On The Border - Marry Him Or Die

23

Jenny’s POV

The second Sara opens the front door for me, I sprint for my room while keeping my face hidden with my hair.

I head straight for the bathroom, strip off my clothes, and go into the shower.

I sit down and cry my eyes out.

For a long time.

I knew saying goodbye to my mom was going to be so hard, but I didn’t realize it will be so damn unbearable, painful, and heart breaking.

I will take the physical pain anytime compared to this emotional torment and torture.

It hurt me more than anything I have ever experienced in my entire life; and I experienced a lot.

Going toe to toe with hurt, there was indignation.

I was fueled with anger over this unfairness.

I was supposed to go with her.

I wasn’t supposed to say goodbye to her forever and come here to this prison.

We were supposed to be free together.

But instead, I was still stuck here in this fucking curse of a town. Only now, my jailer was Alex Snow instead of my father.

He will keep me in his captivity until the day I die, he will continue to torment me along with his brother until I no longer have anymore soul in me to fight back and claim my freedom.

I

Was

Stuck

HERE.

It was like getting framed for murder, and ending up in jail until you receive your sentence. You sit there in that cold torturous prison cell and keep hoping for the truth to come out to exonerate you, you dream day in and day out of the day you will get your freedom; because you have nothing better to do but dream in order to keep your sanity in there, you were innocent after all, surely the judge will pardon you and give you a clean slate once he realizes your innocence.

And after the days feel like years in there, after so much waiting, praying, and hoping, instead of claiming your freedom, you receive the death sentence.

They find you guilty of something you didn’t do.

They take you into a room, put a gun to your head; or in this case a kitchen knife to your throat, and end your life… just like that.

Just like that, all your dreams, hopes, and desires, turn into a useless puff of smoke.

They don’t matter anymore, nothing matters anymore after that.

And just like that, you die… despite still breathing. A breathing living body, with no soul inside.

That’s me, and that was my life…. In a nutshell.

Right in this moment, I am nothing but wrath. A wrath that if measured up, could turn this entire town into a pile of ash. A wrath that was tearing me inside, breaking everything in there, and has no way out of my body, no exit…just like me.

I cry in there until there is nothing left of me, until I am no longer feeling like myself.

I emerge out of that shower with everything I was feeling out of my system.

It was rather reviving.

I felt so much lighter now, getting out those heavy emotions through crying made me feel like a weight has lifted off my chest.

I should do this more often, that felt good.

That felt…

“Shit”

I curse myself as I take a look at my face in the mirror.

My eyes were a complete mess. Red, puffy, and swollen.

I had nervous breakdown written all over my face. Too obvious to conceal from anyone.

I sigh loudly in annoyance.

I’m not a freaking soulless robot like some people, after all.

I couldn’t get a hold of my emotions like I promised myself I would.

It doesn’t matter. Even if they all notice, they won’t connect it to the real reason.

I’ll just have to come up with something else to justify it.

I scoff to myself. where the hell can I start? My whole life was a pile of reasons to feel this way.

Besides, no one cares about me here enough to investigate this further.

My eyes gaze at my wound. It was a disaster in the making. Red, a little swollen, and stinging viciously. Like someone was tugging at it continuously.

At this point, I don’t know what else to do with it other than continue to sanitize it and keep it covered so it doesn’t get any worse.

I couldn’t show it to my mom earlier. I was afraid she might drag me down to the hospital to get it checked. I didn’t want her to be distracted and worried about me, or go all martyr on me and decide to stay here just to be near me. I want her to get the freedom she was long overdue for.

I practically had to get down on my knees and beg her immensely to let me go and agree to travel with Megan tonight.

Our whole plan was set.

My mom is finally on board.

I had to lie to her though, along with Megan.

I had to tell her that I will find a way to get myself out of town and runaway to Canada to be with her. That I just needed to know that she was safe first before I do anything else.

It was a total fucking lie.

There is no way I could run away from here. But I had to give her false hope in order to make her agree to this.

After Megan left us, I spent the remaining time resting my head on her lap, savoring her smell, her warm tender touch on my hair and face, memorizing her features and engraving it into my memory.

That last goodbye as we hugged each other before I left the house was the hardest moment of my life.

