A century of poverty

Chapter 76 Bewilderment

My mother adored her granddaughter after giving birth and took excellent care of my sister-in-law during her postpartum period. After finishing her chores on the floor, she would go up to the kang (a heated brick bed) to help my sister-in-law take care of the baby, and then give the baby a big kiss and affectionate hug.

More than two months have passed in the blink of an eye, and Mom still kisses her granddaughter every day.

The winter vacation of 1978 began, and it was time for us to serve our families again. We made the most of our time each day, twisting straw ropes and making straw bags.

Fourth Sister is "fiery" again. Nian Nian is listless and won't do any chores. Father is displeased; he'd barely finished his breakfast, and before Mother had even finished eating, he said to her with a sour face, "Can't you give her her medicine?"

Mom: "She has to eat even if I tell her to! She's so big, I can't force her mouth open to feed her!"

Father: "Then you won't hit her?"

Mom: "He's so old, why are you still hitting him?"

Dad: "Qu Sanhua is older than her, and her mother still beats her."

Mom: "You can hit me if you want, I can't do it."

Dad said fiercely, "Let me hit you." Before he finished speaking, he punched Mom to the ground.

My mother was both angry and ashamed. In front of the whole family, I have a granddaughter, and she still hit me like that. She cried out of grievance.

Father: "In the dead of winter, you're wailing again! As if you want everyone to know, you wretched and spendthrift woman!" He cursed and charged forward, about to hit us again. Third Sister called to Second Brother: "Hold Father back." She protected Mother and hid in the East Room, in the room of Eldest Sister-in-law. My younger brother and I were so scared that we hid to the side, while Fourth Sister stared blankly.

The mother was extremely aggrieved: "You immediately accuse me of being a burden and a spendthrift! Ever since I entered the Zhang family at fifteen, I've worked tirelessly from dawn till dusk, always putting others before myself. I haven't wasted a single drop of water. How have I burdened you or squandered your money?!"

"You still dare to argue with me?" Father tried to barge into the east room to hit Mother. But the door was bolted from the inside by Third Sister, and Father couldn't break in.

Mother hid in her eldest sister-in-law's room, tearfully teaching her third sister and eldest sister-in-law how to cut fabric on the kang (a heated brick bed). When it was time, her third sister and eldest sister-in-law cooked.

Father was furious every day, and Grandma added fuel to the fire with harsh words. The two of them were of one mind, as if they would never let Mother off the hook.

The mother was so upset that she hadn't eaten or drunk anything for three days, and her face was flushed.

I was so scared that I kept quiet and did my job well so as not to cause any more trouble for my mother; all the while I hoped that this "war" would end soon.

Everyone in the team knew about my family's situation and whispered about it behind my back. Liu Shifu couldn't stand it anymore and thought to himself: I have to do something about it. This young lady from the Zhang family is being bullied to death by this old lady and old man.

He came to my house, sat on the kang (a heated brick bed), and talked to my father face to face: "What's so hard to get over? You're so old, and the New Year is almost here. It's just that you can't bear to be apart from your father!"

Father remained silent.

Liu Shifu turned to look at his grandmother, then turned back and asked, "What's wrong with you two? Is this never going to end?"

Dad and Grandma remained silent.

My mother was so angry she could barely contain herself. She turned to us and said, "Tell me, is it my fault?"

The three of us immediately lowered our heads. How could we dare to say anything? We haven't dared to even glance at our father these days, and even if we knew the truth, we dared not speak out!

The second brother's face was turned towards the north wall, while the third sister looked at her mother and father, hesitant to speak.

The mother, tears streaming down her face, cried, "I raised you all! Your mother died unjustly, and none of you dared to say a word of justice for her? Is it my fault? Huh?!"

The third sister mustered her courage and said, "This isn't my mother's fault." Before she could finish speaking...

Grandma burst into tears, sobbing, "My son is softer than tofu! Waaah—waaah…"

Grandma burst into tears, and Dad immediately stood up: "Your mother has sent reinforcements—"

Mom, don't cry, I'll carry you on my back tomorrow...

The father was trying to appease the mother, making it seem as if they had suffered some great injustice.

Third Sister remained silent, not daring to speak, and we didn't know what to do.

Mother couldn't stay in the room any longer. She got off the kang (a heated brick bed), and Third Sister hurriedly followed. We younger ones looked at each other in fright.

Liu Shifu got off the kang (a heated brick bed) and walked away, his mediation ending in failure.

On the fourth day, when the sun came out, Mom said to my eldest brother, "Shuangxing, sell those fifty catties of rice for me. Use the money to go back to the pass and stay at your eldest and second eldest sisters' houses for a few days."

Elder brother: "What are you doing in the capital region when we're preparing for the New Year? Don't embarrass me!"

With tears welling up in her eyes, the mother found her younger brother and used a small cart made of a bearing and two wooden sticks to load the rice onto it, intending to push it to the market to sell the rice herself.

The eldest brother came out, angrily grabbed the rice bag, and threw it far away.

This rice isn't for everyday consumption. It's what Mom and Mrs. Qu painstakingly gathered every day of the winter, carrying a small basket and braving the cold wind, picking up each ear of rice and a few grains with great care. The rice is black, so it wouldn't fetch a first-class price.

It wasn't easy to collect them. Back then, the team was very strict. During the rice harvest, no more than two ears of rice were allowed to fall per square meter. After they were carried away, the foreman or the women's team leader would lead the way to collect them row by row before individuals were allowed to enter the field to collect the rice ears.

It wasn't easy for Mom to collect this rice. Dad controlled the family's income, and usually didn't give any to us, including Mom. We had to find our own ways to cover personal expenses. Mom wanted to use it to collect rice ears and sell them for a few yuan.

