Tabula Rasa. White’s move. Territory of Seduction

Chapter 7

Polina

I'm literally walking home. I feel like I've unloaded a carload of sand. I'm gripped by the that have been ebbing and flowing through my muscles since the second he pulled me him in the cab.

I pour the whiskey, throw a few ice cubes in the glass, and climb onto the couch with my up, in a pathetic attempt to hide from my own emotions. I have to face the very obvious fact I want this man! I want him so badly that I'm pounding! I've wanted him since the minute I saw , inhaled his scent, looked into his unusual gray-blue eyes with an amber-yellow core around the . Why deceive myself when it's a fact!

I pressed the misty glass to my forehead and closed my eyelids. The images of today flashed me.

Gorgeous Max in a beige suit.

Sexy Max in a sleeveless shirt. Only a man with broad shoulders and embossed forearms his can afford to wear such a shirt. You can't take your eyes off his biceps, his veins showing the skin, emphasizing the masculinity of his arms. I know, one hundred percent sure, that he off his jacket on purpose to give me that effect-a spiral bomb spinning away. He wore it for the purpose of showing off his impeccable physicality and teasing me.

Reluctant Max is at the restaurant.

Max is an intellectual during the conversation.

Thoughtful Max is a businessman.

Max is a seducer of women.

Max, robbing me of my sanity, cradling me in his car.

His breath on my face. His sculpted fingers clutching my throat. His lips, made for kissing, close to mine. His hard, supple body, burning even through his clothes. His unique, utterly scent that I wanted to inhale.

He is a subtle seducer, he is skilled in the art of temptation and he knows it, he knows how influence me! Why is he doing this?! Why does he try his tricks on me when it is obvious that I hardly keep my eyes off him?

I go to bed. I take off my clothes, throw them by the door, and crawl under the covers.

I dream of a thick night, the streetlights along the road looking like big fireflies, I run in this darkness. My bare feet feel the rough asphalt. My body trembles, I want to hide from night, the darkness around me. I'm scared. I'm afraid of something unknown, hiding in this . And when my strength is gone, suddenly in the circle of light I see him-Max. He's the same clothes he wore at the club. I find myself in his strong arms. It feels so real! I can his skin, his scent that I wouldn't confuse with any other. His handsome face is so close and I for his lips - tantalizing, desirable, surely delicious. My lips tingle with the desire to kiss him.

I want to touch them with my tongue.

At that sensual moment, I was jerked out of sleep by the shrill sound of the alarm clock.

Tangled in the blanket, with my heart pounding, ready to jump out of my chest, and with a sense of reality of what was happening, I jumped up on the bed.

The usual morning "diet" - shower, coffee, orange juice. The daily ritual of making a wish.

Today I wish for one thing: his complete lack of interest in me! Please! Let him not notice, let him away, let him be cold, even indifferent! Don't touch me! I can't bear his hands on me.

It'll be easier. It's easier to make peace with something that's never gonna happen.

The idea of a "service affair" substantially justifies me to hold on to the version , that I can't for such a "professional crime". I don't know what else I can hold on to.

Let go, please, Max Cameron. I think I'm falling into you. I'm afraid of being carried away quickly.

I have some time in the morning. The work on the project for today is done, and I have a few before my meeting with Max. I'll have time to meet with a friend who can help me get my in order. My dad's driver has already brought my car, notifying me by text, so I'm back on .

Alice is my friend, she is eight years older than me. We met in a dance class five years ago.

Now she is on maternity leave, her baby Goshka is just over a year old.

We meet at a café near her house. Alice is a very bright young girl, with gorgeous copper - she should be advertising hair care products.

- What's wrong? - Alice immediately asks, knowing me like the back of her hand.

- Is it really that obvious? - I smile back sourly.

- Igor?

- I don't know. No. I do.

- Polina, I know you too well.

- I'm confused. I don't know what to do about our relationship.

- What's wrong with you? You don't love him. That's the problem, - Alice says.

- You know how I feel about fables about love. Bullshit. And then, - I shrugged angrily. -

You'd think Igor loved me. Everything's mutual with him.

- I don't know, I don't know. At least he's trying, - she makes a scary face, and we laugh.

