To-Do Him List

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Dear Diary,

With the depth of his gaze, the weight of his words, how could I not?

Cole rubbed the back of his neck as he trod the stairs of the bus. Could this get any more complicated?

Derek mumbled, but he ignored it, plucked a beer from the fridge, and continued to the back of the bus. If space was what she required, he’d give her some, but the grief in her eyes damn near killed him. His suspicion she’d built a familiar barrier between them was confirmed when he stood in the doorway. Only the guys were there.

“She went to bed.” Drew held out another drink after he downed the first in one long swallow. “You okay?” He didn’t let go even though Cole now gripped it too. Temptation to go after her nagged at him, the anchor helped. “No.”

Drew let go and nudged his head toward the lounge.

When he glanced at her bunk, the pale light glowed behind the curtain and he could hear the faint turn of a page. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he stepped in to join the guys, and closed the door behind him.

****

The bus slowed to a stop, and the driver who’d taken over so Derek could get some sleep yawned. Ohio. He didn’t check the time when they crashed, but it couldn’t have been long ago. The hum of the road didn’t drown out the many text message alerts from her phone, and it took all his willpower not to slide the curtain back and demand he be the one she talked to. She consumed him now, much like last night, and he didn’t know how to stop the free fall. His father’s words kept coming back to him.

If you find her Cole, fight like hell to keep her.

His father regretted he hadn’t done that for his mother, but how could he fight for someone who didn’t belong to him, wasn’t guaranteed long term?

“I may not be able to fight for her, but I will fight with her.” A rush of adrenaline hit him when the idea of her failing to complete the list made his own life feel incomplete. He glanced down at himself, shook his head, and rushed out of the bus with his phone. Arrangements for her list, with his resources, could be fast-tracked.

****

Cole skipped up the stairs a little lighter on his feet, until his gaze fell on Drew propped against her bunk, rubbing her back. His heart raced. With all she’d confessed so far, any number of things could be wrong. He ran to her in a fog much like the slow motion of a horror movie. The bottle of water and acetaminophen came into view, so he lightened his steps and winced. “Another headache?”

He glared at Drew’s smugness, a little too amused, seeing his best friend fall apart over a girl.

“Hangover.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, and over exaggerated his exhale. “Izzy dear, you are aging me. I have a rock star image to maintain. That won’t be easy with a cane.” He smoothed her hair back so he could see her beautiful eyes and leaned forward, to place a light kiss on her forehead. She groaned. He chuckled so deep, his entire upper torso shook with it.

“Ugh, not so loud. How the hell do you guys do it? Do you have the tolerance of elephants?”

When she let her eyes drift closed at his touch, a piece of the wall he built around himself for years crumbled. Drew patted his shoulder and edged away. She opened her eyes again, with a glint of something he couldn’t define. Need, maybe? Being on the road for years with a group of men didn’t offer much opportunity to take care of someone, to feel needed. The real kind of needed.

He bit his bottom lip. What happened last night still lay heavily on his mind but he didn’t want to provoke her into giving him all he longed for, to know everything about her. He’d been so focused on a label for his attraction to her he neglected to consider what type of baggage she brought with her. To know she had baggage, much like the rest of them, only made the desire to know her stronger. He kissed her forehead once more. His plans for tonight might offer them the opportunity to discover more, in many ways.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh really, and what would that be?” She put her hands over her eyes and sighed. “Please tell me I won’t need liquid courage, my liver needs a break.”

He placed his hands over hers and guided them until they were held in place, above her head. The motion stilled her distress, but lifted her shirt. Her black panties, sheer enough to see through, didn’t distract him from her pulse racing against his hand. He ignored his body’s involuntary advance in her direction and covered her with the blanket. He couldn’t form words while imagining climbing on top of her.

She giggled as if she understood his silent behavior.

“Better. Now, the venue we are playing at tonight is a hotel/casino. What that means is we get a night off this bus.” He raised his eyebrows. “We get a private room. With a large bed. You know, to sleep in or whatever. There may even be a bucket list item I could help you with, if you’ll stay with me?”

With his hands gripped on the edge of her bed, he backed away and dropped his gaze to the floor, whispering the last few words. He acted like a teenager again, asking a girl out on their first date. Only more concerned about the nightcap rather than the date.

“Cole?”

“Yes?”

“Are you sure you will be up for it after the show?”

His laugh echoed. “Uh yeah.” He stuffed his clammy hands in his pockets and bounced on his toes. “My hand could use the break.”

