radicalducati Chapter 25
Chapter 25
Bites And Burns
She stood in the small, quaint bathroom.
One month.
Four weeks of absolutely nothing. No Tom, no news, nothing. She’d expected no less but it still killed her to think about.
The mornings were the hardest. Waking up and coming to terms with the life she was living was the worst. Staying with him, living with him, being his wife. She told herself she was doing it for her baby, the only thing she had left in a dying situation.
She put her hands to her large stomach and looked herself over in the mirror again. She moved to the side, still examining her very pregnant stomach. She could be due any day but because she’d never had an actual date at the beginning of the pregnancy—it was just a guess on when the baby might come. She tried to suck the large belly in but it was huge and there was no way to make it smaller. Her plump feet were swollen and her back sorer by the second. There was nothing fun about being that ripe, miserable and trapped.
She flipped on the tap and washed her face. It didn’t make her feel better or lessen the tiredness she was feeling, which had been her initial hope. Sleeping wasn’t an easy thing anymore either, which made her overall appearance sickly and paler than normal.
She shut off the faucet with a shaky hand and walked out into what was supposed to be their bedroom, in the beautiful and expensive house James had bought for them. They hadn’t shared the room once.
She went to her dresser and started to rummage for clothing that may fit her but a light knock on the door interrupted.
“Can I talk to you?”
She stayed quiet. His voice was hard to listen to. She liked it better when the house was silent and he was at practice.
“Kara?”
“Leave me alone.”
“The investigator is coming over. He wants to talk to us. Come downstairs.” The door shut and so did her eyes. She didn’t know what that meant, she didn’t care but a split second of hope drove her forward and made her join him downstairs. Something she rarely did.
She walked into the kitchen as James stood over the counters reading a piece of mail with a steaming cup of something in a recyclable tumbler next to him. There was a paper bag next to it and she walked over to look inside to the muffins. She helped herself. She hadn’t eaten since that morning and now it waned close to five o’clock in the evening.
James glanced at her. “He’ll be here soon.”
“It’s just another update on how he’s found nothing.”
“No, he said he needs to talk to us about something. Don’t worry, I wasn’t in the mood to hear the same regurgitated update either.”
“So, what’s that mean?” She peeled back the paper of the muffin and took a bite.
James watched her once he folded up the mail and stacked it back together. “I’m not sure.”
“How was practice?”
“Fine.” He stared at her a bit longer than necessary.
“Any girls want your autograph this time?”
He sighed. “No.”
Kara looked away and took another bite of the food as the gate alarm buzzed from the front door, down the hall and into their ears.
James walked for it and Kara let him, sitting at the kitchen table with a thump, she rubbed her side as the faint cramp grew.
She heard their voices outside and then they were walking down the hall together toward where she sat in the kitchen.
James was first to walk in and then Edward. Having gotten used to the burly investigator and his warm smile as of late, he often was able to brighten her mood just a bit with his presence.
“Evening, Kara.”
She gave him a nod.
“How’s the baby?”
“Good the doctor says.” She’d been to her new doctor, the one that had been treating the bite on her the week before—who also seemed very knowledgeable in all things baby and above-human in their world. Kara had found a bit of comfort with that doctor and she was even looking forward to the appointment the next day.
Edward shook off his light coat. “Glad to hear it.”
She finished only half her muffin before feeling too full, it was a side effect of being so pregnant.
James grabbed his coffee-shop drink and leaned against the counters as Edward sat across from her.
Their eyes met and he winced. “Since we’ve come up now on several dead ends in regards to Tom, I did a bit of digging on Bonds and what all that means. Turns out even a forced Bond, not one of a True Bond state is still a pretty strong physical tie, especially for the male involved. What I’m getting at is…” He looked between them. “Any sort of intimacy should make him… well, hurt and excuse me for maybe overstepping here but I’d like to know if you have been intimate. Given the situation, if he’s suffering, he’s doing an outstanding job. If you haven’t been, then it is something to consider as it may make him come out of hiding.”
Kara stared at him. “What?”
Edward swallowed. “I apologize for the topic.”
She twisted in her chair to face James who had been silent. His eyes met hers and still he said nothing.
The investigator cleared his throat. “Again, I apologize. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything but it seemed like an interesting piece of information to consider.”
James finally moved forward off the counter. “I agree. It is and to answer your question…” He glanced only momentarily at Kara before looking back to him. “We haven’t been having sex. At all.”
Edward stiffened in his seat from the information. “Right.”
“So your suggestion, if I’m understanding this correctly, is for us to…”
The man cleared his throat. “I’m not suggesting that. It was a piece of information.”
“I see.” James grunted. “Is that all?”
Edward nodded and James gave him a bored glance.