Goshka, Alice's son, sleeps peacefully in his stroller, we share news, drink iced tea. She tells about her new passion for yoga, talks about the benefits and harms of vaccinations for infants, discuss bags, a new movie. Finally, I make up my mind.

- Alice, I met a man who has a strange effect on me... - I draw circles on the tablecloth with dessert spoon. Alice remains silent, waiting for me to continue. We really do know each other too .

- Anyway, he won't get out of my head..... How do I get over a man? He's leaving in a week.

- A foreigner? Have you two known each other long? - Alice gives me a long look.

- American. I've known him for a couple of days, - I fidget in my chair in embarrassment.

- Oh, you're in trouble, Polina, - she laughs. - Why don't you openly flirt with him?

Especially since, as far as I remember, it's not against your principles.

- It's contradictory, and it's contradictory, - I objected. - First reason, I won't seduce him.

He's the man. Let him seduce me. Second, I don't play on two fronts. Igor and I are still in a and he's not going to back out. Third, this is actually a "business affair", and I value my in the "Art Center", even if in a month I will never cooperate with them. Last, I'm afraid 's laughing at me. Not Igor. That one. The other one.

- First, looking at you, I understand that you're already seducing him - not Igor, the other . Apparently, he himself did not have too much exercise in seduction, if he does not get out of head. Second, Igor - handsome, smart, sexy and from your own words, is not going anywhere retreat. Three, "office romance" is serious, but not fatal. And lastly, and I guess most importantly.

If it weren't for the last thing on your list, we could cross off the first two items on mine, at least.

Right? - Alice summarized, raising an eyebrow ironically.

- Alice, you're very perceptive. But no, no, no! I don't want to suffer from an inferiority , that I'm not good enough, that I don't fit in and so on... Anyway, he's cute and I....

- And you got caught..." Alice stretched her vowels jokingly. - Polina, it's time for you to do about your relationship with Igor. Habit is the enemy in a relationship. You're not and wife, married for twenty years and raising two minor children.

She falls silent again, but I don't find myself with an answer. Then she continues:

- Although, I don't see how you could be indifferent to Igor. He's a very interesting man.

Maybe you two just aren't right for each other sexually? - she stares at me in silence for a while continuing. - Give yourself a chance, Polina. If not with this guy, then with another guy.

Even if it's not for love. At least experience passion, not mathematically calculate your partner.

That's what I think.

- You have the right idea. I don't know how to tell Igor. He's so-" I'm struggling for a word. -

Unquestionable.

- Are you afraid?

- A little. But not Igor, - I state the fact.

- Polina, I believe you'll figure it out. Just let go of all doubts. Listen to yourself inside, -

Alice is silent again, letting out her hesitation, pressing and unclenching her lips, still deciding to a question. - Can I ask you a question?

- Ask away, - I allowed.

- Did you have many men before Igor?

- Just one, - I swallow, extinguishing the awkwardness.

- Hmm. Oh, my God. Professing to have free sex and actually being a very discriminating lady? May I ask who he is?

Before answering, I think about whether to tell you, but Alice and I are pretty close, so I the inner barrier:

- Classmate.

- Well? Why didn't you say anything? I'm not asking for details, but did he seduce you right ? Or did he persuade you? - Alice takes a sip of tea, tapping her fingers impatiently on the .

- There's not much to tell. We met a year after I graduated from high school, at some party, -

I shut up.

- Okay, you don't want to tell me, don't tell me, I get it.

I shake my head negatively.

- No, no. I was just reminiscing. We dated briefly. A few months. He didn't understand my , and I didn't understand his crush. I thought we were at odds, that I was actually taking of him. He thought he was in love and I knew he wasn't.

- I see. So, Polinka, you're not a selfish woman, - Alice laughed. - Didn't you want to have with other guys afterwards?

- I wanted to sometimes, I'm a human being. But probably not enough to go for it. My were taking up all my time, and I was afraid of making the same mistakes I had made with first boyfriend.

- You have to deal with Igor. If there's no love, and no passion, what's the point of such a ?

- Maybe I'll never have a passion, - I snort. Alice laughs.