Chuckles murmured from the back of the bus. Yeah, privacy would be nice for a night.

****

“I see the way you watch her.” Drew spoke under his breath so the other guys didn’t hear. Not that they would anyway over the pompous banter that always ensued during a game of hoops in their typical concealed location at the venue. Passing time. Maybe he could convince Tony to arrange for a private, high-rollers room in the casino. It’d been a while since he’d seen Brett dump a fortune.

“Cole?”

“Drop it, man.” He threw the ball up and missed.

“She’s a beautiful woman Cole, who doesn’t even know it. That alone makes her desirable, much more than what we see every day out on the road. You didn’t ever look at Alexis the way you do her. This is different. It kills me too, ya know, that she has this list. I don’t want to pry, but what is wrong with her? You said the list is real, but never said any more.”

He lowered his gaze and scuffed his shoes on the pavement. The ball hit him in the chest. He picked it up and lobbed it to Zander. The game continued, but he veered for the curb. Drew followed.

“Look.” He sat down and scrubbed his face, not sure how much information to give. He’d promised. “The list, it’s real. I gave her my word and with her, that needs to mean something. The hopelessness in her eyes when she told me was—”

He made sure no one else stood in earshot, but he could trust Drew. “After the list is done, she’s having surgery. The odds aren’t good, and it’s killing me. You’re right, she has me tied up in knots, and I don’t know what to do about it. Don’t bust my balls about it. Please.”

“Shit. I don’t know what to say, man. She’s so young, and beautiful. I’m a little jealous I didn’t get to her tweet first.”

He leaned his shoulder into Cole and they swayed. “I’m not going to say my usual don’t get attached. I think you already are. What I will say is, whatever happens we’re here for you, and that will never change. Let me know if you need my help making plans.” He elbowed him in the ribs and chuckled. “Or, if you need a break, I could take over an item or two.”

The game, like always, morphed into a full-out contact sport in front of them. “Something about that woman makes me want to give her the world. So let’s get one thing straight, I want her, for as long as I can have her. If that means I get crushed in the end, so be it. I won’t have her going into surgery feeling incomplete.” His gaze dropped to the ground. “I know that feeling all too well. It sucks.”

He stood up, and tilted his head from side to side. He needed to get his head back in the game. “I’ll let you know when I need your help, and I’m sure I will. I can’t thank you guys enough for this, and don’t think I am oblivious to her impact on everyone. I see it.”

He held out his hand and Zander passed him the ball. Swish. Back in the game.

****

The day raced by. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if it’d dragged a little. Her stomach was in knots about which bucket-list item he had planned. With little on the agenda and lots of down time, sound check along with fan greets ended before she could blink. And already, she stood off to the side with the best view. The opening act finished their set and introduced the Scandals. She couldn’t imagine being out in this crowd, the heart of the beast. She smiled, totally a groupie.

The guys paced, fiddled with drumsticks or guitar picks, and in general, appeared skittish. “Do you guys get nervous before a show, after all these years?”

“Yes,” they answered in unison.

She laughed so hard tears formed in her eyes. She loved these guys. Her back stiffened. She glimpsed at their expressions to find out if that had come out of her mouth. The girls used that word a lot last night while texting. Must be that.

“Get walking, guys.”

She jumped and glared at the man who yelled right behind her.

Brett, Zander, and Drew climbed the stairs first. Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a silent O when the three men kissed her on the cheek as they passed, like some kind of good luck charm. The wall of ice she’d worked so hard to build the night before melted a little. She spun on her toes with a smile, knowing who would be next and lost the ability to talk.

Engulfed in his heated embrace, he ignored the second cue to get his ass out on stage and kissed her as if tomorrow would never come. She’d have fallen into a puddle of lust if he hadn’t held on so tight. His body was firm against hers but his lips were soft, warm. He broke away, but still held on and displayed the most adorable dimples.

“Well, this is a first for me.”

She stared at him until he nudged his very hardened length into her.

“Usually the hard-on doesn’t come until after the show.” He tore himself away and winked on his way to the stairs. With his fist in the air, he ran on stage as if he’d just won over more than the fans. Her heart beat in rhythm with their chants because he had.

She replaced his arms with hers and stared in adoration. The group of men she’d come to care for motivated people and had created boisterous commotion in a room quiet only hours ago. Never in her life had she imagined standing backstage, with a lanyard around her neck that named her as a special part of the band. And also with bragging rights from experience, able to say she preferred the real men behind those instruments.

