radicalducati 36
36
Alex’s POV
“You’re very welcome” she replied back lightly as she turned her gaze back to the view.
I had a lot of questions I wanted to ask her. I still pretty much know nothing about her, only the bad stuff. I have no idea what she likes, what she wants, what she desires.
I found myself very interested and curious to know everything there is to know about jenny Walker, or Jenny Snow.
Yeah, that feels more right.
I wanted to ask her some questions that might bring up the bad stuff, but I really wanted to understand how she thinks, how her mind works, because so far, everything she has revealed to me made me admire her completely different, unique personality. She is not the typical ordinary eighteen year old girl I expected her to be when I first laid eyes on her. I saw her as a kid, but her dark past made me realize that she totally missed out on a happy safe childhood. She was never allowed to be a carefree kid. She grew up way before her time. She stood up to her father to keep her mom from suffering alone at a very young age. And even before that, what she saw and heard inside that house was enough to ruin anyone.
“I want to ask you somethings Jenny, and it is totally okay if you feel uncomfortable to share them with me. I can understand that you are used to keeping everything within you and not let anyone in. But I would like for you to try and share those burdens with me, maybe in someway that will allow you to let go of the past and get over what you have been through your whole life” I said gently as I looked at her.
She seemed to consider what I said to her thoroughly as she continued to look at the town’s lights.
She finally looked at me and I saw a hint of vulnerability in her eyes. She was really struggling to let me in “Ok, I will try to answer but no promises”
“I’ll take it” I said right away grateful for the chance she is giving me.
“Ask away” she said curiously.
“I noticed in the first few days that you always cringe a little whenever I call your name, your full name. Why do you hate it so much?” I asked softly and prayed that she doesn’t change her mind about opening her heart to let me in.
It took her a while to answer, and I gave her all the time she needed. Her eyes were cast down, trying to hide them from me as she considered whether to answer or not. I wanted nothing more than to gaze at them without stopping.
She finally looks up into my eyes and says in a small voice “I hate the name because, my father always used to say it to me filled with anger, disgust, and revulsion. It automatically became… a harsh way of reminding me of… the hurt and pain he always directed at me after calling my name. When people call me Jennifer, I feel like they too hate me and want to hurt me. I hate it because it always became associated with a sick memory of him shouting at me, or.. Punishing me for something I didn’t deserve to be punished for”
She was rubbing her hands together nervously.
It wasn’t easy for her at all to say those things.
A huge lump formed inside my throat and I was both glad and sad for asking her about it.
I didn’t know how I can wipe away all that anguish I saw in her face when she answered me. I wanted to hug her closer to me, try to wipe it away with my touch, but I didn’t want to scare her at the same time.
I took my hands out of my pockets and instinctively stopped her hands from rubbing each other as I held on to them and squeezed them lightly.
Her hands were ice cold.
She looked up at me in surprise and her breathing accelerated in response to my touch.
“He’s gone. He can’t hurt you anymore, no one can. Your name is beautiful Jenny, don’t let him ruin that, don’t give him that power over you. You are strong, there is no doubt about it in my mind. You can get over it and learn to love your name, learn to push those memories linked to it and replace them with happy ones that you can start to make with me… I mean with all of us, your family. You can do it” I said sincerely.
Her eyes water in response, and for the life of me, she squeezes her hands and holds mine tighter, causing my heart to double its speed.
“Thank you Alex. For truly believing in me so much and standing by my side” she said shyly as some color spread on her cheeks.
Those cheeks looked adorable with the red spots on them that I caused to appear. The mere thought that I could do that to her with just my words, made my insides churn with a feeling of bliss.
“I will always be here, I will always be your guiding light, if you let me” I said so quietly.
“I… really want that, I need that more than I can ever admit. Especially after mom left” she said sadly.
“I will be whatever you want me to be, Jenny. What ever you need me to be, I will”
She gazes at me for the longest time, and just that admiring look is enough to make my heart scream with happiness.
What she was doing to me, to my body, to my mind, although unintentional and full of innocence from her part, made me certain that I was growing some feelings for her. I was getting attached, and I relished in that feeling. I wanted it, needed it, and I will fight with all my might to keep it and make her feel it too.
She was full of innocence and I didn’t want to overwhelm her and admit my emotions right now.
She is very delicate and burdened right now.
She needs to let go of her past, accept me and my family in her life, and then she will be able to return my feelings without me pressuring her or pushing her into anything she doesn’t want or feel.
“What else do you want to ask about?” she asked after a long stretch of silence between us.
“Did you think I would try to stop your mom from escaping the town? Is that why you stood your ground and refused to tell me about it that night?” I asked firmly.
She answered right away “Yes. She was the only thing keeping me scared of you, and obedient. With her gone, I didn’t care about anything anymore. I already would have chosen death if it wasn’t for her. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I wanted her to go so I could rebel on you, tell you that it will take a lot more to really and truly break me and cause me to follow your orders. She was the only reason I tried so hard to keep from talking back to you, although sometimes I couldn’t hold myself, but you should know that I was really trying to control my mouth in front of you”
Although her tone was light and soft. I knew she was faking it a little. There was some bitterness in her tone. My breaking of her will hurt her a lot more than she was letting on. Probably because she was trying to show me that she no longer held my behavior towards her against me. That she was trying to let go of the past.
“Well, I would have helped her escape if you confided in me that night and told me everything. Just thought you should know that” I said softly.
“I do now” she said confidently.
“Ok, it’s your turn now. Something you want to ask me about?” I said lightly, trying to give her a break from the bad memories.
“Many things” she said with a small smile, exposing her heart warming dimples.
“Ask away” I said as I returned both her smile, and her words to me.