On The Border - Marry Him Or Die

35

Alex’s POV

I glance at Jenny’s sleeping face. Despite the darkness, I could still make out her soft delicate features.

She has been asleep for two hours while I was battling my own demons.

Sleep was no where in sight. My mind was racing at a rapid speed trying to make sense of everything happening in my life.

The bomb she dropped on me before she went to sleep, rattled me to my core.

Someone else was betraying us. I had no doubt. She was very sure about what she heard. And I didn’t question or suspect her honesty at all. She was speaking the truth.

Who would dare to cross us like that? One of us was making deals with that son of a bitch behind our backs. A Snow was betraying our family name.

What a completely disastrous turn of events!

Can’t we even trust our own people? Can’t we depend on each other to keep this town safe from drugs?

The bigger question and my main worry was, I had absolutely no idea who that person is. It could be anyone.

Where do I even begin to unravel the truth?

Who can I even trust to help me?

We were a large clan, more than two hundred of us. It could be even more than one person working together. How will I find them on my own?

My head was pounding from the obsessive over thinking and dread.

A hard painful moan escaped from Jenny’s lips and my heart dropped with fear.

I turned my lamp light on and whirled towards her.

She was blinking her tearful eyes open with a look of anguish on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked warily.

A soft groan came out as she struggled to get a hold on her pain.

“My cut… hurts” she whispered in agony.

My own chest felt her pain.

“Do you want to take the pain killer the doctor prescribed for you?” I asked.

She looked at her watch and shook her head.

“I took two pills four hours ago, it’s very strong, I can’t take another one now, it’s affecting my diabetes already” she said in a flustered tone.

A tear slipped down the side of her face and she quickly wiped it away.

She looked at me apologetically “I’m sorry if I woke you up, go back to sleep, I will distract myself with my phone until it goes away”

She adjusted her back against the headboard and grabbed her phone from her night stand.

I adjusted myself too and said gently “I wasn’t asleep, you didn’t wake me”

She looked at me in surprise.

“You were awake this whole time? It’s two in the morning” she said a little anxiously.

Her reaction amazed me. She was stressed about me staying awake next to her all this time.

How will she react if I told her that I was sneaking looks at her every now and then this whole time? She will totally freak out.

“I couldn’t sleep” I said simply.

She looked at me warily then tried to distract her self with her phone.

I let her do what she wanted for about ten minutes but I could feel her struggling so hard to keep a straight face next to me. She was really suffering and I was suffering for her as well. It didn’t sit well with me. Her distraction was obviously not working.

She has been locked in this room for so long. She hasn’t left the house to go anywhere but her mother’s house. And even that trip was short and full of nerve wrecking emotions.

She needs some fresh air away from here.

But I had a feeling she won’t be so eager to go somewhere alone with me at this hour. She was still afraid of me. Still suspicious and unsure about me.

I tried my luck as I said lightly “I’m getting restless in this room and sleep is not really coming to me. I’m going out to distract myself, would you like to come?”

She looked at me with utter astonishment. My lips automatically perked up in a smile.

I couldn’t get enough of those cute innocent reactions from her.

“Wh…why?” she asked in uncertainty.

“Why what?” I asked in an amused tone.

“Why are you....I mean, why do you want me to come… with you?” she stuttered nervously.

I had to stifle my chuckle so I don’t embarrass the heck out of her any further.

“We both need a distraction, it would be very uncaring and selfish of me to leave you while you’re in pain, and seek my own comfort” I answered simply.

It seemed to surprise her that I was very considerate of her pain.

“Umm you want to go out, as in sit in the front yard?”

“No, there is this place I usually go to whenever I’m stressed out. It helps me relax and clears my head, it’s very calming, I’m going there. What to do you say?”

Her eyes sparkled at the realization that I was taking her out of the house. I could see her longing for it. It brought a wave of guilt inside me. She was trapped here and probably bored out of her mind but she didn’t have the nerve to ask me to take her out. Something told me she would never ask for it for fear of me turning her down.

We have a very hard long way to adjust to each other. I was actually getting there, but the problem was in her. She still doesn’t trust me nor like me enough to let herself believe that I will try my hardest to keep her happy here. That I won’t return to being cold and harsh to her.

I will make her believe though. I will try harder to get her used to me and my true personality.

I don’t give her any chance to overthink my offer and decline it.

I get up and tell her gently “Wear a winter jacket and wrap a scarf around you, it’s freezing outside”

I take my clothes from the closet and tell her on my way out “I will be waiting for you in the car”

Ten minutes later, I was starting the engine as she climbed in the passenger seat next to me all dressed up and ready.