They played the crowd with a skill that convinced every woman and man they were doing a private performance just for them. It worked just as well on her. He sang rough, and with an edge. But when he started their newest single “Dazed,” the slower melody of his voice would melt the panties off any woman. Her eyes widened, but her smile faded as he extended his arm, and caught a large red bra before it hit him in the face. He held it up to the crowd and their excitement increased. She tightened her arms around herself, and leaned up on tiptoe to see around the speaker. The owner of said bra beamed at him. Her fists clenched and an instant hair-pulling altercation entered her mind.

She stalked over to the wall, out of view, and dug out her phone. She needed to get her head on straight.

Ok Ladies, am I doing the right thing? He wants me to spend the night with him at the hotel after tonight’s show to work on…. the list. Plus, some blonde well-endowed woman, by a talented surgeon nonetheless, just whipped her bra on stage at him and well…should I really be feeling the need drag her off by her hair?

Send.

She tapped her phone on her thigh and huffed. The usual commotion backstage held her attention. The girls were mindful of keeping their phones close while she was away, but it didn’t compare to having them there with her. Her phone vibrated in her hand, ring tones being useless when the guys were loud enough to make the floor pulse beneath her.

I am dying to know what he is like in the sack so if you don’t give me details after, I may take you out by your hair. It’s just a performance for the crowd. Taryn

If what I’ve heard is true…. I’m jealous of you. You have spent a lot of time with them. Feelings will come with that sweetie. Don’t read too much into it or you won’t enjoy yourself. Katherine

If you can manage Kindergarten kids, you can handle groupies. Immature, needy, have a lot to learn…. ring a bell? Abigail

She put her phone back in her pocket and the tightness in her chest eased; the girls were right. She inhaled deep to avoid tears, not wanting to be too hypersensitive about the loss of time with them while she pursued her list.

She paced. When the encore ended, she stopped with her back to the stage. The crowd went wild and more bras were sure to be thrown. The first hard smack on her ass startled her. Unlike the sweet kisses she reveled in pre-show, she now imagined herself with a reddened behind as each man landed a blow and laughed on their way by.

“Your backside must be a very pretty shade of red. I’ll take it easy on you, for now,” he murmured from behind and held her hips while he pressed his sweaty body against her back, still hard everywhere. She trembled.

“You’re shaking. Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?” He spun her around; concern filled his eyes.

Up on tiptoe, and only a breath away from his lips, she whispered back. “Cole. I’m really nervous about later, that’s all. Although, if you are a good boy, I’ll let you play doctor and examine me to make sure.”

His hands, still at her waist, tightened. He inched them up and her top rose as well. A low groan passed his lips. He stroked her soft, bare flesh and leaned into her lips but still didn’t follow through. “You’re killing me, sweetheart.”

The heat of his breath hit hers and she fisted his sweaty T-shirt. Her gaze scanned his and all sorts of images that excited her, entered her mind. Cole on his knees in front of her, licking her swollen nub. On his back in bed while she rode him, touching herself and driving him insane. Better yet, his strong hand down the front of her pants right now, stroking that spot.

His laugh wrenched her from a fantasy unfinished. “Why Isabelle, do tell what wicked little dreams you’re having right now?” ‌The bulge in the front of his pants touched her abdomen.

“Not little at all.” Before she had time to think or talk herself out of it, she smoothed her hands up his chest and laced them behind his neck. She closed the slight gap between them and licked his lip with the tip of her tongue. The salty taste of him added to her hunger, to have him in ways she’d never had anyone.

It didn’t cross her mind people might have been nearby. She needed him. Every time he deepened the contact, she wiggled away, set the pace. It wasn’t difficult to figure out he usually got his own way sexually, that he dominated his prey. Not this time.

His eyes drifted closed and he gripped her while she kissed him, with only enough pressure to feel her lips, but not satisfy. When she broke their contact, they both panted, fought the urge to go further. He traced a line along her jaw with his finger and stared into her eyes.

For the first time since meeting him, his experience with intimacy sparked her curiosity. What was his life like before her? The corner of her mouth rose. Did he fight dirty or was he always a charmer? She brushed her thighs together, imagined an argument with him, which she’d win. Would he apologize to her, up against a wall?

“Damn. There’s an after party in Brett’s room that I was going to ask you to, but I don’t know if I can even make it to the shower without ripping your clothes off.”

A sound. If she had to guess, Drew coughed in the distance. She giggled, “I would love to go to the party. Go take a cold shower.” She unlaced her fingers, dropped them to his ass, and yanked him in tight. The bold action stirred his arousal. “You don’t dare take care of that in the shower. That is mine.”

