Tabula Rasa. White’s move. Territory of Seduction

Chapter 5

Polina

Watching him move in a dance with someone else is unbearable for me. His body is so that every movement evokes a response in me, even from a distance. He's a great dancer.

Sometimes his movements resemble those of a man in bed. When he puts his hands on Marguerite's and smiles, I look away.

Instead of finally getting him out of my head tonight and getting my emotions in order by him surrounded by other women, I've driven myself to a state of inner chaos. I'm afraid look inside. Why do I feel excitement when I look at him? Why do I long to be the one dancing to him and not Rita? His energy and sexuality obviously captivates more than just me.

"Hey, come to your senses! - I'm stopping myself. - Why are you thinking like this all of a ?"

It's funny that Max and I are dressed like Siamese twins today, or... like a couple. I twirl the silver ring on my finger, thinking about the rings that adorn his incredibly handsome, hands.

Igor leans toward me and suggests we dance, and I cling to the suggestion with joy; maybe dance will take my mind off Max. I move to the beat of the music, merging with it. Igor, as if on , chooses a position for me so that I can see Max dancing in front of the barrel on which

Rita is actually performing a private dance for him. All she has to do is get naked and that's it - a striptease. I close my eyes, completely surrendering to the movements and the music. I don't to see anyone around me, and most of all I don't want to see Max.

He's popular with the girls. They grab his hands themselves, attract his attention themselves.

It's the first time I've ever seen Alina initiate and pull someone onto the dance floor. In his smile, in body movements, in his demeanor, it's as if a big neon sign "Get out and fuck" is glowing. Ugh!

I shake my head, throwing any thoughts of him out of my head!

It's a good thing this evening is coming to an end. Maybe I could let go of the tension and relax.

We are returning home in Igor's car, who has habitually taken a seat next to the driver, who also his assistant, discussing some details and nuances of matters known only to the two of them.

In the back seat, quite unpredictably for me, Max is next to me. His presence is so pervasive that it to fill the whole place. His energy is palpable on my skin. He's fun, relaxed, free, , ironic. Women are attracted to such men, it's a pleasure to be around them. I'm no .

In the semi-darkness of the interior, I can admire him without fear of him noticing. The light the dashboard provides the necessary illumination inside the car so I can stare at his reflection the glass. His finger suddenly touches my hand and a chill runs through me, making me flinch . He's only touching me with his little finger, and I feel like he's holding me tight his body. The thought makes me barely able to breathe. An inner warmth flows through my , spilling into my blood, sweeping up my body. There's a strange tugging in my lower . I'm aroused. Just the touch of his little finger makes me horny! The thought strikes me as . Is it possible? And he doesn't even seem to notice that he's touching me.

But when he strokes my finger with his, I almost gasp in surprise and delight. He wanted to me! He wanted to... I stare out the window at him and mentally see his lips, which... I kiss.

Igor comes into my apartment, throws off his shoes at the threshold, puts his jacket on the nightstand by the closet.

- Polina, pour some whisky. About fifty grams, - Igor said as he headed for the bathroom.

- You haven't had enough to drink tonight? - I pull a heavy glass from the shelf, pour a bottle Bunnahabhain from an open bottle, and throw in a couple of ice cubes, just the way he likes it.

Back in the room, wiping his hands with a small terry towel, Igor takes the glass and runs his over my cheekbone.

- Tired?

- Not much. I want to do some paperwork for the office tomorrow morning. I gotta get up .

- What time are you meeting this American hottie? - He's giving me the X-ray look.

- I'll pick him up from the hotel at noon.

- Be careful with him, Polina, - Igor moved closer to me, standing close to me. - He's sexy, think about it, you can't have anything in common.

- What are you talking about? - I waved those words away. Igor's proximity to me is like a .

- You know what I mean. I wasn't born yesterday. And while you're being reasonable, I must what I witnessed today. It's not just between him and other girls, it's between you too.

Okay, let's go to bed, - he said.

Oh, no! Not now. Not today.

"If not today, when?" - I ask myself. My head throbbed. Igor presses his compressed lips mine. I go to the bathroom, throwing my clothes on the floor, exposing my shoulders, my , to the prickling jets of water. What's stopping me? What, what's growing inside me, what is filling me and pulling me away from everything that used to be so familiar? How did he to take over part of my thoughts so quickly? Ah, Max.