She was wearing a lovely long, wool red coat and a striped black and white scarf around her neck. I was more mesmerized by the white wool beanie on her head. It complemented her face really well and gave her a feminine beauty along with her black framed glasses.

I had to force my eyes on the road to keep from gazing at her and freaking her out. But damn she looked beautiful and I couldn’t help but wonder why I was noticing her so much now. Even my dick twitched in response.

She’s off limits Alex. She still hates your guts. Keep your dick in its place and don’t think about it.

We drove in silence. The road was completely dark as I drifted off the main road and started climbing up the mountain’s rough terrain.

I knew the place like the back of my hand.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jenny clutching the handle at the roof of the car tightly as we were bouncing pretty rapidly with the steep rough terrain.

I stopped the car at the edge of one of the highest mountains in Snow. The view showed a very breath taking scenery of our town along with the three other nearby towns.

The yellow lights coming from them had an immediate calming effect on me.

I turned my face towards Jenny and saw her admiring the view.

“It’s a very nice view” she said breathlessly.

“That’s my favorite place. Do you want to sit on the rocks near the edge or are you afraid of heights?” I asked gently.

“I’m not afraid” she said simply.

I got the sense that her answer wasn’t specific to that question, but addressed towards me as well.

I felt a little bit of relief and comfort to hearing those words from her.

I put my hands inside my jacket pockets to keep them warm as we sat next to each other on a wide rock near the edge. Our legs were almost touching.

I was kind of soothed by her closeness to me. It felt right.

We stayed quiet for a long time. Each of us drowning in our own world for a while.

I felt her sneaking looks at me every now and then. I let her gaze at me, waiting for her to ask whatever question was on her mind.

“Was it what I said to you? That kept you awake all this time?” she asked warily.

“Which part? Where you said you hated me from the bottom of your heart and nothing I do will ever change that? Or where you told me that my dad’s true killer is still alive and breathing as he plans our impending destruction with a powerful drug lord?” I said dryly

She flinched a little and I instantly regretted both my tone and my words.

“I meant about your dad’s murder. I didn’t think it would affect you that much. The hating you part I mean” she said in a small voice.

“It did actually” I admitted to her even though it took a lot of boldness and vulnerability to admit how much she hurt me out loud.

“Why? Why do you care what I think of you? I’m just a responsibility to you Alex, an insurance. Just something you need to keep the peace going. Why do you care what I say to you?” she asked fiercely.

I looked at her sharply “I don’t see you that way Jenny. You’re not a thing to me. Maybe my behavior at first made you think that way, but I never looked at you as just an insurance to keep the town safe. I am not heartless you know? I can feel pain, mine and others. I know how deeply I have hurt you and I’m trying to make up for it in anyway I can. But to hear that nothing I do will ever change the way you look at me, that’s what hurt the most”

She pursed her lips as her eyes filled with tears.

Why was she crying now?

“I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for thinking that you can never understand my pain or even acknowledge it. It’s my fault. I always assume the worst in people before I even get to know them. It’s all because of the way I grew up. I learned never to trust a man again. All the men around me were emotionless beasts. My father, uncle, even my cousin” she said emotionally as her tears descended down her face.

I so wanted to wipe her tears away but I held myself. I didn’t want to touch her against her will.

“Will you ever learn to trust me, Jenny?“ I asked her tenderly.

I wanted her to, I really wanted her trust and forgiveness. I wanted her hate and fear of me to cease and I wanted her to have someone; a man, she can finally depend on and seek warmth from the way she was never shown before. The way she deserved to.

“I want to say yes, but that would be lying to both of us” she said uncertainly.

My hopes come crashing down instantly, and despair descends on me like a forty pounds of weight settled inside me.

“But I will say that I will try and work on it, on trusting you… and letting go of my hate. Time will tell. I’ll even throw one gift to you. As a step towards that goal”

The weight disappears just as fast as it landed inside me and hope flares and ignites again.

“What is it?” my lips immediately turn into a smile.

She smiles in response to my eagerness and says “I will allow you to call me Jenny from now on, not that you actually stopped, but now you have my permission to use it”

My smile deepens and I say appreciatively “Thank you, it means a lot”

And it really did, because I can still remember what she said to me the first time I started using her nickname.

‘Only the people I love are allowed to call me that and you will never ever get into that category Alex Snow’

I was beyond thrilled to get into that category now, I felt like I just got the best gift I have ever received in my life.

I don’t know where that feeling came from and I didn’t want to find out. All I know is, she was making me feel something I thought I will never feel again after Mel left me and broke my heart. Something I thought I will never miss again.

But I was wrong. It was a great feeling that I didn’t want to bury within me anymore.