- Yeah, right. I can see that you're just afraid to admit to yourself how a new acquaintance you. I'm sure there's a lot of passion there, like an open fire. But it's up to you. Deal with

Igor first.

I have to go, I kiss Alice on the cheek and walk to my car. Yes, it's time to sort myself out figure out what I expect from Igor and from our relationship.

Today Max and I have just as busy a day as yesterday. We move around the city a lot, we are invited to the boss, including me, of course, for translation. He has invited interested , they will be discussing with Max the future orders they plan to place with him. The next on the plan is an interview for the Ukrainian edition of "FHM".

Max is smooth-shaven and looks a few years younger. He's wearing a white polo shirt, light, jeans, and white loafers, barefoot as always. He's collected, calm, focused. He's exceptionally to me. That's all.

Well, I got what I've been dreaming of all morning. He shows complete indifference to me, , I would even say, he doesn't notice me.

In the absence of time, we have a snack on the go. While we are waiting in the editorial for the preparation of the photo shoot envisioned as part of the interview, Max shows me of his work on a tablet. All within the limits of courtesy.

Then he changes into his black sleeveless shirt for the photo shoot. I want to go out for some air, but the photographer asks me to stay. Max is being nice to the girls in the crew - the artist, the hairdresser, the photographer's assistant. He jokes, the girls answer him with , I translate, and later, while he poses, I put on my headphones, turn on the music on my , and turn away to the window.

After the interview, we have an unscheduled meeting with one of the salons where we a collaboration yesterday.

At the end of the day, I drop Max off at the hotel and say goodbye to him.

- What about the dance studio? Modern?" he asks in surprise.

"Oh, shit! I forgot. Is that how you want it? Well."

- It's a risk, but I don't know if the supervisor will accept your presence. If you get kicked , I warned you.

In the studio, I show the guests where they can sit. Max pulls out a camera and asks if I if he takes some pictures. I point at the group leader, but he doesn't seem to mind.

I retire to the locker room, change into my tights, and put my hair up in a ponytail.

It's just a regular rehearsal. First warming up, stretching, then practicing the group dance.

We used to dance this production on stage. Now the cast has changed, some, like me, appear at once in a while. It's necessary to dance. My movements have long been practiced, so I myself completely to the rhythm of the music, enthusiastically plunged into the dance. I even my mind off Max.

When rehearsal ends, Max is already standing at the door:

- Thank you for the invitation, - he says to me. His voice is completely indifferent. - Could call me a cab? Also, if it's not too much trouble, could you help me with my hairdresser? I'd to freshen up my haircut tomorrow before the opening of the exhibition. I've seen a salon in the , but I'd prefer a reputable one.

- Yes, of course. What else could I say to him? I call a cab for him. He says goodbye and without waiting for me to change.

What's that supposed to mean? Yesterday he held me close to him, and today... "And today 's indifferent. Just like you wanted, - I answered myself. The morning desire pulses in my . Really, why should he suddenly show attention to me? Why did I think he was interested me? Maybe he wanted to test my reaction to his flirting yesterday. Was it a flirtation?

I'm furious...

I am enraged!

I'm frustrated!

I am disappointed!!!

I'm driving home, squeezing everything out of the car that it can do in city conditions. The rings. It's my dad. I answer his questions, not really listening to the meaning. He wants to when I'm coming over for dinner, inviting me over tonight.

No, not today!

Apologizing, I refuse. It's a good thing my father and I don't have to go into detail or explain when we don't want to.

At home, I make syrnyky (cottage cheese pancakes) and brew apple tea. Igor shows up . That's who I'm least expecting! He's with a bouquet of white roses, in a white jacket, the tone of the flowers, it's his thing. It's so 'Igor-ish'! We exchange meaningless phrases, and as as possible, I send him away. I don't want to talk to anyone today. I have to suffer for week and Mr. Immunity will be far away from me. "Will that make him any farther away me?" - I ask myself honestly.

I turn on a movie I've wanted to watch for a long time. I can hardly understand what is on the screen. The movie is not a drive-in movie, it doesn't distract me from my inner state. Would a drive-in movie distract you?

I call girlfriends I haven't talked to in ages. I talk to one, two, three...

