On The Border - Marry Him Or Die

2.63

Lucas’s POV

I thought losing dad and almost losing my brother and Jenny was the ultimate pain I’ll probably ever feel in this lifetime, but I was wrong. So freaking wrong.

I was crushed right now to say the least. Devastated. Drowning in guilt and self blame.

The raw pain I saw on her face and in her voice, filled me with agony. It fucking hurt, for real. My heart was aching, my chest was tightening, and my eyes were even watering.

I ruined everything.

My chance with her, mom’s special place in her heart, but most of all, I ruined her chances of being safe here with us and agreeing to live here for her own protection.

There was no changing her mind now.

She’s hell bent on leaving after we're done dealing with Zade.

She wants nothing to do with me, not even my fake ID that I was going to provide for her. She probably even thought I was lying and deceiving her about it. That I was never going to get her anything.

Whatever progress I made with her, to convince her that I genuinely had feelings for her just evaporated into thin air.

She fucking hates my guts now and I could almost assume that there was no changing that now too. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, she’ll never believe me nor trust me ever again.

I was the first man she allowed herself to get close to, she admitted that to me, she let me in and told me she never hugged or kissed any man before, she let her heart wide open for me; even though she was denying it to my face but I knew deep inside she truly started to let her feelings rule her actions with me and give me a chance, and then I went ahead and broke it to pieces with my hidden secret.

I gazed over at my mom after Angelina closed her room door loudly and sat against it, no doubt crying her heart out in there. I could see her shadow from under the door. Mom was staring at me in sadness, with tears falling down her face.

“How did she find out?” she whispered softly.

“She overheard me talking to Alex and Jenny in my room. I was going to tell her everything in the morning” I whispered back.

“We should have told her everything from the start. She wouldn’t have felt so betrayed then. I told you we should have…” she started to say sadly before I cut her off dryly “None of that matters now. It was the right decision at the time”

“No it wasn’t. I know you know that now. Gosh I don’t want her to leave Lucas! At least not like this!” she said emotionally and put her hand to cover her mouth before her sob escaped.

I swallowed down my painful lump, walked over to her, and put my hands over her shoulders consolably “I’ll do everything I can to fix this, mom. I promise. You should get back in your room and get some sleep, Alex and Jenny will arrive at eight” I said softly as I printed a kiss on her forehead, then turned around and addressed April and David “You too guys”

April was just as sad as mom was, her silent tears burning a hole in my heart.

Everyone went back to their rooms without adding anything further while I ran my hand over my face in frustration as I stood in the middle of the hallway, contemplating how the hell I’m going to fix this now.

I have to. I can’t let her leave like that. I won’t.

My crazy side flared inside me at the possibility of losing her forever and started dolling out ways I can take to ensure that never happens.

I’ll lock her somewhere safe if I fucking have to. She can hate me all she wants, hit me in the balls again as hard as she wants, and say hurtful things right to my face, I still won’t let her go without proving how much she really means to me and making her believe it.

I walked over to her door and slid down to sit against it, right where she was sitting on the opposite side of it.

I could hear her rapid breathing and almost hear her muffled crying in there. It caused a hurricane of emotions to wash all over me.

I did this to her.

And it wasn’t the first fucking time!

I vowed to myself right here that I will never, ever cause her that kind of pain again.

“I’m so sorry Angelina. I never meant to hurt you like that. I swear on my old man” I said in a low voice.

She didn’t say anything back to me, not that I expected her to in the first place.

I carried on in evident guilt “I didn’t hide the truth from you because I don’t trust you nor because I see you as that asshole’s daughter. I trust you completely and blindly, Angelina. But it was a secret we vowed to keep from everyone, even from our town people whom we consider our closest family. We trust them all but we still kept it a secret from all of them. We needed Zade to believe he really got the upper hand on us in order to get his guard down enough to give us an opening to strike him dead. I was going to tell you in the morning before their arrival, I swear. I was going to explain everything to you and tell you why we hid the truth from you. I know you would never expose them to Zade or any of his men, but it was extremely essential to keep them hidden for their own safety and protection for as long as possible. To make their return possible. And to ensure that Zade doesn’t get his hands on them at the last second and leverage his way out of being punished for his acts”

“You have to understand please. I trust you, we all do. But it was their lives at stake. They went through hell and back together. They were shot at that shootout. Jenny’s heart stopped and she was in a coma for a few days. We almost lost them for real and I couldn’t jeopardize that when we are so close to ending him” I pleaded with her heartily.

I heard sniffling from the other side before she said in a thick voice “You don’t have to explain your actions or reasons to me. I already told you, it doesn’t matter anymore, Lucas. Please go away”

I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the door.

“It matters Angelina. I made a mistake okay? I should have told you earlier. Please….don’t let that one mistake change your feelings or opinion of me. Don’t let that mistake drive you away from me, from the rest of my family. I care about you, I still do, we all do. I mean that from the bottom of my heart” I said vulnerably.

Her door burst open violently, as she got out and faced me with immense anger.

I stood up at once, ready to take her rage, take everything she was about to throw at me; and I could tell she has plenty to say if her fiery deep blue eyes were of any indication, as long as she forgives me in the end, I was ready to handle her in her avenging angel mode.

I was ready to handle all her fucking modes, as long she doesn’t stay mad at me, as long as she forgives me, and gives me a second chance to erase all the pain I’ve caused her and turn things around completely between us.