He squeezed his eyes shut tight and muttered something a lot like Lord, help me.

****

He jabbed at the button for the elevator to descend, now, and counted in his head with the numbers as they reversed.

“This VIP fan stuff is nothing you haven’t seen already. It’d bore you. Really, you won’t miss anything. We’re just gonna shower, get it over with, and come find ya. Feel free to get the party started for us.” He slowed his nervous ramble and stuffed his hands into his back pockets, as if he wasn’t trying to get rid of her, even though, he was. The elevator he nudged her into closed, and he let his stressed shoulders drop.

He distracted her from certain parts of their life; didn’t know if what they had could stand the test. The other guys would invite ladies of choice back to the room with them, and the fans they were on their way to meet…well, played along with it. He didn’t want to expose her to the kind of behavior he now believed was immature, that they exhibited in order to maintain their image.

Maybe the reason for the mood swings before her? He loved to sing rock music, but the image grew tiresome and this VIP experience, no different than the others. Women fondled him, and he smiled for pictures. He adored his fans; even the ones without restraint were a little entertaining. ‌But she waited for him, and no amount of cleavage or grabby hands sparked his desire or attention. He could only imagine what the pictures the fans took were going to turn out like.

****

He hit the elevator button that would take them to the top floor and to her. The number increased overhead and he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Female giggles from behind drew his gaze to the reflections on the walls. The men held beautiful women, one in each arm, except him. He shook his head and chuckled. That would have been his reflection not long ago, and it now seemed like a thing of the past, which didn’t bother him in the least.

He punched the button again. Drew scoffed at him in the mirrored walls, so he raised his hand over his shoulder, and gave him the finger with a glare he couldn’t maintain. When the elevator stopped, the doors opened, and he rushed out. The people who came and went from Brett’s room forced his stride to lengthen, more so when several attractive, normal men paraded in.

“Great selection in there tonight, boss man.” After quick handshakes with backslapping hugs, he passed the bodyguards and drilled his way through the crowd in Brett’s room. As usual, obscenities were hollered by the crew and several other people. There was never a shortage of praise for the Scandals.

He punched his fist to his palm when he couldn’t find her. The beautiful blonde who stared out the window while every man in the room ogled her, twirled around and smiled. She lowered her gaze to the floor. He let his arms drop to his sides.

Wow.

Someone tugged at his shoulder from behind. “I totally dug the schoolteacher getup, but damn. She can rock me anytime.” Zander bumped into his side and passed him. He slapped the idiot on the back of the head, but he didn’t flinch, just rubbed his head and laughed.

Every little inch of fabric on her, just covered the parts he hadn’t seen yet. He pursued her with slow determined steps. She stood tall in heels, wearing a ripped denim mini skirt that showed off her long, creamy-white legs. What caught his attention the most was the black halter tied around her neck and lower back. The closer he got, the more his heart pounded. Two perky little peaks appeared, hard, and there was only one reason for such a great view—no bra. He raised his eyebrows and adjusted the front of his pants a few steps away, letting her know she affected him in ways he would show her soon. A pink hue formed on her pale, white cheeks. “Isabelle.”

“Cole.”

“Can I get you a drink? A sweater, perhaps?”

Her gaze lowered to the silky black material before returning to him, with a twinkle in her eye.

“I changed, I hope you don’t mind. I would love a drink, and I can assure you, I’m not cold.”

He threw his head back and laughed at the innocence in her eyes, accompanied by a confidence he hadn’t seen before. He mumbled and strolled away, a little more uncomfortable in his swagger to get her a drink. Yeah, this was going to be a fun night.

****

Glued to her side, he checked his watch often. Men showered her with attention, and it drove him nuts. The laser-beam glares he gave them didn’t sway their decision to approach her.

“Relax buddy, she’s going back to your room tonight.” Brett put his arm around her. With his gaze on Cole’s scowl, he snuggled her in closer and grinned. The three he could trust with her didn’t bother him; the other barbarians in the room were a different story.

He crossed his arms, and huffed with annoyance when she strolled away under Brett’s arm, composed with that same wicked grin. He came on strong, yes, but couldn’t stop it in time. Did she need space from him?

He spun to face the floor to ceiling windows and leaned his forehead against the cold glass. His warm breath fogged the city lights outside. When he circled back to the crowded room, she stood still at the bedroom door, her jaw dropped in the cutest form of shock. It didn’t take much to imagine what took place in that room; it could make a dead person’s heart race.