Why am I kidding myself? I just have to accept the fact that today Max finally let me know I made up his interest in me.

Time to go to bed. I take a shower. While I'm making my evening tea, my phone vibrates - I a text. Oh, my God! It's a text from Max!

"Open the mail."

I open the lid of my laptop, start my email program. He sent me links to file-sharing sites. I them and I see-- Me! A bunch of pictures from the studio.

I'm in the dance.

I'm at the machine.

I'm at the window.

There are a lot of photos, they are made in an original manner, unexpectedly stylish, in a - professional. Well, wow, it turns out he is a master! The photos have already been processed

(when did he have time?).

More files come in. I open them. These are photos from the "FHM" editorial. When did he these? I can't believe my eyes. He took the photos during a meeting with entrepreneurs at the 's house! I'm everywhere.

The last one comes with a link to a separate file.

I'm afraid to open it, as if I have a premonition of something, taking a long time to decide.

Finally, I press the button and cover my face with my hands. I spread my middle and ring fingers , like when I was a child. His face is on the screen in front of me. He took a picture of himself the background of a window overlooking Sofia Square. The photo is so clear, as if he is and blood here, right next to me. Against the dark square of the window, reflecting the lights the night city, the illuminated "St. Sophia Cathedral", his face is illuminated only by the flash.

Max rests his head on his hands, tilting it slightly sideways. Sad eyes, lips slightly open. A chill runs me. I touch the monitor with my hand. I draw a line across his lips, down his cheekbone.

My heart races.

The phone vibrates again. I jump up and down in my chair, startled.

"Did you look at it?"

"Yes."

The phone immediately vibrates in response, right in my hands

"Good night. Kisses."

"That's it?"

I don't know why I'm sending him this question.

The phone is silent for a long time. I realize that there will be no more continuation, but then

I get a reply text "Open the box".

With shaky hands, I open the mail. O. H. M. Y. G. O. D!

Max is lying on the bed, covered by a sheet around his hips. He's just sprawled out on the looking into the lens. He's naked. I admire the line of his chest, his arms, one of his legs bent at knee and hidden under the sheet, and the other stretched out and almost completely naked.

What's that? There's a clear sign of his arousal in the area of his thighs. My cheeks are , even though the area is covered, the thin fabric of the sheet not hiding his erection.

My head is on fire and I dare the most desperate question, "Are you fondling yourself now?"

The response comes instantly, and in capsized language, "NO! I'M NOT CUDDLING

MYSELF! It's a reaction to your pictures."

I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. Oh-oh, Max... I wish I were in your right now, transported there, to you. I'm ashamed of my own thoughts, of my lack of restraint, the all-consuming desire. It's so strong that even my fingertips are hot.

Another text arrives, "This is my usual reaction to you all these few days."

I was already wound up to the max, and that last phrase was like a shot in the head! I dial his with trembling fingers, and he answers immediately, after the first dial tone. His hoarse awakens in me a whirlwind of feelings from which I don't know where to hide, where to .

- What?

- Do you...Do you realize what you're doing to me? - my voice trailed off into a whisper.

- Hardly... - he replies. - I don't know what you're doing to me. Let's go to sleep... Otherwise

I'll... - he stops talking.

- What?" I ask. Now, for some reason, my body starts to shake all over with a fine tremor.

- I'll find you and, uh.

- So? What, Max? Tell me... - I almost beg him, still speaking to him in a whisper.

- What do you think? - His voice shifts to a whisper, too.

- Show it to me, - I suddenly blurted out, horrified at what I was saying!

- Go to bed, - he says tiredly.

- Max...

He's silent.

- Max...

- Turn on Skype, - he says it so calmly that it sends a wave down my spine that feels like it's to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Why did I ask him to do that?

But I can't stop now, so I fire up Skype. I get a request from Max, add his account to my list, and literally instantly I get a call from him. I hit the reply button. The screen is dark. I his voice:

- Did you turn on the camera?

- Yeeees, - I'm barely able to speak.

- I have a dark screen. Check the settings.

- My screen is dark, too, - I answered him. I check the settings and finally see my own face the corner of the monitor - eyes wide open, biting my lip, squirming in my chair.

