Tabula Rasa. White’s move. Territory of Seduction

Chapter 22

Max

I love her orgasms. They're bright, strong, real. It's impossible to simulate something like . Polina's eyes are misty at this moment, as if she is looking into herself and seeing other worlds.

She doesn't respond well to my voice, or rather doesn't respond at all. Spasms of internal muscles my flesh subdue my body. The trembling that encompasses her is transmitted to me, and threads bind us, as one. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Sex with her is than just sex. It's a whole world where I have a starring role in her good will. Her orgasms are , she screams my name, sometimes incoherently, swallowing the ending that drowns in her . It gives me a special pleasure.

Her best quality is her lack of pretense. One of the greatest values for me is honesty in emotions. Women are great performers, and perhaps what I like about Polina is her to lie and pretend.

I smile. I've experienced an incredible internal high three times today, savoring her orgasm. I 't help but smile around her; the mere thought of her feeling good makes a smile spread across face, and she, silly girl, thinks I'm making fun of her.

She sighs softly, lying in the ring of my arms.

- Polina, I'll starve you.

- Yeah, I'm starving, – she admits, licking her lips carnivorously, and we laugh. I jump off bed and go to the closet:

- Catch, – I toss her my silk robe.

- Whoa-ho-ho! - she gets tangled up in it, it's too big for her. - Do you wear silk robes? Such bohemian, high society artist Max Cameroons? - Polina giggles and twists around in front of the , trying to roll up the too long sleeves, examining the nameplate. - I didn't think you were a pepper, Max, – she chuckles. - Christian Fischbacher robe?

I throw a couch cushion at her, hitting her in the shoulder:

- That's for "glamorous pepper."

- Oh, you! – Polina laughed gleefully, and threw a pillow from the bed at me in return.

- It's Grandma's gift, – I chuckle along with her.

- Yeah, yeah, – she throws all the pillows from the bed at me one by one. - I can already see your bedding that I missed. A glamorous guy like you, Max Cameron, surrounds himself with but Ralph Lauren.

I currency her on the bed, pinning her hands to the mattress and kissing her lips, whispering her ajar mouth:

- A fourth orgasm instead of salmon tartare? - her eyes darken, she wraps her arms around .

- Only with you, – he stroked my face, touching my lips with his fingers.

- Then tartare, because this could go on for a long time, – I'm quite serious. I lift her out of and follow her into the kitchen.

- Yeah, Max, I missed Fischbacher. I see you're wearing secondhand pants. Secondhand? -

Polina laughs at my simple, homemade gray tights. - The sleeves are long, – she tries to roll them , but the silk slips off, taking its former shape. I take the scissors:

- Don't move, – I shorten one sleeve to make her comfortable, then the other.

- What are you doing, – Polina gasped. - You've ruined the robe!

- I don't wear it anyway, – I waved it away. - It's really too much, even for a glamorous guy me, – I peck her on the cheek and set the table.

I take the tartare out of the fridge, which has cooled to the right temperature, a bowl of salad, it with spices, salt, balsamic and a blend of oils. I take the boiled wild rice out of the warm , which has been on the preheat setting all this time. I uncork a bottle of Gunderloch Riesling

Rothenberg wine.

- Have you decided to have a feast? - Polina twirls her fork in her hands and looks at me.

- A feast? I want us to have a good one. Remember? - I pour a glass of Riesling and give it to to try. She takes a sip and looks me in the eye:

- How could I forget? You were delicious, – she says intimately.

- Let's eat, – I suggested. Gringo started giving signs of life again. I have an incredible to this woman. I get aroused by looking at her, even in a casual setting.

We eat, drink wine, talk about nothing, everything is so casual, so easy, that we forget about . When dinner is over, Polina suppresses a yawn.

- You need to get some sleep, Baby.

- I slept on the plane. But I guess you have to get used to the jet lag.

- Of course, it's nighttime at your house. Did you tell your parents you made the flight? - I Polina.

- Yeah, while I was waiting for my luggage. I have to Skype with them tomorrow.

Otherwise, Daddy's gonna fly down here to see how I'm settling in.

Polina climbs into bed, and I lie down next to her on top of the blanket, wrapping my arms her and pulling her close to me:

- Go back to sleep.

- Will you lie down next to me? - she asks, covering her mouth with her hand, yawning.

- Yes, I'll guard your sleep like a faithful dog, – I howl softly at the moon, mimicking a dog. Polina smiled, rubbing her cheek against my shoulder and snuggling in tighter.