He sauntered over to the bar, and without delay, received a shot of Jack Daniels. The pretty bartender hired for the evening had, on past occasions, made for a rather interesting evening, but not tonight. He leaned back with his elbows on the bar and surveyed the room.

Pride swelled in him when Drew shook his head with a smile at a man who held out an object and swayed off balance. They had a pact about drugs—do them and you’re out.

Drew didn’t make a scene out of it, just passed the man and made his way over to the bedroom. He hugged Isabelle from behind. She touched his arm with her hand and leaned into his words. Her gaze dropped to the floor and a blush covered her skin when he whispered in her ear. He didn’t linger, or pressure her, just chuckled and moseyed into the room.

The sudden temptation to make the rose-colored hue that Drew started, deepen, overwhelmed him. He shoved away from the bar. Her need for distance drove her away earlier, but he decided she’d had enough.

He strode to the bedroom and the same man as before held out a vial; he shook his head. While he continued forward, he signaled to one of the guards with the slight raise of his chin in the man’s direction. The problem would be taken care of with little commotion, so he focused on her.

His gaze traveled from the heels on her feet, up the length of her body, over each beautiful curve. His heart raced. She touched the side of her face with one hand, and the doorjamb with the other. The soft satin of her back was on display, along with the flush that tempted him to trace its path with his fingers. He longed to explore the exact locations where the sweet, yet spicy vanilla scent lingered. He wrapped his arms around her, the silk top so delicate and thin his skin warmed from her body heat. They admired the woman and two men, in the throes of extreme ecstasy.

He leaned into her ear. “Adding to your list?”

“I don’t think so, but I can’t seem to stop myself from watching.”

He nipped her earlobe and smiled. “Good. I don’t want to share you. Are your panties wet?”

With a large inhale of breath, her chest expanded under his embrace before she nodded and rotated in his arms, ever so slowly, to face him. He stepped forward and forced her back against the door. It banged into the wall.

She slid her hands under his shirt, and latched onto his sides for support. Since the day they met, his dreams involved her touch, and now that he had it, the contact created more pleasure than he’d imagined. Every gaze in the room might be focused on them, but his remained on her. The most beautiful blue eyes, parted lips waiting to be ravished, and just as he liked, the pulse at her neck raced. He placed his hands up on the door to cage her in. Her lips shined with a sweet gloss that drew him in. He stared at them as long as he could in his slow decent to claim her. The first taste on his tongue overpowered him, and he lost all control.

She moaned into his mouth and massaged her hands up his body. Her warm, soft touch became a demand when she scratched her nails through the hair at the back of his scalp. She used the tangled grip to pull him in deeper. A growl escaped him.

When she arched into him, he lowered his hands from the door and slid them over the silk that covered her stomach, to the soft, bare skin behind. He caressed his way up to the sides of her breasts. The thin material floated away from her skin and invited him in. He inched his thumbs inside, and stroked her bare nipples until they hardened to stiff points.

Her body trembled against him. He broke the kiss, needed to see the beautiful, undiluted pleasure on her face. Would she come from the stimulation alone?

She dropped her hands to her sides and her eyes drifted closed, fell back to the door, and surrendered to his touch. He slid the thin fabric of her top aside with his thumb, until her rose-colored peak was bared to him. He brushed his fingertip over it and lowered his head, to take it into his mouth.

“Fuck”

He fixed her top with caution not to startle her and glared over his shoulder.

“Every time Drew. Every time.”

He shook his head at Drew, who stroked himself through his jeans. “Buzz off, man.” He squared his attention on her, now aware of her current state, and lowered his forehead to hers. “As much as I want to beat him right now for stopping us, again, how ‘bout we go back to our room? The idea of claiming you right here, right now, makes me hard as steel.”

He angled into her midsection, letting her know he spoke nothing but the truth. “I want you alone, first. Not in front of these goons.”

She bit her lip as though she endured the same urgency and temptation to give in to the moment.

“Okay.”

He clasped his hand with hers and yanked, steered her from the room when a cushion hit him in head.

“Go easy on the woman.”

Drew laughed but Cole was confident his best friend would soon find a woman interested in blowing out the spark he and Isabelle lit.

****

He touched her every inch of the way, which made the distance to the elevator a challenge. He stopped every few steps in the hallway and kissed her into complete oblivion. A great video if he could get his hands on the security footage.

