On The Border - Marry Him Or Die

48

Jenny’s POV

We arrive to Fairbanks two hours later.

Turns out, he has already reserved a suite for us at the hotel before we left Snow.

Over confident, smug….. Ass.

He carried both our bags and walked inside the huge suite in front of me.

I was left completely astonished by the luxurious suite he chose.

I should have guessed it would be magnificent. The hotel was one of the best in all of Fairbanks.

The suite had a huge living room with a very large tv.

A dining room that could fit ten people at least.

A master bedroom twice as big as Alex’s room.

And don’t even get me started on the bathroom.

I wanted to live in there the whole trip and never get out.

At least that way, I can avoid whatever Alex still has in store for me on this trip, and I could tell he does because of his so called ‘rules’.

He wants the truth from me and I’m not sure I can or want to give it to him.

I don’t want him to convince me to take a chance on him, or to live in the moment. Because I’m not sure that I can keep my defensive wall functional around him if he started knocking on them with his sweet talking and touching.

But I was determined to remain unaffected by anything he says or does.

I could feel him standing directly behind me while I was still staring at the bathroom.

There was a deep circular porcelain Jacuzzi in the middle of it that was calling for me to step inside it.

There was also a regular rectangular large tub by the side of the glass wall overlooking a breath taking view of Fairbanks.

And of course the regular shower had to be majestic too.

It was incased between glass walls and the fourth wall had all the nozzles, switches, and controls needed to make even a simple shower a more comfortable and memorable one.

“Do you like the…. Suite?” he asked softly behind me.

I gulped, composed my face, and turned towards him with a guarded expression.

“Of course, who wouldn’t like this suite” I said simply.

He gave me a small smile while he gazed at me intently.

It was awkward and it brought tingles all over my body.

Problem was, there was no road to pay attention to this time, no reason for me to ask him to stop.

I averted my gaze and started to walk past him. His hand shot out to hold me in place at my waist as he leaned closer to my side. The tingles increased ten folds at the mere soft delicate grip he had on me, and I held my breath.

“You can’t keep avoiding me forever Jenny” he whispered softly in my ear and a shudder involuntarily ran through my entire body.

What the hell was he doing to me? I’ve never felt this way around him before.

Was it the fact that we were totally alone this time?

Or the fact that when he touched me before, I was always scared of him, I couldn’t feel anything other than that?

“I’m not avoiding you Alex” I whispered defensively without turning my head to look at him.

He leaned even closer to me and I could almost feel his long beard teasing my shoulder.

“What did I say about lying on this trip?” he whispered firmly.

I turned towards him, about to deny lying. But when I turned my head to face him, I realized that it was a massive mistake.

His face was too close to mine, closer than I anticipated.

I got trapped in those light grey eyes and forgot what I wanted to say.

The tension between us was at its peak.

His lips were just a fraction of an inch away from mine.

He was staring hungrily into my eyes, but he didn’t make a single move or looked down at my lips, even though I could clearly tell he wanted to.

He was waiting for my signal, patiently waiting for me so that he doesn’t force me into anything I didn’t want.

And that made it a lot more harder on me to stop myself from doing what my heart was begging me to do.

His consideration was making my wall crumble, and my heart flutter.

Why couldn’t you be the asshole I originally thought you were Alex?

Why couldn’t you make it a lot easier on me to resist you?

I couldn’t take the huge tension and pull between us so I did what I knew best…. I avoided.

I removed his hand from my waist and he did not resist me in the slightest.

And then I headed into the bathroom, closed the door behind me and leaned down to the floor against it, as I tried to breathe again.

How the hell am I going to survive this trip without giving in to my…. Temptation? Desire? Attraction?

What the hell was this all about?

Was it just a sexual tension because it was something new to me and he was the one I was stuck with for the past week? Or was it something more?

There was no way it was something more. There was no time for anything to develop in that short time.

It was just a sexual tension. Just curiosity. That’s all.

And it was the same thing for him.

It doesn’t mean anything, even if I give in to him; which I’m really starting to consider, it will not turn into something more than what it already is.

I won’t let it.

But do I even want that? Just sex?

Just the thought that Alex kissed me because he was trying to get over his ex or because he was only using me for his own pleasure had me pull away from him and call the whole thing a mistake. Now I was the one considering using him the same way?

No. That’s not me.

Even if he was really good looking, sexy even, and his kisses were mind blowingly, breath takingly, staggering.

Even if it was irresistible for me not to taste that kiss again and again, I will not have sex with him just because…. I’m attracted to him.

It will not end in a good way.

We either have sex and develop feelings for each other, which is what I’m afraid of happening the most, or we have sex and I end up developing those feelings on my own, which is also not good at all.

If we both fall in love, it will destroy me if something ends up happening to him; and it was quite possible in that town. I don’t want that heartbreak at all.

And if I fall in love with him on my own and he doesn’t, that will also break my heart as well.

If we have sex but agree to put our feelings aside and just enjoy the temptation and desire with no strings attached….. I don’t see that happening.

I don’t believe in that stuff.

A great sex is partly having feelings for the other person, not just desire for someone’s own pleasure.

I mean I think it is, am I wrong?

How the hell would I know, I didn’t try it before.

I go to the sink and look at my face.

It was flushed.

He always seemed to have that effect on me nowadays.

My face always used to be pale before I met him.

What the hell are you going to do about this Jenny? About him?

I stare myself in the mirror for a long time.

I was determined.

If I was going to walk out of the bathroom, I will walk out with a definitive decision. A decision that neither me nor him can make me back down from.

A final decision.

So what’s it going to be? Are you going to keep that defensive wall standing solid and keep things strictly formal and friendly between you or screw it all and live in the moment your heart is begging to experience?

I believe in my gut feeling. The one that was making things really difficult for me to listen to my heart.

The one that was so sure that this will not end well if we develop feelings for each other and make this marriage real.

I’ll go with my gut then.

Friends it is.

I wash my face and dry it gently, take a deep calming breath, before I open the door and leave the bathroom.

I look for him and for a second, I’m scared I upset him enough to leave the suite without me.

But then I found him leaning against the glass wall over looking the view in the living room.

He had his back to me.

“Are you going to show me around Fairbanks or what?” I asked lightly.

He turned slowly and much to my relief, he wasn’t upset with me for leaving things awkwardly by hiding in the bathroom like the coward I am.

Much to my uneasiness however, I noticed a glint in his eyes that wasn’t there before I dashed for the bathroom.

A glint that said he wasn’t going to make peace with my decision to just be friends.

Two can play at this game, Alex Snow.

Let’s see who will yield first, you or me.