I love you... or you?

Chapter 37

Susie POV

Everytime I had a fight with Mykel or anyone who was being hurtful to me I would leave to the mall or here, in the middle of the forest where I knew no one whould try to reach me, because I didn’t had a wolf I was mostly running my mind till I had answers, that made me feel safe but now I’m stuck with how things have no answers, all I ever wanted was to make things easier, feel like I wasn’t the problem.

Trying to think again on how I can feel safe I realize the woods I used to know, now are totally changed, the road is not there anymore, the colors have all changed, everything is differente. I look up tot he sky where I usually would see the clouds that was as clouded as my heart and mind, yet I’m stuck with trying to learn how is it that now there are no clouds, the sky is bright with the stars, the moon is out as well but half.

“Susie!” I hear Neo shout from the distance and I don’t move, I stay trying to understand why.

Do I really need to accept that being in love is nothing but just a feeling that can be taken for granted and not worth anything if I am not what others expect of me? What is the use of trying to be a better me if by the end of my day I will just be alone, uneeded and unwanted? The desire to be important is the only weakness I have to deal with on a day to day, even when Neo turned out to be my mate, which was and is still a blessing to my life, but thinking about this just gets me even more sad till I feel someone crash their chest to my back waking me from my doubts.

“Sue! What the hell!” Neo shouts hugging me tight, I dont do anything just stay there lost in the same thoughts when I hear him clear his throat and move to my side to talk to me.

“Sue? Talk to me, I know what I said has you thinking” he looked like he ran a marathon and is clearly out of breath but his face is showing how clear he is with worry for me.

“Why are you out of here you usually never do follow me after we have a fight?” I ask getting things clarear to him then to myself.

“That can be put on wait until this is resolved for now at least. Susie. What is eating you?” He asks me and I just want to leave his side for a while longer as I feel him asking me just to get rid of me.

“Susie please stop hiding behind your insecurities, your not your parents you aren’t even pregnant with a pup yet, and no I’m not insulting you I’m trying to open your eyes here Sue” he stops me with his words and I feel those words a bit more annoying and hurtful then I’m sure he intended them to be, I turn to look at him with anger in my eyes.

“So what? Just because I don’t have a baby doesn’t mean I am entitled to feel like it’s not enough for me? I grew up with little to half or less, I had to fill in holes by myself because I wasn’t what others want! Finally I get the gift of a mate who is also not satisfied with my good work in keeping him with me! Because he thinks my second chance is the best thing ever! Did you knew Jaime rejected the night I was suppose to get my wolf?!” I shout back at him while listening to small grunts from a far I decide to ignore those sounds and focus on the current situation at hand.

“Yes I remember that Sue, but what if you give that a chance? Why does it scare you? You had a good mate before you got in the bad one, shouldn’t that help you? Shouldn’t that be enough if the second doesn’t work?” He asks me and I want to cry but I bite my inner cheek to not do that.

“No, because that’s all I ever get Neo, half or doesn’t work. I don’t get the entire love q mate should give, I get less then that and when ever I do get it the abuse is worse then the love it could be providing instead” I answer and his face changes from concern to concentrated on what to say.

Neo know this is not new. We have had many discussions many conversations and many what if‘s but this conversation feels like it would be my last conversation with him which is only proving my point of what I’m trying so desperately to just simply run away from for years I’ve been working I’m trying to make things as stable as possible not getting into anything that could indicate that there’s something wrong or something that needs to be figured out because it already is figured out.

But there is no reason for me to try and figure something that doesn’t need to be fixed yet still here I am trying to figure out why is it that I can never get always something there’s always that gray line that has no definition or answer that can permanently resolve a damage said I never asked for.

Just as I am about to add something to what I just stated I look behind Neo and didn’t catch on time that Mykels wolf was running our way.

Authors Note; Hey! Hope you love the book so far for more of my book and what else I’m up to go to F A C E B O O K groups type Author Meg Elly Gerena and in my group you will be in the know of what else I’m up too!