He’d asked for their room to be far away from the others, on another floor. No drunken fools were going to find them and ruin what he planned. She broke their connection and pressed the button for the elevator. Cold air filled the small amount space between them. When she stepped in close once again, the lust in her eyes grew wild, sure to reflect his own. She stood on tiptoe and laced her hands around his neck. Not being one to pass up an opportunity, he smoothed his hands down her back, placed them on her ass, and squeezed to lift her. “Let me help you, darlin’.”

With her legs wrapped around his waist, he stared into her eyes, and his shoulders relaxed. They fit, perfectly. The elevator doors opened and he ushered them in, hit the button, and pinned her body to the wall. She grabbed the back of his head and kissed him with a force that drove him mad.

A faint ding sang out when they arrived at their floor, but she didn’t stop, nor did he want her to. He adjusted her skirt to cover her, and resisted, for now, the urge to slide his hands up underneath and feel how wet she was. Thank God, the room wasn’t far.

She startled at the sound of the door behind them, and showcased beautiful, swollen lips. The haze of lust in her eyes captured him. He kissed the tip of her nose and smiled.

“Well, Mr. Davies. You have some talent. Without much of a view, other than me, you managed to get us here rather quickly. The ability to multi-task is one of my favorite qualities in a person.” She wiggled, forcing his hands to loosen so she could right herself on the floor.

He took a step forward. “Oh, honey, you will soon find out just how skilled I am at multi-tasking.”

She retreated at his advance and put her hands up. He stuffed his fisted hands in his front pockets.

“Cole. It’s been a while. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. Can we slow this down?”

That’s fair. He let his shoulders drop and released his fisted hands from the confines of his tight jeans. When he stepped toward her again, she stiffened but didn’t signal him to stop. “We can take this slow, very slow. I want to savor every moment.”

He held out his hand, smiled when she placed hers in it. With a small tug, he guided her into him and wrapped his arms around her. Things were moving fast. He kissed the top of her head and swayed with her in his arms; let her make the next move. Her honesty, strength to share all she had so far, attested to how special she was. He’d treat her that way, even if the vulnerability of it hurt him. Again.

She shoved her hands up between them, gave herself the distance she needed to drop her attention to the floor and close herself off.

“Isabelle? What is it?”

She didn’t budge, just traced the pattern on the carpet with her toe. “Cole. Forget it. I don’t want to spoil things.” She spun on her toes and traipsed about the room as if she pondered a burden that nagged at her.

He let her. It didn’t take a genius to tell something weighed her down.

He lowered his gaze and wandered back to the door to lock it. His hand trembled as he raised it to the deadbolt. With slow, even breaths, he waited until the twitch faded, didn’t want her to misinterpret it as apprehension.

She stared out the window when he returned. He didn’t want any secrets between them. “Izzy? You can tell me anything, I won’t get angry. We barely know each other, and the things you want, well, they will be more enjoyable if you can trust me.”

At the noticeable, safe distance, she faced him and a tear ran down her cheek. “Cole.” She held her hand up to stop him before he could even try this time.

He stood stiff, his toes curled into the floor and he pounded his outer thighs with fisted hands. He’d take a step back from the hurt in her eyes, but moments ago, their combined touch eased all discomfort. They could get that back.

“David, my husband, he was a good man.”

“I gather that. I see it in your eyes when you speak of him.” Lucky bastard. Ugh, he couldn’t be threatened by a man who no longer lived.

“Things were good with him, but I wanted more and even asked for it. What I seem to have with you. He died, maybe feeling like he wasn’t enough for me. He was.”

Her guilt, an unfortunate outcome of being true to herself and not able to predict the future, struck him from where he stood. Relief washed over him when she crossed her arms and let her shoulders drop. A way to let him close again but still not close enough.

He continued forward and sat on the edge of the bed. She inched in front of him but still didn’t give him the clarity he searched for in her red-rimmed eyes.

“I guess what I am saying is, I’m scared of what I’ll be leaving behind. I don’t want these experiences to make me angrier about—”

He put his hands on her waist, urged her closer. “I think you are the strongest person I have ever met in my entire life.” Water pooled in his eyes but he blinked to hold it back. “No man would ever feel inadequate with you, he’d feel lucky. There is something about you that just makes us naturally strive to give you more, without reservation.

“I have no doubt if David were still alive, your friends would tease you without restraint about never spending time with them because you and David would have found something too damn enjoyable to leave home, even for a moment.” He smiled up at her. After tonight, he too, would have a hard time letting go. He brushed his hand along her jaw and wiped the tear from her cheek with his thumb.

She mirrored his smile and let her arms, crossed in front, fall to her sides and relax. “You certainly know how to say the right thing. Thank you.”