radicalducati 2.57
2.57
Lucas’s POV
I was half expecting Angel to join me during my usual midnight smoking time, I’m not going to lie, I was waiting for her to show up, I even smoked more cigarettes than I’m used to as I waited for her, but she didn’t show up.
She was still being stubborn, acting unaffected when I was a hundred percent sure that she is.
She didn’t want to spend more time with me alone in fear of me breaking through her walls and changing her mind.
I stumped my last cigarette for the night begrudgingly as I gathered that she won’t come down to meet me and went back inside.
I was headed into my room when I heard her heart breaking whimpers.
Without wasting anytime, I came inside her room and closed the door behind me as I approached her bed. Like I expected, she was having another nightmare. Her tears were streaming down her closed eyelids, her hands were clutching the sheet very tightly, her body was writhing in pain and shaking in fear as her whimpering got louder.
“Mom!” she said in a weak begging voice.
“Don’t please! Don’t kill her!” she pleaded desperately as she thrashed in bed.
She was breaking my heart into a million pieces. Especially those damn desperate whimpers, they were setting my heart on fire and flaying my soul alive.
I approached her quickly, held her shoulders, and shook her to wake her up and end her suffering.
“Angel wake up!” I begged her in a strained voice.
Her eyes opened and focused on me instantly.
The terror I saw in them, the loss, it fucking gutted me.
“Lucas” she whispered in agony as her sob ripped through her body uncontrollably.
I couldn’t see her like this and stand by without doing a damn thing.
“Come here” I said thickly.
I lifted her to the side of the bed and half laid next to her. Propping my back against the headboard with her damp pillow behind me, I brought her into my chest and hugged her tightly, My arms protectively and soothingly surrounding her shaking body.
“I wish I can take your pain away Angel, I really do. I would do anything not to let you see those nightmares ever again” I whispered in her hair softly.
Her silent tears were starting to soak through my thick shirt as she said shakily “It was Zade this time…… he was….. Holding the gun to… her head… he was l… l..laughing at me. I begged h.. Him… so hard but he just…. Killed her”
I tightened my hold on her as she unraveled in my arms.
I had no clue what to say to her to console her, to ease her pain, to comfort her. What can I possibly say right now to help her get through this?
“I’m so sorry Angel. I’m sorry, please stop crying. You can’t let those nightmares break you like that. You need to face them and be strong. You need to keep holding on to life the way your mother would have wanted. You can’t let them drag you down, you can’t give them power over you. If you keep being scared of them, thinking about them, they will keep appearing to you. But if you decide that you’re not going to let them affect you anymore, they will eventually vanish, they will become powerless as long as you don’t give them power over you” I said quietly.
“I can’t help it. They just keep…getting darker and darker… I don’t know how much longer I can take this” she said in a small voice against my chest.
“They will pass with time, I promise” I said tightly.
“I used to have nightmares too” I admitted vulnerably.
I wanted to distract her from her own pain, but I also wanted to share and confide in her as well.
“About what?” she mumbled.
“When my father died in front of me. I used to dream every night after his death. I would always be paralyzed in my dream, watching that bullet tear through his heart while I couldn’t do a damn thing. I couldn’t even make a sound. I was forced to watch him die over and over again” I said thickly.
She raised her head to look at me. Her eyes were bloodshot red from crying, it made my chest tighten and my heart race to wipe those still falling tears from her face “How did you make them go away?” she asked curiously.
“I stopped giving them power over me. Stopped thinking about them right before I closed my eyes. And whenever they showed up, I would stand still, and stop letting them affect me. I would watch my old man drop dead but I wouldn’t make a sound, I wouldn’t show any sliver of a reaction. I would wake up breathing regularly and will myself to go back to sleep right away like I didn’t see anything with one thought in my mind. If I see that nightmare again, I will not let it kill me, or weaken me, or even shake me, but make me stronger, give me the strength to seek revenge and make those responsible pay for taking him from me” I said gently.
She cast her eyes down for a few seconds before she met my eyes again with a sorrowful look “Don’t you blame me for what happened to him? Isn’t there any part of you that bl….”
“No Angel. I don’t blame you, never did and never will” I said fiercely.
I get where her question came from and I was quick to add more sincerely “I was just being a dick to you, trying to provoke you enough to let you slip up and tell me anything about who you are. I never meant those words Angel. I’m so sorry for all the pain I was responsible for causing you. I will do anything to erase those horrible memories you have of me”
“I forgive you” she said softly.
Her words take me by surprise.
“Just like that? You’re not going to make me work for it?” I asked a little playfully to lift the mood a bit.
It caused a small smile to claim her lips and that was more than enough to cool down my burning heart.
“No, I won’t” she said determinedly.
“You’re too good to me Angel. Too damn good” I whispered seductively.
“I do remember hitting you in the nuts twice. I can’t be that good” she said teasingly.
I chuckled and said huskily “You’re right. You’re just the right amount between good and bad. That’s my favorite combination by the way”
“Well, you need some good in your life to balance out that crazy messed up head of yours” she said delicately.
“That’s why I wanted you to stay so badly. I don’t need just good, I need you in my life Angel. You keep me sane and keep me from spiraling out of control” I said gently.
She scoffed “That’s you not spiraling out of control? I hate to break it to you, but I’m no good for you if that’s your version of staying sane”
“Believe me, I could be a lot worse than this” I said seriously.
She gulped and averted her gaze down.
She didn’t have a response this time.
I let our conversation end at that and a long comfortable silence stretched between us.
I was very content, holding her securely in my arms like this. Smelling her hair which smelled like lavender, and listening to her soft, no longer rapid breathing.
I wanted this moment to last forever. I wanted to have her in my arms like this all the time, not just when she has nightmares.
I wasn’t joking when I said that I need her in my life.
If she ends up leaving, I have no idea how I’m going to function without her, especially now that I’ve experienced what it was like to taste her, and to hold her in my arms.
I was holding on to her and wishing I could never let her go, ever.