- Can you see it now? Your camera's still off, - my voice sounds almost pitiful.

The monitor flashes so suddenly that I instinctively move away from it, seeing Max lying in same pose as in the photo, only he's turned slightly toward the camera.

- Can you see me now? - he asks.

- Yes, - I could barely move my tongue, and I was already shivering violently. Oh gods, ... he's so handsome!

- Are you sure you want to do this? - There's no shadow of a smile on his face.

I nod my head silently. I think my tongue is stuck to my palate.

He slowly tosses the sheet aside.....

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

I'm mesmerized as I glide my gaze over his body, admiring his manhood in full force. Truly, is dignity! It was not difficult to guess that this part of the body would also be beautiful, but to be !!!! You could make a mold of it and put it on the mantelpiece.

He lies silently and just stares at me through the monitor screen. At one point, his cock slightly and an unrestrained moan escapes my lips. I don't know how that happened!

- Is that enough? - Max asks.

- NO!!! .... Not yet..." I shriek, wrapping my arms around myself. The silence drags on too , and I want to stare and stare at him. I forget that he can see my reaction on the screen, because camera is on, too.

- Are you satisfied? Say something, - he swallows, and I can hear his breathing. Or maybe 's just me. Maybe it's me breathing so loud.

- He's, uh. very handsome. You're very handsome, - I mumble as if I'm delirious. I reach my toward the monitor and draw a line along his body. - You're...He's...big..... - What can I say? I 't say I've never seen a male organ this big before. Maybe it's an illusion, is the webcam his handsome man that much? Max runs his hand over his lower abdomen and wants to himself with the sheet.

I shout out:

- NO! Please... - God, what's wrong with me! How am I acting? I'm going crazy... My voice to a whisper. - Touch yourself.

What am I carrying? But my body is on fire, and in the corner of the screen I see my face in pleading. God, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me?!

- Polina... - Max also speaks with difficulty. - Please, let's go to sleep. I'm... I don't feel very . It's all tugging. - he runs his hand over his groin.

I get as close to the monitor as I can.

- Touch yourself, - it sounded like a real plea. He hesitates, then wraps his long, strong around my cock and runs them up and down the shaft just a few times. I cover my eyes the sweetness spilling inside. I feel like it's my fingers sliding up and down his veined shaft.

I moan shamefully softly, but I don't even try to cover the sound. It just spurts out of me, spurting the inside out.

- Happy? - His voice is very quiet.

- No. No! I'd rather do it myself. I'd rather do it myself. He's so handsome.

Max pulls a remote out from under the pillow and presses some button, the camera zooms in his face, it's so close. Now I can't see anything else but him.

- I want to lie on top now, - Max says almost silently, licking his lips. The sight of the tip of tongue between my pink lips makes me squirm, down there, feeling my panties soaking wet.

Could I really be that wet from the sight of a naked man? - On you, Polina. You'd feel me all over, ... Now you're going to bed.... We're far apart, but I'm... still with you by my side. Sleep,

- he says and kisses the tip of his index finger, sending me an air kiss. The screen goes out. I sit for long time, rocking back and forth on the couch, staring at the dark monitor.

Then I run to the shower, stand under the cold jets, my soul singing and crying, a hurricane . I've never experienced anything like this before and I don't want to experience anything like with anyone else. Only with him. I want him! I want to experience the whole gamut of with Max!

- - - -

I wake up in an excited mood. I feel like in childhood, when on the eve of a birthday you presents, a feast, fun, but you don't know what exactly you will get and what scenario the fun follow.

Standing under the shower, singing Rihanna's song "Diamonds". I close my eyes, put my under the water jets, catching the drops with my mouth. In front of my eyes I see a sensual : a naked Max lying on white sheets. It's a picture that turns me on half a beat. I can't imagine until tonight, when he and I can have some relative privacy. Tonight is the official opening the exhibit-there's a lot of work to be done, and I'm in a completely non-working mood. All my are on him. All about him. And my desires are all about him.

Immediately after showering, I dial the number of my hairdresser, Sergei, and suggest that pay a visit to the Hyatt to give my protégé a haircut. Sergei speaks excellent English, and I'm he and Max will quickly find a common language. I text Max that a barber is coming to see at noon. I can't dial his number and talk to him, even though I want to. I don't have the guts. I'm that I'll talk nonsense or get stuck and won't be able to say a word.