She's fast asleep. I lie beside her, stroking her delicate fingers that have fallen asleep in my . When her breathing becomes even, I carefully climb out of bed, careful not to wake her, take sheets and pencil, and sketch, sitting in the corner of the bed.

The next day we had a lot of things to do. Polina woke up much earlier than me and breakfast - boiled eggs, made a salad and boiled coffee.

After breakfast, she calls her parents.

- Did you tell them where you're staying now? - I asked her

- Said I was at a friend's house. I think they're guessing you have me, – she smiled and .

We have a pretty busy day planned for today. We have to see and accept her new apartment, to the company where she will be working.

I offer to take a ride on a Harley. Polina admires the bike, asks me to give her a couple of , and I promise that I'll give her a ride if I have a chance and in a convenient place.

First we go to the Bloomberg Tower, where Polina's future office is located. I wait for her in Starbucks café in the middle of the atrium while she is sorting out the organizational issues.

- Your table, may I? - came from behind me. I look over to find Ava, one of the photomodels

I know; we worked together for the fall issue of Harper's Bazaar the year before last. During the when I stopped painting, Gavin kept at it and managed to "sell" me to several publications as photographer.

- Hi, Ava, – I stand up and motion her to a vacant chair. The last time we met, she was . Now her hair is straw-colored. Her makeup is bright for daytime, and it suits her, though it's usual in an urban setting. Ava tells me that she is here on business, and that the building is home an agency she works with. She shows me photos from the latest fashion show, scrolling through on her smartphone. It is at this moment that Polina comes up to us. I introduce the girls to other, intercept Ava's gaze as she looks at Polina from head to toe, and physically feel Polina's at that look. I cover her hand, stroking her fingers.

- Ava, it was nice to meet you. See you later, – Polina and I walk out into the hot New York . I guess it's time to settle some of the topics she touched on in the Skype conversation.

- Polina, I remember you wanted to talk to me about the girls I've been seeing here and , – I put my hand on her waist.

- You want to tell me about them right now, – she shrugs her shoulder uncertainly. - She's so . I don't know if I want to know anything about her.

I laugh.

- Polina, do you realize the nature of your own beauty? It's a photo model. We worked with the year before last. There are a lot of girls like that. I don't even remember the names of some them, there's no point in keeping them in my head.

- Do you remember Ava? - Polina clarifies.

- I remembered Ava because it was a photo shoot exclusively with her. I had a period in my when I lived only for shooting, and painting was all bad.

- How so? - Polina wondered.

- A man who meant a lot to me is dead. I didn't have time to do anything, to save him, – I to explain to her. - After that, there was a period of silence. It was hard to get anything out of myself.

I'm not going to tell her about the dark, heavy paintings. I didn't have any left anyway. Every one of them was sold out at an unprecedented rate.

- I'm sorry. I didn't know. You don't tell me anything about yourself.

-What's there to tell? You know everything. My life is painting. I live here in this city. Ask what you want to know, I'll tell you.

- I'm curious about everything. What kind of family you have. Why you won't tell me about your parents, – Polina swallows and averts her eyes. - I don't know anything about ex-women.

- My family is my grandparents and my sister Alexis. I told you about them back in Kyiv. I talk to my father and mother - I am extremely uncomfortable with the subject. - They when I was seven years old and my upbringing was essentially taken care of by the school, I studied remotely and visited my grandparents during vacations.

-You're not American, are you? - Polina suddenly clarifies. Hmm. The conversation about mystical women around me suddenly turns into something more.

- How do you determine my ethnicity? My grandfather is American. My grandmother and are British, my mother's side are all Canadians of French descent. I consider myself an

American. You can classify me as a man of the world, – I laugh, trying to turn it into a joke. -

About women. I never have conversations about ex-women. I've laid out my philosophy for you, it's I live by. It's Tabula Rasa. Everything from a clean slate. New batch, new combination. No . It's the past, don't mess with it. Especially if it doesn't affect the present. And it doesn't.

- Why don't you want to just talk about your past relationships? I need to know if it was , – she tries to look into my face.

- Why talk about them? They were there, that's all. I leave the past to the past. What do you out of knowing their names or hair color? It's a rule never to talk about your ex-women. I'm a for it myself. It's not like I'm asking you who you've been with in the past.

- You know about Igor.

- Yeah, I know, but because of the circumstances.