I'm summarizing my morning plans for the day. I got everything I asked for and more. "Ask or you shall receive, - I remember an old Jewish wisdom. Indeed!

Igor is already lying on the bed, throwing the blanket aside, undressed, in just his underwear.

He pats his hand on the mattress beside him. I plop down next to him and turn off the light. Igor on top of me, and I lie there like a log, unable to move my limbs. I wish I could just fall asleep . But Igor ignores my indifference.

Max's image suddenly flashed clearly in my mind: sensual lips with a dazzling smile on , the gaze of gray-blue eyes from beneath thick, light lashes, long, strong fingers that... my breasts. I vividly remember his breath in my ear lobe and on my neck, the breath that my heart race, back at the club.

The floodgates of my imagination are bursting. I don't hold myself back, I don't delineate . I imagine his slender, muscular body without clothes. His strong legs, his firm, sexy that I want to stroke. I wonder what his skin feels like. Max's mind is doing imaginable unimaginable sexual pirouettes, and I'm in a trance and barely have time to bite my lip to keep screaming his name at the worst possible moment. Igor cummed, and I hung over the abyss, to fall into it at any second. Max's image dissolves, falling to pieces in the darkness of the . I cover my face with my hands. I have to stop fantasizing right now, or I'll slowly go insane!

* * *

Morning bursts into the room through the half-blinded open window.

It seems to me that between yesterday and today there is an abyss so wide you can't see the . Yesterday and today are two different people. Yesterday morning I was calm, unperturbed carefree like a child, and today I don't know what I want, my inner balance has disappeared, , dissipated, and all because of one person!

Igor moves around the kitchen, wrapping a towel around his hips. He makes toast and pours into cups, greeting me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

- Good morning. Hurry up, I have to leave in fifteen minutes.

I wander into the bathroom, wash my face, and look at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes even bigger, my cheeks pale. "Stop it, - I order myself. - I made it up myself. You can't be interested in him. Just a sexy dude. He's so definitely not interested in you." Then why he stroking my finger yesterday? Just remembering that makes my insides tingle.

Taking a shower. Time for my daily "order." What do I want today? Today I want to have a or at least relatively calm day, to lose interest in Max. I want to lose interest in Max. Or vice , let him know no peace, also thinking about me day and night, as I do about him! I don't know I want. Shit! Let the day be quiet - that's enough. Let Igor not rape my psyche with his advice control. Now, in the light of day, things don't look as tense as they did at night, the only thing is sex last night was definitely unnecessary. At least for me. Why is Igor so single-minded? He's interested in what I want and, more importantly, whether I'm ready? If I don't want it, and he to release the tension at any cost, can't he make me want it? If he is ready himself - my or desire is out of the question.

I wipe myself dry, throw a homemade silk blouse over my shoulders, and pull on my pants.

Igor is already dressed, sitting near the kitchen island on a bar stool and drinking coffee. He defiantly at his watch and then at me.

- You're longer than usual today, - he notes dryly.

- Igor, are you my man or my tutor? - I brush off his tone.

I sit down across from him, cradling my coffee cup and warming my hands. Igor scrutinizes carefully.

- You're not in the mood today? - asks, takes a sip, and dips the croissant into the coffee in French manner.

- No, it's fine, - I peek into the cup and take a small sip, testing the taste. It's sugar-free. I the cream out of the fridge and slide the sugar bowl over to me.

- What are your plans for the evening? - Igor asks

- I don't know. I haven't made any plans yet. But I might have to attend the gallery boss's tonight, - I make it up as I go along. It's a lie to save the day. I definitely want to be alone ! Igor nods.

- Then maybe I'll go to Cyril's.

- It's about time, - I mutter. Igor snorts sarcastically at my comment and gets up from the . I walk him out.

- Just keep your word and go to Kirill. I'll see you later, - I said, standing at the door. He my forehead like a delinquent child and runs his finger along my cheek:

- I'll decide for myself, - he tells me before finally saying goodbye.

I return to the kitchen, sit across from the open doors to the balcony, and enjoy my coffee in quiet of the apartment.