“I need to go answer some emails. Have a good evening, Mr. Manning.”
Kara watched James leave the kitchen and walk upstairs. Her heart pounded with each of his steps until she heard the door upstairs shut to the small office.
“I didn’t mean to overstep.”
Kara shook her head. “You didn’t. We’re just not… okay right now.” It broke her heart a bit more.
Edward nodded. “I understand. Again, I apologize.” He stood in a rush and possibly embarrassment. “I should be going.”
Kara stood slowly, hand on her stomach. “Thanks for trying to help.”
The man paused. “I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry I can’t find him.”
She almost burst into tears. “If we do this, what will happen to Tom?”
“From my research, the pain should be unbearable for him. He should want to seek you out. Find you. It’s like a hunting instinct ignites. A primal and what some consider a flawed trait of Lycans and their Bonds.”
Kara swallowed.
“If you decide to try this, please call me. I’d like to survey the house to ensure your safety.”
Kara gave him a weak nod. “Thank you.” They walked toward the front door together.
“If you want my honest opinion.” Edward paused at the door. “I believe he’s close by. I believe this because of several reasons, one being he wants to hurt you, he knows your pregnant and he knows your husband is an Alpha-blood. We also know, he hasn’t left the country. Now, am I positive being intimate with your husband will work and shake him out? No but it’s the first viable piece of information I can go on when it comes to bonded scars in this situation.”
Kara nodded. “I appreciate you coming over.”
“Not a problem.” Once he walked out the door, she shut it and put the deadbolt back in place. As per Edward’s suggestion, the house had to stay locked up, even with fresh summer air dying to filter through. There was no enjoying anything as of late.
She leaned against the wall from the mental war now raging in her. It wouldn’t be torture to endure with him but she knew it might be hard to go through with. They never spoke to each other, nevermind touched each other. James had mostly given up all communication attempts with her once she’d told him to fuck off more than a dozen times and that was weeks ago now. She walked for the stairs to see what he thought of it all.
When she got to the office door, she had to force herself to turn the knob. Her eyes went to his once she stepped inside.
With his hands paused over the keyboard of his laptop, he waited for her to speak.
“Do you…” she whispered. “Do you think that will work? What Ed suggested”
James sat back in the leather office chair and shrugged.
Kara sighed, knowing how every one of their conversations usually just fizzled into awkwardness and this would be no exception. “He said he’d want to watch the house if we did.”
His brow creased. “I can protect you fine myself if that’s the case.”
“I…” She hesitated and his eyes lifted to her.
“Are you up here because you want to try?”
Kara swallowed. “No, I… I was just telling you…”
James watched her with no vocal reply needed.
She turned back to the door.
“You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I know.” She took the door to leave.
“It’s at eleven forty-five.”
“Do you have practice?”
“No. I’ll be able to take you.”
She left the office and shut the door with her nod. As soon as she left, she felt she could breathe again, being around him like that as of late made her light headed and left her gasping for air. She wished she understood it. Wished she understood why when she looked at him, her heart beat faster and even if he’d lied to her, she wanted to forgive him even against her better judgement. It left her in the biggest tug of war within her own heart.
She returned to the master bedroom and curled up in blankets. It wasn’t the best comfort, not like his arms around her but she’d started to find some relief alone in that bed as of late. Her eyes shut from the constant mental turmoil of being under her own version of house arrest. What they all deemed safer and controlled with the security system, cameras and a rolling entry gate down the driveway. She wasn’t sure in the end what good it would all do. If Tom really wanted her, he’d get in and she knew that.
Morning might not have woken her the next day but James at the door did.
He knocked twice. “Kara…”
She opened her eyes with a mumble and rubbed her cheek along the pillow.
Kara. His voice in her head made her sit up fast and bring on an instant cramp in her side. She moaned with her whine.
“Ow!” She wreathed and he walked into the room, shirtless but that was all she saw before she fell back into her pillow, rubbing her side.
“Are you alright?”
She tried to take a breath. “Don’t do that!”
James stopped beside her and she got back up, moaning. “Don’t do what?”
“My head!” She snapped at him.
He paused. “Sorry.”
Kara rolled her eyes. “It scared me and now I have a cramp, thanks.”
He watched her a moment longer. “Here…” He took her hand and Kara stared at the contact as he forced her into the aid, bringing her to her feet.
She winced. “Careful. Don’t you see how fat I am?”
His hands left her with some caution and he sighed. “You’re not fat. Just overdue.”
“They don’t know if I am or not.” Kara mumbled, looking up at him, noticing how sweaty he was. “Ugh, were you running?”
“We’ll see what she measures today.” He walked back to the door of the room. “Get ready because it’s nine thirty-five.”
