On The Border - Marry Him Or Die

37

Jenny’s POV

I have no idea how we ended up willing to share some private stuff about our lives, but we did. I never expected him to have such a gentle and soft side at all. When you look at him from the outside, you can never guess that this cold, cruel man is capable of showing some sort of affection and tenderness towards anyone, let alone me.

His soft warm hands were still wrapped around mine tenderly. The feelings I felt when he touched them for the first time filled me with a feeling I couldn’t put my hands on. It felt good, more than good, it felt like his touch reached deep into my heart and made it flutter. I never experienced such emotion before, and that left me wondering if it was love for him or something else. I never fell in love before, so I don’t know what it actually feels like.

The idea that I was having some feelings that resemble love towards Alex both freaked me out and enticed me at the same time. Falling in love with him has never crossed my mind before. His name was always associated with negative feelings of hatred and terror. But at the same time, I never expected him to be this understanding and tender. The thought that he was actually hurt by me made me feel so guilty for doing that to him. It made me realize that there was no bone left in me that wanted to get back at him for what he put me through the first few days of our marriage.

But is he feeling the same thing I was feeling? Or was this gentle caring attitude purely out of guilt? Did he even see me as a woman or as a kid? He did suggest to kiss me on the mouth this morning. There is no way he would say that if it never crossed his mind before, right?

“Having trouble coming up with a question? Or is it that you have so many you don’t know which one to ask first?” he asked teasingly.

He pulls me out of my embarrassing thoughts and I find myself raking my brain quickly for something to ask before he figures out that I was sitting here daydreaming about him and probably imagining things in my own fantasy world.

I try to stall as I say to him shyly “I don’t want to overstep my boundaries and ask something that might upset you or something”

He smiles a little as he says confidently “Nothing you say can ever upset me. You can ask me whatever you want”

“What is it like being the leader of the clan now? Was it something you always wanted or was it forced on you?” I asked quietly.

It wasn’t something I was really interested to hear about, but it was the first thing that popped into my head at that moment.

He heaves a heavy sigh and I felt like I shouldn’t have asked him about this.

“It’s a huge responsibility Jenny. I wasn’t prepared to take it right now at all. I mean my dad and I were working hand in hand for the past few years. He taught me everything he knew. But to be the one left in charge, left of making the final decision that might make or break this town is so tough and worrisome. I have no idea how he was able to manage it for so many years. I guess it gets easier with time. But right now, it feels like every decision I make is filled with doubts and uncertainty. Especially with a determined drug lord who will stop at nothing to force us into smuggling his drugs through our borders. We’ve had many enemies over the years, but they are nothing compared to how powerful that man is. The only way to keep the town safe is to get to him before he gets to us, but the problem is my uncle is not able to infiltrate his circle of trustees to get him. And since they both reside in Canada, my hands are pretty tied. I can’t help him from my place here and I can’t really leave the town right now as I’m afraid he might take advantage of that and make a move on us”

Yeah, I was positive now that I shouldn’t have asked him that question. His answer made me shudder and caused my heart to double its beating rhythm.

He sensed the change in my demeanor and instantly squeezed my hands tighter in his.

“Hey, you have nothing to worry about. I will do everything I can to keep this town and its people safe from him and anyone like him. Trust me on this” he said determinedly.

I felt relieved and anxious at the same time. His presence and touch increased the feeling of safety within me but I felt a tiny part of me scared for him. Scared that he might end up meeting his father’s end at the hands of the drug lord.

I was sure he has no idea who the traitor was. That’s the main reason that had him awake through the night. What if the traitor double crossed him and decided to get rid of him?

“Do you have any idea who the traitor is?” I asked in a shaky voice.

“No, but I will find him eventually. He has to make a mistake at some point and reveal himself” he said determinedly.

He wiped the worry from his face and a slight smile spread on his lips. I had a feeling that he was trying to put on a brave face for my sake. He wanted to distract me from his own source of distress.

“What else do you want to ask about?” he asked curiously.

The mention of his smuggling business brought an important question I was very curious to hear his answer to.

“It’s something I always wondered about even way before we got married. Why do you still run the smuggling business Alex? Why not put an end to it and end any threat that comes from that source of illegal dangerous operation? You have so many legal businesses both inside and outside the town. You obviously do not need the money it brings. Why are you putting yourself and other people in danger?”

He smiled a little and said softly “You know, it was one of the first questions I asked my dad about when I first started getting involved in the family business. You have no idea how many people benefit from this operation. Our products go around the entire country, many businesses are dependent on them. Because we provide them at a much lower rate than the legal ones in the U.S. if we stop supplying to them, most of them if not all, will go bankrupt after a very short period. They will not be able to afford buying the products they used to buy from us from other sources because the difference in prices is very significant. Keeping the operation going keeps them alive and brings food into their tables. It’s not about the money it brings anymore, it’s about giving a chance to other people to be able to stand on their own two feet without the need to drown themselves in unpayable mountains of debts and loans”

“Why is it up to you to keep them living Alex? Is it worth the risk of death? The risk of getting caught someday by the police? Or the risk of getting involved with a powerful drug lord that will stop at nothing to get what he wants? If you had shut that business a long time ago, maybe your father would still be alive right now. By helping these other people live, you’re risking your own lives in the process. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think it’s worth the risk” I said emotionally.

“You may be right. But from where I see it, this would have happened whether our borders were closed shut or not. Whoever wants to control the town for its unique location will not care if we’re still using it or not. The danger will always remain the same as long as we are still living in this town” he said logically.

I nod my head in agreement. He was right. The problem wasn’t in their business, it was in the town itself. It wasn’t a town, it was a deathtrap. I’ve always seen it like that, that’s why I hated it so much. It was a danger magnet, which reminded me of when I referred to Alex by that title.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.

“How much I actually hate the town” I said in fierce honesty.

I caught his slight wince at my words and it did not surprise me in the slightest. He was the exact opposite of me. He had an indefinite love and loyalty for this place.

“I know my words are harsh for you to hear. But it’s true Alex. It’s not you who’s a danger magnet like I originally thought earlier, it’s the town itself. It’s location. There should have never been a town here in the first place. No one should have allowed your ancestors to build it. If the authorities did their jobs and prevented them from starting this, none of this would have happened to either of us” I said bitterly.

“If you didn’t live in this town, if you were born somewhere else, do you think your childhood would have been any different? Your father wouldn’t be abusive to you and your mother? Do you really believe that?” he asked quietly.

It took me sometime to answer. I understood his question, or intention. He was right.

“No, it wouldn’t have changed his personality. Come to think of it, he might have still been alive and still tormenting us if we were living somewhere else” I said solemnly.

“Look I’m not trying to force my own beliefs on you. Each of us is entitled to his own opinion. I don’t see the town as a danger magnet. I see this town as my home. It might have something to do with the way we were raised so differently. But the town is not responsible for your father’s and uncle’s personalities. That’s all I’m saying. However, I’d be a hypocrite to deny that its location doesn’t bring a certain danger and attract a number of enemies. But that is the way it has always been and we always managed to stand strong and face whatever and whoever stands in our way, we always will” he said fiercely.

Yeah but at what cost? I wanted to ask. I was scared for him. Scared for him losing his life over protecting this town like his father did. But I was too shy to admit it to his face. How fast did I get attached to him all of a sudden? I was wishing for his death for a few days now. In fact his death is my only way out of this town, but sitting right now looking into his intense grey eyes, feeling the warmth and safety of his touch, savoring his nice attractive smile, I find myself no longer eager to get out of here like I was before.