On The Border - Marry Him Or Die

2.28

Angelina’s POV

I race towards my room and barely have time to shut the door behind me before I collapse against the wall opposite it, Lucas’s words gutting my heart to shreds, my sobs tearing me apart as they repeat through my mind in an endless loop.

‘You had everything to do with what fucking happened! It all happened to get you across the border, to smuggle you through our town without anyone knowing’

Zade killed three people, three people that brought light and joy into this house. Three people that took everything good with them and left this family in ruins behind them.

And it all happened because of me, because of my existence.

It all happened to allow Zade to claim me like I was a stolen item.

Not in a million years did I envision myself causing someone any kind of pain. Even though I carry my father’s genes in me, a fact that makes my skin crawl and my blood to boil in my veins every time I think about it, I always believed it in my heart that my mother’s genes are the more dominant of the two. That I’m a good hearted person. That I would never turn into the monster my father is. But despite all that, I still felt like the monster I was so afraid of becoming when I realized that this family’s world was shattered apart because of me.

They say you don’t have to pull the trigger to kill a person, you may have loaded the gun which led to the killing part nonetheless.

And as I wept on the floor, I felt exactly like the person who loaded the gun and allowed someone else to pull the trigger.

If it wasn’t for me, Zade would have never bothered them. They would have never known this kind of pain that I’m now all too familiar with after losing my mom in the same gruesome manner.

It was all my fault.

How can I ever redeem myself to these people, specifically to Ms. Snow? How can I look into her kind, warm eyes and stay silent after this?

She knew I was the reason and yet, she never showed me a hint of hatred, unlike her son who was barely tolerating my presence, who hated me with every fiber of his being and blamed me along with Zade for taking away the closest people to him.

How could she do that? Be so good to me?

Gosh, would she remain this kind if she finds out I’m the monster’s daughter?

The door opens suddenly and I gasp in fear as I look up to see who it was, fearing Lucas was coming inside to break me apart some more, if there was any piece left intact to break anyway.

But it was the second last person I wanted to see, it was Ms. Snow.

She saw me collapsed on the ground in front of her, my face revealing all my pain and agony as it was drenched in tears, my sobs not taking a break from tearing through me, and her face instantly shifted to sympathy.

That look made me cry out even harder as I shut my eyes, and covered my face with my hands, too ashamed to look into her eyes.

I heard the door close softly, and her sitting against the wall by my side.

As soon as her arms tried to drape over me and bring me closer to her chest, I stiffened and fought against her, pushing myself away from her soothing touch as I dropped my hands and wrapped them around myself, shook my head, and spoke to her with anger at myself “I can’t….you don’t have to be so good to me, I don’t deserve anything from you”

Her eyes softened even more and she said kindly “You deserve everything good dear. I don’t hold you responsible for what happened. I never did. It was all that vile man’s doing. He’s the only one I hate, the only one I loath and want to kill with my bare hands. Whatever that man wants with you, I can see and tell that you have no hand in going willingly to him. You don’t want to go anywhere near him. And maybe you hate him just as much as I do. Tell me, why would I not be good to you? Why wouldn’t you deserve to have someone by your side to help you through your pain?”

Because I’m his damn daughter! I may hate him, fear him, and want to kill him too, but at the end of the day, I’m his own flesh and blood! I’m vile too! Because whenever she will look at me, she will see him in me if she ever figures out who I am.

Because she will feel betrayed that she was being kind to the bastard’s daughter who took her son’s life. Because she will figure out that she was caring about his daughter when he didn’t think twice before killing hers.

And what’s not to stop them from thinking that I was just like him? A cold blooded killer pretending to be innocent? Didn’t I lie about everything from the start? Didn’t I hide the truth and pretended to be someone else?

The more lies I tell to their faces, the more secrets I keep to myself, the more I set myself up to be a dishonest, untrusted person in their eyes.

But what was my other option? I couldn’t bring myself to tell them the truth and hope they don’t hurt me as payback. Ms. Snow is the only kind person in this house. April maybe too and Sara. But the men? Lucas in particular? That man already blames me for everything. Already threatened to hurt me if I ever lie to his face again. That man will tear me limb from limb if he figures out who I really am. Nothing can stop him, not even his own mother.

Call it cowardice, call it protecting myself, I didn’t want to face a fate that’s worth than death at his hands.

Given the choice between that possibility and between taking a way out, lying your way through, and escaping his and your father’s clutches and disappearing off the face of this earth.

Which option would you fucking choose?

It’s quite obvious.

Unless you have a death wish.

Which I don’t. I mean I kind of do, but I don’t want to suffer horribly before dying. I just want to die instantly, in peace. Something that Lucas would never grant me. He’s far too crazy to let that happen.

Ms. Snow was looking at me warily as I fought with myself over keeping my mouth shut or pouring out my whole damn heart to her.

“I blame myself Ms. Snow. There’s nothing you can say to me that can make that feeling of guilt ever go away. Lucas has every right to blame me, he even has every right to hate me. It was all his own doing, but it was all for me. You’re such a kind hearted person to not think like your son but I don’t deserve your goodness towards me. You don’t know that much about me, if you did……” I look down in shame “You would hate me” I whispered in agony, even that little admission that came out despite the warning bells in my head came out of me so cowardly because I was afraid of revealing out too much.

“Never” she said solemnly before enveloping me in a tight hug that I couldn’t get out of as she kept her arms locked in place.

I cried harder into her chest. Her compassion was going to be my undoing soon.

She patted my back repeatedly, trying to sooth me until I calmed down.

I had drenched her shirt with my tears but she didn’t seem to care as she kept on hugging me to her chest, her love like a scent that was filling me with calmness the longer I inhaled it.

She finally let me go when I stopped making any sound and cupped my face, her face tearful just as mine was, she said lovingly “I told you this morning, no matter what, you have me by your side, always. Don’t ever doubt that to change”

She carried on strictly as her eyes hardened “Lucas had no right to say those things to you, not like that. I’m not going to make excuses for his behavior. But we all handle our grief in a different way. His way is wrong and I will not stop until I make him apologize to you”

I shook my head but before I could speak she cut me off determinedly “He will apologize. It’s final dear. I won’t have it any other way. Now go wash your face and join us downstairs for lunch, ok?” she leaned down and printed a soft, tender kiss on my forehead that made my eyes sting and burn.

It reminded me so much of my mother’s lips.

I saw a lot of my mom in her during those two days.

It was almost like god wanted to make up for letting my mom die and tried to help me deal by sending this amazing woman my way.

I don’t know what state I would be in right now if she wasn’t by my side.