Kara nodded as he left and she groaned, looking down to see her nightie rearranged on her chest and he’d seen her cleavage trying to fall out because of it. She rolled her eyes and walked toward the bathroom to get ready.
“You better come soon, baby,” she mumbled to her belly. It took her about three times as long to dress, brush her hair out and get downstairs but it put her at a quarter after ten and she figured James wouldn’t complain too much about that. Her hips ached as she took the stairs and finally got to the bottom, almost huffing from the pain.
She put her hands on her waist and wiggled, trying to shake the slow throbbing in her pelvis. “Ow…”
“We’re going to be late.” James walked from the living room, shirtless again but in a nice pair of dress pants. His tanned chest from practice in the sun annoyed her and she averted her eyes fast.
“Can’t you put your damn clothes on before you walk around?”
He creased his brow from her snap. “I was getting there. I had a shower.”
“Well, get there faster.” She walked into the kitchen.
“You look nice.” He followed her behind.
Kara grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard and opened it with quick fingers. “You mean slightly presentable today?”
He picked up his white dress shirt that was over the back of a kitchen chair and shrugged it on, flipping the collar out with quick hands.
She glared out the kitchen window, trying to ignore him.
“Did you sleep well?”
She rolled her eyes and ate more. “It’s hard to sleep with a nine-month pregnant stomach. The baby wakes me up every hour.”
“Perhaps she’s preparing you for motherhood.” He chuckled as he tucked his shirt into his pants and did up his belt.
Kara’s eyes widened as she stared out into the peaceful gardens surrounding the house. She finished her breakfast bar and threw out the wrapper. “Are you dressed?”
He grabbed his keys and wallet from the kitchen table. “Yes, let’s go.” He followed her to the front door and she opened it, unlocking the three separate locks and punching the code out for the alarm.
“Don’t you think this is excessive?” She huffed. “I mean every time.”
“No.” He singled out the fob for the Jaguar as they walked toward it.
She waited for him to beep it open and grabbed the passenger door. The drop down into the low sports car suddenly seemed daunting to her and she huffed. Her mind formed a plan on how to shimmy and move without losing her balance and she barely got there, landing in the seat with a drop that made James look over to her.
“Alright?”
“No.” Kara groaned. “Do I look okay? Honestly… this car is so low to the ground!”
“Do you want to go look at people-movers after the doctor appointment?” He seemed to be joking but she had no idea what he meant. James waited as she pathetically reached toward the open car door and shut it, huffing still. He pressed the single button below the screen and climate control that made the engine come to life.
“What’s that mean?”
“Mm…” He backed the car. “A mini van?”
“So I can do what?” Kara snarked. “Be a soccer mom?”
“Soccer mum doesn’t sound so bad.” His teasing came out of nowhere but it wasn’t unbearable. “Seatbelt.”
Kara rolled her eyes and punched it in by her hip. “You know, I can remember a seatbelt, all on my own.”
He stopped the car at the main gate. The button he pressed on the sun-visor automated the gate to creep across the gravel and free them from the confines of the property.
Something about the way that car picked up speed excited her though and for a split second, she enjoyed it and the passing scenery. Her once a week excursion was going to a doctor’s appointment and she’d begun to look forward to them.
Her belly moved as the baby stretched, that was about the level of room left inside, none. “Do you think I’ll have her soon?”
He glanced over to her as he drove, his eyes cascading to her belly and back to the road. “I do.”
“I hope so,” she breathed while trying to get comfy in the stiff leather seat.
“In the last two days your…” His voice tapered before he got it back and committed to the sentence, “your scent has changed.”
That almost brought on too much information for her and he looked hesitant toward her reaction.
“It’s just very noticeable but I haven’t any experience so I’m unsure what that means.”
She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “What do I smell like?”
“I’m not sure how to explain it…” He quieted with his thoughts. “Warmer. Richer… you’re usually very sweet smelling but right now it’s calmer and… for lack of better words, motherly and though I like it, it’s not making me all sorts of sexually frustrated like usual.”
She watched him drive. “I do that to you?”
He mumbled, “Isn’t that obvious?”
“I just thought you liked sex.”
“And it doesn’t help that issue any.”
Kara kept her eyes out the window. The bond he talked about the more she thought about it—she felt. It happened near him, worse if she touched him, impossible to ignore when she kissed him. She brushed her fingertips across her bottom lip as she remembered the last kiss they’d shared, the night of their wedding right before he’d left her to return to the party. It seemed like so long ago.
He pulled the car up along the curb near the clinic doors and she clicked her belt off.
“Like usual, I’ll be here.”
Her eyes moved over him as he looked away and put the vehicle in park.
“Or… you could come in.”