- I'd like to know if you've had many. Women, – Polina stands in front of me, red as a . We're standing in front of my Harley, and we have to get to the meeting with her realtor, but some reason I don't know, I realize that this conversation is more important to her now, and she answers to her questions, no matter what.

- I didn't count or keep a ledger of the women I had sexual intercourse with, – I try to joke , but the joke fails miserably. She looks up at me with glittering eyes:

- Are we having intercourse, too? Is that what you call it?

- What do you call it? I remember you don't really recognize romantic relationships between man and a woman either, or has something changed? - I sit down on the Harley so my eyes are with hers.

- I'm not ruling out a close relationship between a man and a woman, Max. I wouldn't call it sexual relationship, – she hides her tear-filled eyes. That puzzles me a little. I lift her face by her .

- Why won't you look me in the eye? What do you call what's going on between us? - I again.

- So far, nothing, – Polina looked at me with a straight face, though tears glistened in it. - I 't know how you feel about me, so I can't categorize what we're having, except as sex of the order.

I struggle to hold back a smile, realizing that my lips are treacherously trembling.

- And what would you call them if I told you that you were my only sexual partner that I've waiting a month for, – I clarify, still holding back a smile.

- A month? - she rounds her eyes. - Max, we haven't seen each other for longer than that.

- Okay. I'm getting off the subject and trying to change the subject. - So what would you call relationship?

Polina is silent for a long time.

- I could call you my boyfriend, – she says quietly but firmly enough.

- I don't have girlfriends. By definition. I won't make any commitments other than the one I you-as long as our sexual relationship lasts, there will be no one else in my life but you-I 't want to lie and bullshit her. It's cruel, but it's honest.

- Then why do you pick me up at the airport, why do you give me a bike, roses? What's all for? You could have come to my rented apartment and fucked me, – Polina said calmly, but I see that her eyes, shining with unshed tears, were now hurling thunder and lightning. That's I like best! Be angry, Baby! Just don't turn into a wuss.

- Because I want our sex to be of the highest caliber, as you so aptly put it. If I just want to , I'll buy a prostitute, pay her to act out the desire. You want me willingly, and that gives me pleasure. I'm used to thanking you for your sincerity and your pleasure. Thank you from heart. I want to shower you with gifts from head to toe, pamper you for the fact that you want me and are not ashamed to admit it. Besides, our desires are mutual, I want you very .

She scrutinizes my face.

- Are you serious right now? Max, do you give women gifts for wanting you? Then you can another bike to Ava, or whatever her name is, she wants you too, – Polina snorts. - 'That ... Unbelievable! I can't believe you don't know that women flow from you, Max.

- You're not listening carefully, Polina. I emphasized that I myself, you know, I want you , – a gamut of contradictory feelings flickered across her face. - Strange as it may sound, I'm ... Mm-hmm. what's the right word for it, selective. I don't fuck everyone. Does that answer question?

- No. Tomorrow you might want another woman, just like you want me. Today, you're here me, and tomorrow, you'll be with another, doing everything you did with me...yesterday, – she again and takes a breath.

- Yes, it is. But I'll let you know if it happens. In advance. It would mean the end of our . You might as well let me know you're with another man, – I realize with that last that I don't like that prospect.

Polina grimaced.

- Polina, – I take her hands, they're icy cold. - Tell me, has something changed since we and you said you didn't believe in love? Do you now?

- No. I don't believe it, – she throws her head up.

- Then you have nothing to worry about. It's not an easy conversation, but let's set the record now. I will always be honest with you, never give you the benefit of the doubt. In my , sex at the highest level is not a primitive, animalistic fuck, it's something more. I am to give you joy in everyday life, to surround you with care and attention, if you want, even to your knight. Women dream of a knight, don't they? I'm ready to be one for you. All this so that sex will be mind-blowing, just like yesterday, and maybe even cooler. We will act like a normal who call each other "my man, my woman". I will do everything for your pleasure, literally you in my arms if you want me to. But we'll both be honest with each other from the start. I'm your man, you're not my girlfriend. We're sexual partners. Figuratively speaking, lovers. And that word is a derivative of the word "love, – you and I both know that it actually comes from word "sex." Now I want to hear if you're willing to be my mistress. A woman to share my bed , – I stroke her hands with my thumbs. She's so tender, so defenseless right now, it's not easy to , but if I don't say it now, it's going to be a big problem later.

- Why are you wearing my ring? - She asks in a strangled voice.

- What do you expect to hear? - I ask. - Don't tell me you want to hear that I love you.