Dialing my mom's number. I plan to borrow her dress for tonight's party. Her closet is full of , so I'll pick something from Gucci or Prada.

On the way I buy flowers - a bunch of peonies, my mom's favorite.

It's Friday, so it's just her at home at this time, my dad is at work. My little sister is in

London, studying at university, I've been waiting for her!

Mom sits me down at the table, feeds me breakfast - oatmeal with dried fruit on milk, tea, a of cheeses - in general, a full set.

She never misses an opportunity to brainwash me about Igor - it's her favorite topic.

- Polina, how's Igor?

- Mom, you supposedly met him last week at Semyon Nikolayevich's birthday party.

- Why weren't you there, by the way? - Mom's always so thorough. I shrug my shoulders; I 't know what to say to her.

- Mom, I want to go through your closet today. Do you mind?

- Party? Dad said you had a job at the Art Center. Let's do it. Especially since I bought a of interesting dresses at the last show at Bublik's, - my mom is always happy to help me an outfit; I don't understand why she doesn't design clothes herself, she'd definitely be good it.

- Ma, maybe something from the "warehouse program"? - That's what I call the things she but never wore. She pours herself a cup of tea and continues her favorite topic as if nothing happened:

- We could watch some of these. But you changed the conversation to Igor. Polina, you're a , you shouldn't let him go to events alone.

I wrinkle my nose.

- Ma, what makes you think I'm planning a future with Igor? - I waved it off.

- What do you mean, daughter? You've been together for almost a year now, and he asked father for permission to propose, - she says in a completely casual voice. The blood drains my face, the cup stops halfway to my mouth, and I stare at her with round eyes.

- How, uh. this? - I squeeze out.

- What do you mean, "how"? Asked if Dad and I would be okay with him proposing to you.

I was sure you were the one who was gonna tell me about it.

Me? Do I tell? This is the first I've heard of it!

I need time to recover. This is something I never expected! I feel sick just thinking about this explanation! I never gave Igor a reason to think about something like this!

I don't want to get married! I don't want to!

To Igor?!

Somehow everyone is sure that it's a done deal. Since Igor has honored me with his , I must be over the moon. Why should I be? Because he's got me in his sights?

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, NO!

Oh, no! I whipped my hair nervously with my hand and dismissed the unnecessary thoughts.

We'll deal with this later! At least I don't know yet. He was talking to his father, not me!

Furious, I turn my mother's closet upside down and pick out a knee-length turquoise dress a cutout in the back. That'll work. Actually, the dress code for translators, even at parties, is clothing without glitz and glamor. Women usually wear black dresses, men wear suits. I'm breaking the rules. But I have an invitation to the party from the gallery, and even if I didn't for the company now, I would still go to the opening.

Oh, no! I remember I was supposed to go to it with Igor. Damn it! Igor. He'll be there! My is completely ruined. Igor will be furious that I'm wearing something like this. I'm on the !

No, I'm gonna wear this dress on purpose. For Max! I know he's gonna love it. I want him like it. Hopefully, I won't get kicked out for my rebelliousness and I can work the rest of my days him.

My mom gives me a farewell, but I ignore it - my mind is elsewhere. I kiss her goodbye.

- I got it, Ma. Don't worry. I'm not getting married yet. Remember, I'm going overseas for a job. It's in six weeks. And I don't know anything yet. Nothing. I guess it's more important Igor to have your support, because then it's easier to manipulate me.

- I don't see what's wrong with that, - Mom says as I jump into the elevator.

I'm just tearing up with anger!

Sitting in the car, I slowly exhale and try to concentrate on driving, but my emotions are off charts, I hit the steering wheel with all my might! What the hell?! How could he do that?! I feel and completely unimportant. This man has absolutely no interest in me, otherwise he would acted differently, but he's making a big deal out of it, knowing my mom's psychological well. He knowingly has her support, because it will give him the opportunity to my decision later. How many times did I meet her demands, and Igor witnessed my .

Not this time. Not this time!