He looked at her with hesitation.
“Well, if you want…” She tried to brush off how fast her heart had begun to beat. She hadn’t let him into one of the appointments since the entire ordeal with Tom and rightly so, she’d felt his lying hadn’t warranted him the privilege of going into the appointments with her. Today though, she just felt different about it. Like if this was her last appointment before the baby came, maybe he deserved this one.
James undid his seatbelt and she opened her door, her flip flops met the sidewalk and then his hand was taking hers, helping her to her feet.
Touching him came with a buzzing that ignited her nerves. She pulled the strap of her purse over her shoulder and James shut the car door. They walked toward the clinic doors.
“Thank you,” he whispered to her as he opened the door of the building and let her in ahead.
She swallowed, not meeting his eyes, not knowing if inviting him had been the right thing to do but she’d already done it. She walked to the reception and the young woman smiled back at her.
“Morning, Kara!”
She hadn’t needed to introduce herself, that’s how often she’d been in there since the incident with Tom.
“Morning.”
“How are you?”
“I’m okay.” Kara looked over her shoulder as James joined her. The receptionist smiled at him.
“Not playing football today, Mr. Dray?”
“No, day off…” he said in a low voice.
Kara gave the woman a forced smile. “We’ll go sit.”
“Sure, it will just be a few minutes.”
Kara turned and found a spot to sit while James was slower with it, sitting after she had and looking unsure. He didn’t lean back in the chair like he normally would have and instead stayed forward, elbows on his knees. The more she watched him the more she saw his nervousness.
When he pinched the bridge of his nose, she’d seen enough.
She leaned forward to whisper to him. “What’s wrong?”
His hand dropped from his face and he looked to her. “I don’t know why you’re doing this.”
Kara stared at him, she didn’t know either and another office attendant walked in before she could reply.
“Mrs. Dray.”
“Coming…” She went to wiggle herself out of the chair when James helped her the rest of the way. Their eyes met, no matter how awkwardly and she headed toward the woman waiting with her clipboard of what she could only guess was a list of conditions and notes longer than most pregnant women.
The door shut behind them in the sterile room and Kara turned to face him.
“Usually I sit on the bed but that seems like a lot of effort today.” She took a chair against the wall and sighed.
James didn’t move toward the other chair and she watched him, standing stark like with a hand in the pocket of his pants. Her eyes went to his watch as the hand ticked by the seconds.
The silence made it all the more painful and odd.
“You didn’t have to come in.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” was all he said.
Kara shrugged, hoping the doctor would walk in sooner rather than later. The minutes passed by and she watched him stand perfectly still. For a man that spent the majority of his day running around a soccer field, his ability to be motionless was impressive.
The door shot open, interrupting the way she’d been eyeing him down.
Maureen Reynolds walked in, taking the clipboard from the wall. “Morning, Kara!” Everyone called her Kara for the most part, because she insisted on it. The doctor looked up from the paperwork and she smiled at them. “Oh, you brought Daddy this time! England’s win was exciting the other day, you played well.”
“Thank you.” James stayed cordial even though Kara saw him struggling with the small talk.
Kara’s heart plummeted from the comments though. It was a slap in the face reminder that she hadn’t let him come to one appointment, even to deal with Tom’s mark on her and that he’d made sure she’d gotten to them all nonetheless.
“How’s your neck?”
“Better.” Kara breathed. “It doesn’t hurt too much anymore.”
“Good.” Maureen stepped up to the bed. “Let’s check baby, shall we?”
Kara got up and walked over, again faced with another task of stepping up on the bed when Maureen pushed a step stool over for her.
“Thanks.” Kara lied back, knowing the drill full well now.
Maureen grabbed the doppler and gel as James stayed far back from the action. The doctor turned to him. “You’re welcome to come watch.”
Kara swallowed as she lifted her shirt for the gel and he walked over to the other side of the bed as Maureen prepped the instruments.
“You’ve gotten bigger even since last week!” Maureen smiled at her.
“I know,” Kara sighed. “James thinks I’m going to have her soon.”
The doctor looked at him. “Oh, have you noticed a change of pheromones?”
His expression hitched. “Yes.”
Maureen’s smile returned and she turned to Kara. “That’s a very good sign, especially since we don’t have a definite due date.”
“What’s that mean?” Kara looked between them.
“In my experience… If James is tipped off to changes in you, he’s likely right. Alpha-blooded men have stronger senses than most, especially when it comes to their wives.”
Kara swallowed and her eyes went to James’ as he took a deep breath.
“And if you’d like to move it along quicker, sometimes some sex can help,” Maureen teased them but the joke only thickened the tension Kara had been feeling since inviting him into the appointment.
