intentions and every Sebastian did was done in a state of helplessness, under the possession of his curse that he asked for and embraced with open arms.
Death didn't scare me as much as seeing the worst side of him did. I did not wish to see the worst.
I was simply tired of fighting. Yes, I was weak and I don't find any shame in accepting the truth since I had never claimed to be strong. I had always been aware of how deep I was in the water and how far could I go.
My intentions and vision were clear. Even a few days ago, I only had one person to fight for and that was my mate but in this meaningless life of mine, for the first time ever I could see a beautiful meaning. Another reason worth fighting for, and...taking decisions I'd never presumed of taking.
And that was my baby. I could not let Sebastian ruin this precious life under the effects of his curse which he, himself was reluctant to let go of. After being with him all these months, I could distinguish one thing very clearly— To him, Nothing mattered more than this curse. He did not consider it a curse, he considered it his source of strength that he solely uses to inflict pain on others and somehow wishes to fill the longing and emptiness of his soul.
There was no guarantee on how long it was going to take him to finally realize the true meaning of life that was giving him chances every time, to live once again, nor was there any security on if he was ever going to get out of that hallucination.
If was overthinking or not was still a question that stood out of everything, however, nothing was impossible for a man like Sebastian. The person within him that I wished to see, and bring out, was long gone. Bringing him back was like a dream that would never be accomplished and I couldn't sacrifice the life of my child for some imagined slights like this, not anymore.
I have fought enough and all of those harsh rejections I have got every time I tried to claim my chance at love, give this mate-bond a chance, have given the answer to all the supposed outcomes of me keeping trying to mend this relationship till my last breath.
And this baby's life was not worth sacrificing for Sebastian's curse, not for anything else in this whole world.
"I won't let anything happen to you. Momma's not gonna snatch your chance to live, I'd do anything to protect you and unfortunately, to protect you from the dangers out there, we have to live without your dad because if there's any threat to your life, your father is one of them." I breathed out, wiping my tears with the back of my hand but somewhat not succeeding in stopping myself from crying.
I had no options other than choosing only between my mate or my unborn child.
Choosing Sebastian would mean letting go of my child because if I were to keep trying to bring Sebastian back, there are no ways that this soul could flourish amidst this dangerous havoc.
I wouldn't be able to give this baby a beautiful life if I had to live in this hell Sebastian created for me by himself.
And if I choose this baby, I'd have to leave Sebastian... forever.
But this decision should have been easy. Sebastian hurt me, broke me until there was left no way for me to fix myself, put me through hell and snatched all hopes for me to live....I should have felt for him instead of the love that stirred awake in my heart every time I saw him.
Why did I feel like I was getting torn between these two options? Why did I feel like not leaving my mate and not letting go of my child as well?
Would it be an injustice if I didn't let Sebastian know about the existence of his child and run far away from him? If yes, then making my child live without the shadow of a father was the same crime too.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do..." A sob left my mouth, "I love your father, it's not his fault that he has turned into a monster, he's not a terrible being, he's just lost and I don't see any way to bring him back. I know he needs me but...I can't risk your life; I can't let you go. You are the only good thing that ever happened to me. I can't sacrifice your happiness for your father who has already sacrificed his long ago. I want to bring you to the world, the world I'll build for you, with me."
Words couldn't express my emotions, or my agony. I'd always thought I'd been through my fair share of pain and nothing could hurt me more than I'd already faced but everything was a wrong assumption. What I'd seen and faced was not even close to the pain I felt today, this news shattered me in a way nothing else ever had or could have, not even my cursed mate whose only intention was to break me so that I couldn't mend him.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," I sniffled, my tears flowing down abundantly, "I thought I could heal your father and then we could have you and a wonderful life together, but you are just the perfectly right thing that happened in the wrong time."
"But I won't let go of you. Yes, it'll hurt me beyond extreme to leave your dad on his own, but I will do anything for you and make the sacrifices my parents never made for me. You deserve all the happiness in this world, a beautiful life where you wouldn't have to stay trapped in a cage and desperately look for light over and over again, just like once I and your father did," I drew in a breath, inchmeal attaining control over myself, "You'll be free, like a bird, and you'll get everything your heart desires, momma might not be able to fulfil the absence of your dad but she'll give never let any of your wishes unfulfilled. You are going to have everything your parents never had, you'll never have to face the dark side of this world. You won't have to suffer."
The decision was hard, and probably going to hurt me for the rest of my life but did I have any option? No, I didn't; This was the only option left for me and no matter how much it hurt, broke me from within, I had to take this step, once and for all.
But before that...
Once Sebastian arrived, I had to face him for one last time and this he'd have to answer every question, solve every dilemma he has put me in, face the truth he always runs away from and either he'd have to let his curse go, or let me go.
For once, there would be no more compromise; I won't let him have power over me. Not for love, not for this bond or anything we have had. It'd have to be his sole decision that, perhaps would be the last stroke for me and this time I won't fall weak because I have one more reason to stay strong and face the storm that my mate push me into.
And there's not even a single doubt that existed at any corner of my head—If Sebastian put me into a place where I'd have no way other than choosing between him and my baby, it'd be my baby.
I have fought enough for him and it didn't give me anything other than pain and regret. But now, it was my unborn child who gave me a new reason to live and I was willing to do anything but not let go of this beautiful reason.