I had to fight the urge to beg her not to leave me all alone here, to stay with me because she was my only person in this whole world, the only person who loves me and knows me from the inside out, the only person I trust and love.

I felt her body shake with stifled sobs and heartbreak because I was feeling the exact same thing.

When I let go of her then, I turned around, opened the front door, and walked away without looking back.

It was the only way to stop myself from telling her to stay with me.

I clutch the necklace she fastened around my neck before I left.

It was my gift to her on our last mother’s day together. A white crystal heart intertwined with a rose gold infinity symbol.

I wanted her to keep it with her to remember me with, but she insisted that I needed it more than her.

‘It is the only way I can truly be with you Jenny, even if I was a thousand miles away’ she had said tearfully.

My tears began to fall down without realizing.

I wipe them away and get out of the bathroom after getting dressed in a casual black cotton tights and a long sleeve light blue sweater.

As I was about to grab my phone to sit on my usual spot on the window ledge and distract myself with my tv show, my watch let out an alarm.

I was hypoglycemic, and I wasn’t even aware of it in the midst of my emotional depression.

I shut off the alarm and head out into the kitchen, forcefully.

I have to stock up on jelly beans as they are the thing I always use for this, but I doubt they would have any. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask anyone in this house to buy them for me.

Thank god my source of insulin arrives weekly from the town pharmacy without ordering. Since I have been diabetic for three years now, the pharmacy sends it periodically to my house. Since the whole town knows I got married to Alex Snow, they probably won’t have a problem finding my new home address.

I head into the kitchen straight from the other entrance.

I only know my way to the living room, dining room, and kitchen. The other parts of the house are still unknown to me and I neither have the curiosity nor the permission to wander around.

The kitchen had two entrances, one from the dining room, and one from the long corridor on the right side of the front door that lets you enter directly to it. It also has a back door to the front yard.

I go into the kitchen and thankfully see Sara preparing for lunch. I felt embarrassed to rummage through the refrigerator.

She was standing in front of the center counter chopping some red peppers.

“Hello Jennifer, do you need something dear?” she asks gently.

Her eyes appraise my face but she doesn’t comment on it.

“Uh… I want something sweet please. Like a dessert or something” I said shyly.

She hesitates a little as she says “Oh.. Umm.. I’m sorry we always make sure there is some sort of dessert to snack on, but we stopped making any since… Mr. Snow died”

Shit, I didn’t pay attention to that detail before I opened my dumb mouth.

My eyes focused on the fruit bowl behind her and I said tightly “I’m sorry, never mind, I’ll just take a banana and leave then”

I went over there and picked up one of the small bananas.

As I was about to head out from where I came from, I heard Alex’s mom say from the dining room “Jennifer?”

I turned my head abruptly towards the sound, and noticed her sitting at her usual chair on the table with a cup of coffee in front of her.

Great, I’m pretty sure she just heard me inconsiderately asking for dessert.

I mumbled from where I was standing “Mrs. Snow, I’m sorry I didn’t see you”

She smiles at me and says “Diana please. Do you mind sitting with me? I want to have a little talk with you, if you want to of course”

It was the last thing I wanted actually.

“Sure” I said with a tight smile as I headed over to her and sat on April’s usual chair, on Diana’s right side.

I put down my untouched banana on the table and waited for her to chastise me for being disrespectful enough to forget that they were still grieving over the loss of their loved one.

My eyes were focused on the nice decorative cup of coffee as I waited for her to speak.

“Are you okay Jennifer? Your eyes are so red dear” she said sadly.

Ok… not the first thing I was expecting to hear from her at all.

I mask my surprise at the hint of concern in her voice as I answer her politely “Yes I’m ok Mrs… um I mean Diana. I was taking a shower… and the shampoo got into my eyes and just refused to stop stinging them. That’s why they are so red. It will go away in a while I’m sure” Ok I’m rambling, stop talking Jenny. Just keep it short.

She nods her head a little as she keeps looking at my face.

I decide to get it over with and apologize so I don’t have to sit here any longer.

“I apologize for being inconsiderate earlier when I asked about dessert, I didn’t mean to be disrespectful” I said sincerely.