The doppler swooshed the sound of the baby’s heart and snapped Kara from her thoughts.
Maureen looked to James. “Your baby’s heartbeat is strong.”
Kara saw his gulp and felt his nervousness kick up a notch. Almost like he’d just realized what he’d been signed up for all along with her. A child that wasn’t his.
Even though he’d been carrying on his promises, she still felt her and the unborn baby weren’t his problem. They were anything but his problem.
He watched the doctor clean up her stomach and then pull out a measuring tape.
“Let’s see how much you’ve grown…” Maureen put the tape along Kara’s stomach and paused. “You’re measuring due, Kara.”
She sighed with a nod.
Maureen turned to him. “This baby will be here very soon. You need to make sure she is ready to leave for the hospital when need be.”
James nodded, but his unease was still present.
Kara sat up as the doctor went on a bit more about signs of labour but she’d heard it already, many times before. Every week when she’d made him sit out in the car or the Bentley had driven her if he couldn’t.
She got off the bed and wiggled to align herself right and then the appointment was done and James was still silent.
Kara picked up her purse. “Ready?”
“Mm.” He let her walk ahead to the reception area as someone else waited for an appointment with Maureen.
They got out to the car and he opened her door for her this time, helping her sit.
“I’m starving,” she admitted right before he shut the passenger door.
“Do you want to go to the pub just down there for lunch?”
Kara nodded and he held out his hand to help her stand again. “Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” He shut the door and locked the car back up.
“That was awkward for you…”
They started to walk down the sidewalk toward the pub on the corner of the street.
“It wasn’t awkward,” he attempted to brush her off.
“But you said like nothing the entire time.”
“I didn’t know you wanted me to speak. I thought it was more one of those seen not heard deals.”
Kara made a face. “Huh?”
He sighed. “Pissing off a very pregnant woman is the last thing I want to do. Thank you for letting me come to the appointment.”
Kara choked from his honesty as he walked ahead to open the pub door for her. His manners were on point, but they always were. He found them booth seating in the back and Kara squished herself along the bench and relaxed.
“My feet are aching so bad…”
James settled across from her as the bar maid walked over.
“Drinks?”
He looked over to Kara.
“Rootbeer?” She asked.
The woman waited for his request next.
“Real beer, please. Whatever’s on tap.”
“Coming up.” She walked away.
His eyes returned to hers. “Are they swollen?”
“So swollen,” Kara mumbled as his phone beeped.
He pulled it out to look at the text. “Do you want a massage tomorrow? I’ll call now.”
“Ugh, or you could just give me one once we get home,” she wished it hadn’t come out as awkward as it had.
James looked up to her and flipped off his phone, putting it face down on the table. “What?”
“I was just thinking…” The moment overwhelmed her and she shrugged. “I don’t want to be bonded to Tom anymore.”
James watched her come apart. “Kara…”
Tears pooled in her eyes, blurring her vision of him. “I mean, what if Ed’s right… what if it works?”
He hesitated and never replied.
“I’m so pregnant and she’s coming and I’m still his. Like I belong to him, like he owns me… isn’t this fucked?” She started to cry.
James leaned forward on the table. “Hush, love.” But his concern only made her cry harder. He glanced around and then stood, coming to her side of the bench seat and settling in beside her. She slipped against him right away, pushing her face to his white dress shirt. She felt his swallow, his tense and then his arm moved around her to pull her close.
“I’ll do whatever you want,” he whispered to her. “Okay?”
She nodded into his chest as her tears kept falling.
“Shh.” He kissed the top of her head and that made her grab a fistful of his shirt along his abdomen. “You’re not his.”
She lifted her eyes to his as his hand took her cheek with a gentle touch.
“She’s not his either.” He referred to the baby inside her and she sucked in a breath. “Neither of you are.”
“Are we yours?”
He watched her for a few long moments. “That’s up to you, Kara. I’m not in any position in our relationship at the moment to make that assumption.”
She pressed her mouth to his and he didn’t bite into her right away as he normally did. In fact nothing about the kiss was normal. When she pulled back her nose tipped his and she stared up at him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” he replied.
She pulled back with the growing lump of emotion as the waitress set their drinks down.
“Do you want to order any food today?”
Kara watched him as he flipped open a menu for the first time and pulled at his collar to loosen off another button at the same time.
“Two of those please.”
The waitress nodded and walked away with the order and menus.
“When you say everything…” Kara started.
“I mean bloody everything,” his voice edged with anger.
She looked down to her belly and rubbed as the baby kicked out. “Yeah, I guess it is all wrong.”
He watched her. “Aside from you and the child, that is. The only glimmer of hope in this situation.”
