radicalducati 2.75
2.75
Lucas’s POV
I nod at the guys standing guards on the town’s official border out of Snow and they let me pass through right away.
I pick up my phone and dial one of the few luxurious hotels in Fairbanks that I used to stay in whenever I went there for some fun time or business.
“Hello, Lucas Snow speaking, I would like to reserve a suite on the last floor please. One bedroom” I said firmly.
Angelina’s head whipped in my direction and I could sense the heavy weight of her glare on me.
“I’m arriving in two hours, so if you could get the suite ready upon my arrival that would be great….thanks” I said with a slight smile I couldn’t resist from tugging on my lips as I hung up the phone.
“If you think I’m staying with you in the same bedroom, you’re fucking delusional” she snapped at me.
“I can’t let you slip past me and run off on your own now, can I? We’re staying together in the same room so I can keep my eyes on you, you can have the couch because I’m definitely calling dibs on the comfy, king sized bed” I said casually.
She muttered something under her breath, too low for me to make out, but I’ll go ahead and assume she was calling me something nasty again.
“Any song requests? Or should I take my pick?” I asked softly as I opened my phone on my favorite music app after connecting it to my sound system.
“I’m not in the mood to listen to music” she says broodily.
“It’s either that or you keep me company by striking a conversation with me otherwise, I’m going to fall asleep in a matter of seconds since I didn’t bat an eye last night trying to get you to forgive me” I said tiredly.
“I didn’t tell you to stay up all night, I made myself pretty clear about the forgiving you part. You should have taken a hint and went to sleep” she said defensively.
“Well, I couldn’t have fallen asleep even if I wanted to, not when I know you’re hurting on the other side of that door” I said seriously.
“If hurting me affects you that much, why didn’t you man up and told me the truth when you saw that hurt many times before last night over the guilt of causing Alex and Jenny’s death?” she said coldly.
She didn’t give me time to respond as she answered her own question with a hint of pain “Because you’re a liar and a hypocrite. And that whole I care about you, I have feelings for you is just a pile of crap. You just like the thrill of the chase and you don’t want to feel like you lost because god forbid Lucas Snows loses at his favorite game without catching the big prize!”
“What game would that be?” I asked tightly, beginning to get angry at her completely wrong assumption of me.
“You know damn well what game I’m talking about. You’re the king of it” she uttered bitterly.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and held myself barely from saying something I’ll regret later.
Instead, I tried to take a few deep breaths before I said in a strained voice “I’m not going to keep defending myself to you over and over. I already admitted to making a mistake that I will be damned if I ever repeat again. But if you keep accusing me of playing with your feelings, of pretending that I like you, of lying about my own feelings for you all just to get laid, have some fun with you, and brag about how I tricked the girl who kept refusing me, you and I are going to have a serious problem. Because I am not that person you’re describing. Chasing after someone who doesn’t want me was never my game. I’m no saint when it comes to sleeping around, but I never went after them, they were the ones offering themselves. Are we clear?”
I stared at her hard, letting her know how much I just meant every single word. And how much her consistent misconception of me and my character hit a very sore nerve that has been getting flayed since last night.
She looked at me steadily, before blinking a few times then turned her face away without saying anything else on the matter. I considered that answer enough and proceeded to pick out a song to change my mood.
I chose something with a hip hop beat to it to drown out the hint of lingering, stinging pain that was eating away at me for being constantly misjudged by her. I mean she had some right to think that since she’s still heartbroken, but dammit why couldn’t she see or feel or even accept the depth of my sincerity already? I don’t know how else I could prove myself to her.
***
Angelina’s POV
We didn’t speak the rest of the way to Fairbanks after he snapped at me about my apparently wrong assumption of his morals and intentions for me.
Instead he blasted some loud music the rest of the way and refrained from speaking to me again. Not that I minded that at all.
The silent treatment gave me some space to have a proper, important conversation with myself.
Ok, so maybe he had some point because I pretty much went too far with the last thing I said. But I was irritated at him for forcing me to accept his company.
The whole point of leaving Snow was to leave him behind and protect my shallow heart from another unexpected blow, but he ruined the whole damn plan now.
I can’t even figure out how the hell I’m going to ditch him and leave on my own.
A part of me was asking, why am I refusing to give him another chance when he obviously meant what he said earlier, about him having real, pure, honest, and deep feelings for me? Isn’t that what almost ruined me? Thinking that I fell for his lies, that I meant nothing to him, when he was actually being sincere?
Doesn’t that elicit a second chance to give to him?
And despite the pain he caused my heart, doesn’t it still yearn for him deep down?
How else can I explain why I was bothered with his indifference this morning when I thought he wasn’t as broken over my departure as I hoped he would be? Putting aside the fact that he was just pretending in order to get me into his car and take me away without raising my suspicion, my heart still wanted him to give a damn about me, to stop me, to reassure me that he will never break my trust nor my heart again.
Ok so now that I am not completely still shattered about the truth he hid from me, that I am certain that he seriously didn’t mean to hurt me, that he was honest and still wants to make amends and go all the way in without any barriers, second guessing, or hesitation from either of us, what should I do?
Go all the way in and hope he doesn’t break my heart again? Or steer clear and cut my losses short?
What do I have to look forward to if I refuse to give in to my temptation and keep fighting my desire for him? Will he even leave me alone then? I doubt it. I’ll just end up torturing myself over fighting with my damn heart that wants to be with him.
It already forgave him, already started to give him another chance, already went back to beating for him.
When exactly did that happen? I have no idea.