Kirill is the youngest of Igor's sons. The boy is only five years old. Igor is completely in his upbringing. He divorced Kiri's mother when his ex-wife was still pregnant. She is a few years older than me, and I think she gave birth to the baby when she was only nineteen.

Igor is a true male breeder. He has six children and, as far as I understand, the youngest out to be the most unwanted child. Igor's eldest son is only a year younger than me. "He's the who can keep up with everything, - he says. I smirk.

"Why did I get involved with Igor?"

It's well known why - he didn't give me a pass for about six months, showering me with , gifts, and surprises. At first it was hard to see him as a suitor. He is only a few years than my father, experience seducer huge, in addition, he has a certain amount of charm and how to use this quality. For a long time, though, I didn't even feel anything like sympathy for , let alone desire. Once, yielding to his pressure, I agreed to go with him to a public party as his . I remember that the TV crew followed us around, and Oksana Osadchuk, a presenter a reputation as a ruthless predator for information, asked Igor the most uncomfortable . He held his ground, and I was embarrassed, but I "kept my face straight" and smiled at camera.

Igor left practically no maneuvers for retreat. He unapologetically, uninvited, broke into my , and only my hysterics at that moment stopped him from having sex, which I did not want at . I had drunk more than the norm - I didn't need much - and I was drunkenly hysterical, because all my reluctance, Igor insisted and seemed ready to take me by force. For me, the fact of the party meant nothing, but for him, apparently, it was a sign that I had agreed to be his . Later, it turned out, he was sure that sex, as a natural extension of going to the party, finally establish our new position, but I wouldn't even let him touch me.

Finally, we had a conversation. I clearly stated to Igor my view of the concept of "love" and relationship between a man and a woman in general, and I stated directly that I didn't want him , let alone romantic feelings - there were none. He listened to me with some surprise, apparently expecting me to be so cold and pragmatic.

- You are such a young and, at the same time, such a brave woman, Polina, - he said. - Any woman would have jumped at the chance of a relationship and snagged a tidbit, and you, I , are also setting conditions, keeping a man's maneuver for retreat.

- You're the tidbit, Igor? - I remember laughing openly in his face. - Maybe for a girl from street, a modern-day Cinderella, or for a girl far behind, who dreams of a purse with ears, you just that. Don't forget who you're dealing with, - I said defiantly. - I don't need a man-wall, much a man-wallet. My man will be happy if I say yes to him! Saying yes to you today doesn't mean

I'll want it tomorrow. It would be a good start to figure out why I want our relationship in the first , and then at least experience sexual interest in you. But I have a question. You're good- , you have a lot of women, why do you need me?

- A burrower, - he threw. - Stubborn. Stubborn. Independent. Not chasing a moneyed man.

Finally, seductive and young, - he said in a muffled voice.

- That is, youth, security, and stubbornness in exchange for experience, novelty, and a desire tame, - I blurted out. - It's a good prospect. Try it!

I remember the twisted look on his face at that moment. I knew I had insulted him, but I 't care. If he wanted to be with me so much, he could handle himself. No, goodbye. I didn't call .

If I were an exceptionally mercantile and thoughtful person, Igor would certainly be a match for me. He does business with my father, they have a joint project. He is a member of parents' house. In the business world, he has a reputation as a principled and ruthless . He's a smart, calculating and very tough man, known for his uncompromising nature.

About such people say that for the sake of the goal can "go through the corpses". But with women is different - charming, seductive, generous.

My friend Svetochka used to gasp and wonder why I was resisting our relationship with

Igor, because he was so handsome and imposing. Yes, Igor is beautiful outwardly - that's , but I always had a lot of questions about his inner beauty. Unlike Svetochka, I knew his five marriages and six children. The prospect of adding to his collection was and remains least interesting to me.

Then, after my harsh words, he left, slamming the door. I thought that was the end of it. But

I underestimated him. Half an hour later, he showed up on my doorstep with a bottle of champagne seal the deal!

"Free from love and convention, we beautify each other's lives, - was the tenet he based our on.

That's enough memories for today. Damn! It's been a long time! And how much water has since then.

I glance at my watch and get to work. Immersed in numbers and charts, I try to speed up the and get closer to the noon meeting.