Kara watched him pull back and though it hurt, she saw his position. She’d spent the last month hating him and not letting him say much of a sentence to her. Now with the pressing issue of birthing a child looming and the way he’d sensed the change in her body, she felt bad for treating him the way she had. She had beat him down and she was seeing a side to him she didn’t quite understand or like. Something she had done to a man so strong willed his confidence never waned but here it had faded.
Any more conversation from that point on dissolved and they ate in silence, sitting next to each other. When they finished, Kara was happy to sit in the car and digest as they drove home. Her sides ached with a dullness she couldn’t ignore and it had become exhausting.
When he pulled the car up to the house, she was thankful for the morning excursion to be over and where she could lie on the couch or in bed and relax. First she had to get out of his vehicle though.
“Maybe we do need a minivan…” she muttered as she pushed the door open and figured out how to crawl out of there.
“That was a joke earlier. But perhaps a saloon, something with four doors.”
Kara glanced over to him. “Sure… whatever.”
“An Audi,” he suggested.
“Sounds pricey.”
“Will go with your pricey cottage, love.” He got out of the car while she tried to make an escape plan.
She rolled her eyes as he walked around and held out his hand for her. She took it out of desperation and stood, bumping her stomach into him in the process.
“Mind the belly,” he joked.
Kara looked up and wrinkled her nose at him. “You pulled me in.”
“I didn’t. You’re just a bit counter weighted.” He shut the car door and walked toward the house.
“I think you like me knocking into you.”
He searched his key chain for the house key as he glanced over his shoulder to her. “Are you sure this conversation should continue? It’s getting rather suggestive.”
“You’re rather suggestive,” she teased, letting down a guard she hadn’t expected to let down.
“Right.” He watched her a moment longer and turned away to unlock the house.
She stepped up beside him to wait for the door. “Did I make you uncomfortable again?”
He swung the door open and she stepped inside. “Are you flirting with me or just being silly?”
She paused between slipping off her sandals to look up at him. “Silly, I think.”
“Mm.” He took off his leather boots and went to walk down the hall.
She stopped him before he got far. “If I was flirting, what would that mean though?” He turned toward her as Kara rested her hands to her belly and waited for his reply. “Well?”
“It would mean I’d have to kiss you.”
The tingling of butterflies exploded and made a small smile brim her lips. “Okay…”
He stepped closer to her and took her chin. “Okay,” he echoed, putting his mouth to hers. That time his kiss was what she’d been missing and even craving since the pub.
His tongue met hers and her hands met his chest, the rest slotting together like it always had between them. She put herself as close as she could so even when he pulled back to end the kiss, he wouldn’t move far and he didn’t. He looked down to her once his lips left hers, motionless, even as she ran her hand through his thick styled hair.
Her heart pounded when she came to the realization of what she wanted to ask him. “Let’s go upstairs.”
He paused for a split second and kissed her again. His hand left her chin to caress her neck but when he touched the bite from Tom, it made her tingle from a bit of pain and their lips broke.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine.” She fought through the bee sting pang along her neck.
He took her hand from his chest and led her down the hall. Her adrenaline sped at the mere thought of him inside of her. She hadn’t felt it in so long and now, she suddenly was reminded of that fact. She trailed just a step or so behind him until they were on the second level of the home and he led her to the main bathroom where the updated claw-footed tub was and its jets.
“You should have a bath and relax.” He opened the door and she swallowed, not knowing if that meant he’d join her or not but she quickly realized it was a not.
He started the bath for her and stayed dressed.
“Do you want to join me?”
His expression hitched. “I think maybe you’ll have a bath, I’ll go watch a bit of the sports network and we’ll think about it a bit more.”
“Think about what?” she got agitated.
“This situation.” He headed for the door.
“James.” She stopped him. “You said you’d do what I want.” She saw his shoulders deflate with his sigh.
“That mark is a serious issue.”
Kara sucked up a breath and shut her eyes as he left the bathroom. He was right, it was a serious issue but those few moments of normalcy with him offered a speck of hope for the first time. Perhaps she could forgive him. Perhaps they could move on…
She shut off the faucet and walked toward the door after him.
“James!”
He’d already turned on the TV when she joined him in the small living room downstairs.
“The bite isn’t going to go away.”
He lifted his eyes and hit mute on the remote. “I know that.”
“Then it doesn’t matter!” The words left her in a shout.
He stared at her in silence. “I thought I could do this, but I’m not sure I can—”
Her eyes widened. “You don’t think you can fuck me?”
He stood as she got louder and raised his palm. “Kara—”
“Don’t hush me!” She snapped at him and started to shake from her new emotions. “You lied to me… you lied to me for so long and that really was not okay—at all, but today with you was normal and I liked it. Because everything’s been so fucked up, James!””