“Please. You have nothing to apologize for. There was nothing disrespectful about your question. Dessert was Isaac’s favorite thing, we never missed a day without making something sweet to snack on between lunch and dinner, it became like a tradition in our family as we all sit together and enjoy it. But when he… died, it was an aching reminder of his absence. That’s why we haven’t made any since”

I don’t know why, even though I didn’t know the man; and kind of hated him for his last name and considered him the indirect reason for getting me stuck in this town my whole life, but I felt my chest tighten with a little bit of pain. Not for him maybe, but for the way she clearly was still hurting over his loss.

I find myself saying involuntarily “It may not be believable coming from me, but I’m really sorry for your loss”

“I believe you are Jennifer. It may not be believable to you, but I don’t hate you for who you are or who your father was. Lucas and Alex may have acted like it, but I truly have no intention to hate you or be an evil mother in law to you”

Acted like it? More like conveyed it… multiple times.

I didn’t know whether to believe her honesty or not.

I also didn’t know what to say to her, so I just remained quiet.

My alarm goes off then and I quickly silence it.

I adjust my glasses over my nose nervously and stare at the banana as I think to myself.

How long is this conversation going to last exactly? I really need to eat that banana now.

She notices my nervousness and says lightly “You can eat the banana as we talk, it’s okay”

I thank her and start peeling the banana.

She lets me eat it in peace without saying anything as she continues to sip her coffee.

“How was your visit today? Is your mom okay?“

I gaze at her as I try to decipher her expression. It was soft. I wanted to see if there was something else behind it like hidden contempt or something but it wasn’t there.

“It was okay” I answered.

Yes, keep it short, good.

My damn alarm goes off again.

I check it and my stubborn hypoglycemia was still there.

Well, it was a small banana to be honest.

I look up at her and see her watching me closely.

“I’m sorry can I take another banana and come back?” I asked shyly.

“Sure thing, take whatever you want”

After I grab one and sit again, she almost makes me choke on it by asking sadly “How long have you been a diabetic?”

I cough a little as I look up at her with surprise.

“How did you know?” I manage to ask her eventually as I clear my throat.

She smiles at my surprised face.

“I was a nurse for fifteen years before I retired. I know the signs of hypoglycemia when I see it. That’s why you were asking for something sweet” she confirms.

“Oh, I didn’t know that… it’s been three years. After I turned fifteen”

A grave look covers her features “Oh dear, you are too young to deal with such a burden, what type do you have… if I may ask?”

She was really emotional about this, much to my surprise.

“Type 1. I have to inject myself with insulin before every meal, as well as before sleeping. And I need to watch what I eat very carefully to keep it under control”

She looks at me for a while without saying anything, and it was getting rather awkward. But then, out of the blue, she holds my hands in hers and says almost in anguish “I’m really sorry that my children are being so hard on you. All that stress they are putting you through is affecting your condition. I will not let anyone bother you in this house Jennifer. I give you my word and I know you may not trust me right now and think that I am just pretending to be nice but with time, you will see and feel that trust from me, I promise you”

Her words bring a lump to my throat. Her motherly touch was so sincere that I found myself believing her, against my better judgment.

She carries on “I don’t want you to feel like an outsider here, you don’t have to lock yourself in your room all day and avoid us. You are one of us now, we can be your family too. If you want”

I answer her honestly “You really may not hate me Diana, but the others in this house do. Lucas made it pretty clear, and so did Alex. Love and hate are feelings that cannot be forced, only felt. And they feel hate whenever they look at me. So I’d rather stay in my room at least while they’re here because if I were them, I wouldn’t want someone I hate to sit in front of me all day, I wouldn’t be able to withstand it. Believe me, I know that feeling very well. You don’t have to stand up for me please, you may have a motherly authority on them to force them into being nice but that will be an act. It won’t be real and if it wasn’t real then I don’t want it at all”

She squeezes my hands lightly and says “Then maybe we should just leave it to time? Let them find out who you really are as you spend more days with us. I’m sure that once they get to know you, their feelings towards you will change”

I highly doubted it, but I didn’t want to shoot her down, not when her face was so hopeful that her children are the good people she thinks they are.

“Ok, let time decide then” I managed to say lightly with a small smile.

She smiled deeply at me.

If she was hiding behind a deceitful mask, it was one hell of a mask as I found a part of me actually believing her kindness.