At this point, the mother was in despair. She frantically ran up to the roof, grabbed a small empty handbag, and ran straight from the second field towards the ditch: "I can go back even without money. People aren't all so heartless..."

My third sister quickly chased after her, pulling Mom back, and we caught up with her too. Mom was waving her bag around, hitting us and telling us to go back and ignore her. In the biting cold of December, the bag straps stung our faces and hands, but we still managed to pull Mom back.

At this point, Mom was no longer the gentle and kind woman she used to be. She had a capricious air about her.

Seeing that she couldn't leave, and unable to stay inside any longer, she went out after a while. We looked for her and found her standing in the tunnel leading to the back garden on the west side of the house.

She was wearing the faded blue cotton shirt she'd made the year she went to Heilongjiang, with a large triangular opening in the back, black trousers with leg straps, and a headscarf covering her head. Gone was the flushed anger and grief; now she looked serene. We dared not meet her gaze, a chill running down our spines. The moment we saw her still standing there, we ran back into the house, too afraid to stay with her. My third sister and I took turns peeking at her from the west side of the room every now and then.

Normal life was completely disrupted. Dad and Grandma ignored Mom's abnormal behavior and were still trying to use their power to subdue her.

Our hearts are filled with anxiety and pain. Mom hasn't eaten or drunk anything for five days. We don't know what will happen under this gloomy sky. We don't know when or how this family will be able to return to normal. How we long for that moment!

December 18, 1978, a day we will never forget.

In the morning, after sleeping fully clothed for several days, Mom called to her third sister, "Xia Lian, get up and go help your sister-in-law cook."

"Yes!" Third Sister responded, and she and her sister-in-law each took turns scooping ashes from the stove pit and going out to fetch firewood.

Just as she lit the fire in the stove, rinsed the pot, and added fresh water, Mother turned and looked up at Third Sister in the outer room, calling out, "Xia Lian, you take good care of them! I can't go on!"

Hearing the noise, the third sister ran into the house. Her mother vomited twice, and the third sister caught the yellow fluid in her hands during the third vomit.

Seeing that things were going badly, we threw on our clothes and ran to our mother's side. She was already too weak to sit up, so my third sister supported her with her back. She was squinting, her neck was hunched back, and she was panting heavily, as if she had phlegm in her throat.

My younger brother and I, one on each side, rubbed against Mom's chest, calling out desperately, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" My third sister called my second brother to support Mom, and she turned around and put her fingers into Mom's mouth, trying to help her remove the phlegm. Everything we did was in vain, and my fourth sister was panicked and at a loss.

Time ticked by, and there was no improvement in Mom's condition. Large beads of sweat appeared on her face and forehead, and her hair was steaming. Fourth Sister touched Mom's hair and cried.

At first, Grandma gave a disdainful snort and turned over.

Half an hour later, Liu Shuyun from the east neighbor came over, stood on the threshold and leaned against the door frame for a while, said something, and left.

The eldest brother came over to take a look and went to the second team to fetch the barefoot doctor. Dad and Grandma got up and put on their clothes.

A little while later, the doctor arrived and began acupuncture on Mom's head, hands, and feet. After half an hour of treatment with no response, he removed the needles and said, "Let's go to the hospital—I'll go with you!"

My eldest brother went to the team and brought the horse-drawn carriage. It stopped at the front door. My eldest brother, second brother, and third sister each carried a corner of the quilt and lifted my mother onto the carriage. I didn't care about anything else and just stared at my mother, hoping that she would open her eyes and look at us.

The car drove away, and Dad spun around on the ground.

The eldest and second eldest brothers sat on the edge of the carriage, while the third sister held Mom's hand by her head, checking her pulse and nasal breathing. The carriage entered the county road, heading towards the farm hospital, which was closer. The driver cracked the whip, urging the horse to gallop faster. Reaching Dagoubang, the eldest and second eldest brothers felt it wasn't going to work; it was too slow. They flagged down a car. The driver, understanding the situation, lowered the sideboard without a word and helped lift Mom into the car. In the blink of an eye, they arrived at "Liuhe Hospital," where doctors and nurses immediately began treatment, using every possible emergency method.

There was nothing that could be done; Mom is gone!

The older brother asked the doctor, "What's wrong with my mother?"

Doctor: "It's probably a brain hemorrhage."

The carriage arrived at the hospital and stopped outside. The carriage owner came in just as the doctor was answering the elder brother's questions.

Only then did the older brother remember the car driver and realize he should thank the kind driver. However, after searching inside and outside, the driver had already disappeared.

From the moment the carriage took Mom away, my heart felt empty. I had a premonition that she wouldn't come back, a feeling that disaster was about to befall us. No one in our family ate; our hearts were with her, just waiting and hoping for news that Mom was alright.

About two hours later, we saw the carriage coming down from the bridge in the distance. We waited outside and could see their expressions; we knew then that disaster had struck.

The eldest brother and third sister's eyes were red, and the second brother was still sobbing.

Everything is laid out before us, what more needs to be said?

My eldest brother and my second and third sisters lifted Mom off the mattress and placed her on the kang (a heated brick bed). I quickly climbed onto the kang and stroked Mom's forehead and hair.

"Oh my god!"

Her face, as pale as yellow paper, had lost all life and color. She remained stiff and unresponsive no matter how much we wailed.

The eldest brother, the second brother, and their father explained the general situation.

"When I got onto the bridge, I felt that I had no pulse," the third sister said.

My mother no longer belongs to this world.

I felt like the sky had fallen. Besides crying and feeling lost, I didn't know what to do.