“It is fucked up. I love you. I think you love me but I’m not sure anymore and every time I look at that bite on you it makes me…” He grimaced.
“So I disgust you? Freak you out?”
He shook his head. “No. That’s come out wrong.”
Kara creased her brow. “For fuck’s sake, James, just make some sense!”
He sighed and looked away. “We shouldn’t fight about this… the baby.”
“The baby is fine. I’m fine. Please, just tell me what you really mean.”
James’ eyes returned to hers and the silence killed her. She wanted to roll up in a ball and die from it. He wouldn’t be sharing his emotions and she knew it. The only place he showed a blip of emotion was on the soccer pitch and even then it was due to a poor call by the referee.
“You suck at communicating!” she shot and went to leave but more fled from her mouth before she got there, “and you’re controlling! And paranoid about everything!”
James sighed.
“And…” she sputtered. “And sometimes you’re really an asshole! And that’s why most people don’t even want to be around you. If you weren’t so oh-my-god amazing at soccer, no one would care about you!”
James stared at her. “Thank you.”
“You’re fucking welcome,” she snapped and they glared at one another, until he stepped toward her.
“First off,” he started, “I don’t like emotions, they make things messy but I understand that makes me frustrating at times. Secondly, I do like things my way and I suppose that makes me controlling and thirdly, you’d be paranoid too if you saw everyone in your life get picked off with a subtly that only warrants murder but at the same time, doesn’t. For those reasons alone, I don’t care about anyone liking me, other than you, my Nan and really, not one other person.” He shifted his stance with his pause. “And the baby, I’d like her to like me as well.”
Kara swallowed and put her hand to her stomach as the emotion budded in her chest. “I really do wish you were her father.”
James’ brow lost it’s crease as he stepped toward her. “If you let me, I will be.”
Kara nodded to him as he put his cheek against hers and she shut her eyes. Enjoying the closeness of him and his warmth as his arm went around her waist.
“I love you, Kara. Don’t think otherwise just because this whole thing is driving a wedge between us. I can’t remember the last time I went a month without sex, but I haven’t even thought about it because all I think about is you and the baby.”
She sucked back her bubble of emotion. “I know you’ll be a good Dad.”
James kissed her cheek. “I’ll try my best.”
She took handfuls of his white shirt and brought him closer until he had to lean over her belly. “The doctor said sex might help me go into labour.”
“Mm.” He mumbled, “Yes, I heard that.”
“So now, we have two reasons…”
“Would seem that way.”
“Only if you want to…” Kara went to kiss him but when he stopped her, he took her hand and led her the short distance away to the couch. He sat and she followed, right into his lap, ignoring the way he stiffened up from her forwardness.
His hands settled on her waist though as she straddled him and she adjusted herself along him. Her hands took his face and she dropped her nose against his in a calmness that washed over her. They shared breaths of air before his hand on her back nudged her forward and their lips met.
He’d controlled that kiss to the nth degree and she hadn’t minded a bit. That had been something she’d missed, his direction. It came from a place she still couldn’t understand. How she wanted to follow him and she wondered if that too stemmed from the bond they shared.
The kiss went on minutes and minutes until she’d started rubbing herself along his trousers with no shame. He grabbed her hips to halt her and their lips broke.
“Stand up, love. Take off your leggings.”
Her cheeks got hot from the light demand and he helped guide her up.
He watched as she slipped her leggings off and onto the carpets as he stood and undid his belt and pants as well.
She stepped up against him, undoing a few of the buttons along his collar. “What now?” she whispered.
He turned her to face the TV and took her waist. “Come back and sit with me.” He meant on him and her heart thumped. His direction only added to that, as her back met his chest and he filled her.
The moan left her lips with the stretch and it made him tense against her and wrap his arm around her waist.
He pushed his mouth to her ear. “You’re swollen, does it hurt?”
She tipped her head back and rocked her hips against him, liking the tightness, the pull and the push. “No… it feels good.”
His hand came between her legs and when his fingers met her heat, she got greedy for more.
She dropped her head back onto his shoulder and enjoyed the touch. “I like it…”
He kissed her cheek, moving towards the bite and testing the skin around Tom’s mark. It didn’t sting like when his fingers touched. It felt anything but a sting.
She took his cheek and redirected his mouth onto the bite as the need hit her. His muscle tensed across his chest as he pulled her closer, biting into the mark that had been put there by force.
The hum of euphoria built inside as he continued the bite, using his teeth a bit harder as a growl erupted in his chest. It all came together in a way she hardly made sense of, but when he grabbed her closer, tensed against her and bit down hard on her shoulder, she understood their bond. Understood the need it made them both hungry for. Being together. Being with him fulfilled so much, she gasped from the way her heart exploded.