- No, no, – Polina replies hastily. - I don't expect to hear that. And I confess I won't believe . I just want to understand.

I think carefully before I respond.

- I was hesitant to wear this ring. The ring, in my mind, is a symbol of power. But I'm not being honest with you, I'm being honest with myself, too. You have incredible power over me,

– she looks at me with glistening eyes. I want to hug her and dry her unshed tears with kisses, but I 't-she shouldn't make a decision influenced by my tenderness. It's hard for me to admit even to what I'm about to say out loud, but I continue. - I want you in a way that no woman has , and I deeply doubt that I will experience anything like that in the future. It's an incredibly desire, Polina, – I said, kissing her fingers. - That's why I wear this ring. I recognize your over me.

Polina sighs and gently touches my face with her fingertips:

- Max, is it true?

I have a lump in my throat.

- It's true. I promised I wouldn't lie to you.

- I just don't understand, if we're going to be casual lovers, why are you giving me so much ?

- I want you to feel special. A woman I want as much as you, a woman I share a bed with, feel special. I don't make indiscriminate offers left and right. Do you agree to my terms? - I her to me, and Polina presses her whole body against me, trembling. I pull her face back and into her eyes.

- Yes, I agree. I do, – she breathed out. Pulling her against me, I kiss her.

- Don't cry. Please don't cry. I don't like tears. I promise I won't hurt you. I'll be a tender and lover. I'll throw the whole world at your feet. Just be honest with me, just as you always have .

If I could have her right here in midtown Manhattan, on the sidewalk, I'd do it right now.

- I have more questions, – she sniffled, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. -

But I don't want to, can't talk about it now. Later. Can I count on you to answer me?

- Sure, – I promised. - Just don't ask me how many women I've slept with. I don't know, and 's no such thing as "many" or "few" in math.

Polina nods. I pull a handkerchief out of my shirt pocket and hand it to her. She wipes away tears and looks at me.

- How do I look?

- A mourning crybaby with a red nose, – she laughs, sobbing. - You're gorgeous even when 're mourning, but I want you to learn to control your emotions. Let's go. We're already seriously for our meeting with the realtor.

We're leaving towards Brooklyn.

I drive the bike as fast as the traffic allows and, if possible, try not to break the rules, but we still a few minutes late. The realtor, a middle-aged woman, is waiting for us at the agreed upon .

We walk up to a one bedroom one bath studio apartment located on the second level.

Beautiful view from the window, understated and brand new furniture. Polina looks over the and asks me to help with two clauses, but they are fine. The contract stipulates no in the apartment. We receive final instructions and say goodbye.

When it is just the two of us, Polina goes to the window and looks out at the street. She is impressed by our conversation and carefully avoids looking at me.

- What's bothering you? - I'm asking her. - Do you want to discuss the details? Any ?

- No, you made it very clear.

- Why are you sad?

- Why did you say yesterday, – she swallows and lowers her eyes. - That Gringo loves

Rosa?

- Look, – I take a step back, undoing the buttons of my jeans. My cock is on full alert, outward. - He loves her very much, – my hoarse voice is unrecognizable. - What other would you use to characterize a regular boner? It's more than desire on his part. He makes uncomfortable all the time.

- Do you separate him and yourself? - Polina looks at me shocked.

- Believe me, with you around, I can't control it. It's beyond my comprehension.

She has surprise written all over her face.

I couldn't stand the suspense any longer, so I picked her up in my arms and jumped up the steps to the bedroom. My cock is hard enough to punch through walls. I'm annoyed with . I take it out on Polina, of course.

I'm rough with her. No tenderness. Only pressure and demanding hardness. I fuck her as as I want. Until I get the high that satiates me. At least for a while.

We lie wet, tired, on a crumpled, overturned bed.

- Why did you cry? - I lay next to Polina, looking at the mark of my thumb on her neck. She her head negatively.

- Answer me, please, – I ask, kissing her palm.

- I don't want you to do to anyone else what you did to me, – she admits honestly.

- I'm with you now. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, – I kiss her lips. Polina against me and wraps her arms around me. We were silent for a long time.

- Let's go for a walk, – I suggested. - Let's go to Park Avenue and walk there and eat.

- Yes, of course, – she agrees. We're getting cleaned up.

- We'll buy you a scarf. I left marks on your neck. I'm sorry, please.

- Nothing, – she replies. - I hope your marks come off soon enough. I have to go to work in days.

We walk down to the parking lot and drive off towards Manhattan.