He grabbed her close to stop her hips from rocking and lifted his mouth from the mark branded to her skin.
She tried to catch her breath as he let her go, sitting back on the couch but keeping his hands gently on her hips. The continued touch ticked away at her sudden embarrassment and she got up, her long shirt adjusting over her hips.
“I’ll be…” She felt her cheeks redden. He did up his pants in between her inability to speak but his mouth never opened and his eyes never left hers. “Bathroom,” she finally got out and walked out of the living room and down the hall to the tiny powder room, just big enough for her and her pregnant belly. She leaned over the sink and shut her eyes. No matter how nice it had felt, it now felt all kinds of wrong. She put a hand to her belly as the child kicked out.
The minutes ticked by as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She heard his footsteps on the wood floors outside the door.
“Kara?”
“I’ll be out in a minute…” She flipped on the tap to sound busy or fine, one of the two.
“Want to watch the game with me?”
She closed her eyes as she stayed braced over the sink and running water. Her palm slapped down on the tap and she opened the door, he was so near she had to step back.
“Who’s playing?”
He looked her over and her bare legs. “Norway vs Croatia.”
“Fine, but I want a snack…” She brushed past him and walked down the hall toward the kitchen. He followed her. “And I hate Croatia.”
“Yes, well we beat them last week.”
“Thankfully.” Kara grabbed a bag of microwavable popcorn and took it from the cellophane wrapping.
James watched as she put it in the microwave and pressed in the time. He stepped toward her as the appliance started up.
“What about the couch just now?”
“What about it?” She turned toward him.
He studied her closely. “Does your neck hurt?”
“No…” Her eyes went to his. “What?”
“You seem off.”
“I just don’t like Croatia.” She wasn’t sure if the excuse would pass off.
James tilted his head and let it go. “I’ll put the game on.”
She nodded as he walked away, looking down to her big stomach and ignoring the way her side had started to ache. The position on the couch might not have been the best choice being so pregnant.
The irritating beeping knocked her from her thoughts and she grabbed the steaming bag of popcorn by its edge. She broke the bag open and walked toward the living room where James sat on the couch, leaned back into the far corner looking more relaxed than he had all day.
She thought over where she should sit and then he put his hand to the cushion to invite her near him and take the guessing out of it.
“Come here,” he said when she didn’t move forward right away. “Let me hold you and the baby.”
She almost fell forward, giving into the offer of a cuddle. As she settled into the couch, her belly filled the space between them and her cheek went to his chest.
His mouth came to her forehead at the same moment and he pressed a kiss there. “Do you want a blanket?”
She nodded, she might have felt weird before but being in his arms helped settle that. He pulled the throw from the back of the couch and brought it up and over her bare legs. She hadn’t bothered to get back into her leggings. His arm came around her shoulder and settled there, hand on her belly just under her shirt.
She shut her eyes as the sportscaster on the television started to introduce the game, spiffing it up with a bit of drama James only grunted at. The baby jostled around again and his palm moved over her stretched stomach in a soothing motion. That was one thing she’d definitely missed and she knew she could have back from that moment on, if she let it.
For that night, she did.
The quiet and calm kept her sleeping in his arms the entire night in their bed, in their house for the first time ever. They hadn’t shared another moment of intimacy but there had been kisses—many of them and every time she’d demanded one, he’d given it to her. Till the morning came, sunny and bright through the large arched windows and Kara woke to James leaving her.
She blinked her eyes open. “Are you going somewhere?”
“We have a home game this afternoon.”
“Oh yeah, okay… I forgot.”
He got off the bed. “I’ll be home this evening and Edward will be outside until I get back.”
“Oh…” She sat up, bringing the blanket up her chest. “You called him?”
“Last night before bed. I told him we…” His words trailed away. “I just think it’s best if he’s here when I’m not.”
“Yeah…” She had to agree, especially since they could be playing with fire and the likes of Tom.
He sat down next to her and the blanket rearranged around her stomach. His hand went to her bump and his lips followed, kissing her belly through her nightgown. “Stay there, little one, just until I’m home tonight at the very least.”
“I feel fine right now. No labour pains.” She smiled as he pulled away from her stomach, not that she knew what labour felt like. She imagined, though, that it would be hard to ignore.
“Mm.” He gave her a kiss on her cheek. “See you tonight.”
She grabbed his hand before he got too far. “Good luck.”
His smile formed just at the corner of his mouth. “Thanks, love.”
She let him go and he stood, leaving her in the room but as soon as James had left her side, she’d become eerily cold and sunk into the bed for any residual warmth. It might have been cooling off but his scent was back in the bedding and that washed away any of her unsettled emotion.